Bert and Ernie
by TheKatInTheShade
Summary: Ok, Grimmjow is hot, but it isn't illegal to appreciate beauty. Besides, I'm also attracted to chicken curry, marzipan, ginger beer and kittens. There. Feelings assessed. Nothing to worry about. GrimmIchi.
1. Chapter 1

_**This is an AU. Meaning **_**I**_** have written it and I will continue to do so. If you have any helpful criticism, please do drop it by me :)**_

_**This story takes place in a world without hollows and ghosts. Life is a little boring for Ichigo Kurosaki but one day at school he has an interesting run in with a certain blue haired Sexta. (GOD, I love that word.) Everyone is about 17 and Grimmjow's personality is very OOC. But I hope you find a place for him in your heart anyway :)**_

_**The whole story is in Ichigo's POV. I might do the last chapter from Grimm's prospective... ;)**_

**_Also this is not going to be a story that revolves around sex. There will be sex. Eventually. But I dont believe in not doing something unless your heart is fully in it so thats the way the story is going to go. :) _**

_**This is also Un-Beta'd so please excuse any errors!**_

_**Many thanks x**_

Have you ever been so incredibly bored, you would gladly exchange a testicle or another vital part of anatomy for a something –_anything_- to amuse yourself with ,during an extended period of boredom?

I have.

In fact it's a regular occurrence for me.

Or about as regular as double Math.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh."

I sigh loudly. No one moves or looks at me to condone the volume of my sigh. The whole class is as good as dead anyway. I look at the clock. Still 35 minutes left.

Isn't 35 such a detestable number? Oh god! Now maths is affecting time, as well!

I sigh again, but more to myself than to the rest of the world. I fold my arms and rest my head on the desk, looking out the window at the sky which, as if to mock me, is cloudless and a deliciously pale blue.

I love looking at the sky. I think it's thoroughly underappreciated. It's there all the time, holding things together and we cuss at it when it goes all grey and cloudy, but when it looks like this... I just want to stand in the middle of nowhere and gaze up at it all day.

I jump in surprise when I realise I'm actually looking at the head of the person sitting next to me.

I glance around nervously. I don't want someone to catch me surveying Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez.

He's the resident badass, I suppose. Every town has one; the hansom loner who seems to be in a different world from everyone else. Well that's Grimmjow.

I feel sort of bad for him, though. He seems really lonely. But another part of me doesn't actually care because plenty of people have approached him with friendly intentions and he's just told them to fuck off. He obviously likes being alone.

_Well_, I reason in my head, _I like being alone, but _I_ still have friends._

Actually, having said that he's not totally alone. There's Ulquiorra from the classroom next to ours, and his little posse. But even then, I've seen Nnoitra and that big guy Yammy just walk past Grimmjow without even batting an eyelid in his direction. Maybe only Ulquiorra talks to him. The rest of them might have had a fall out or something...

But still, there is most defiantly something wrong with Grimmjow. Girls are practically throwing themselves at his feet, but he just isn't interested. They find his aloofness sexy, I suppose. You would have thought though, wouldn't you, that since most of the female population are salivating after him that the guys might bear some sort of grudge, but no; they love him too. It's like he's universally appealing. Fun for all the family or whatever.

Oh well... I've got more important things to worry about. Like the fact that my head may implode if I hear the word 'add' again.

"...and so you _add_ the two denominators..."

BOOM!

There's a lone cloud floating in the sky outside. I bet it doesn't have to deal with Math's. But the cloud certainly is a deformed looking thing. It sort of resembles-

"Bert?" I mutter disbelievingly. It's like the sky is a huge blue canvas and there's this one visible mass of water vapor which stands out against it, like my hair in a concert crowd.

However I'm not the only one who speaks.

Grimmjow turns to look at me, eyes wide in surprise. I sit up and gape at him.

"That cloud looks like..."

"Bert."

"As in Bert and Ernie..."

"...from Sesame Street?"

"Pfft." He stuffs his fist into his mouth and suddenly starts shivering with suppressed mirth.

Yeah, I guess seeing puppet characters in the sky in the shape of clouds might possibly be a sign of severe mental illness. In fact, when you put it like that...

I plaster my hand over my mouth trying to keep it air-tight and hoping my laughter won't seep out.

But then Grimmjow starts choking on his fist or something, so he pulls it out of his mouth in a flurry of spit and hilarity.

Nice.

I just can't contain my voice anymore and a shout of laughter escapes me.

But I sober up right away as all heads turn towards me and I'm actually surprised to see the rest of the class there; it's like they melted away for a moment.

Then I notice my desk is shrouded in shadow and I look up to see a murderous Zaraki-Sensei looming over me.

"There will be _none_...of this nonsense... in my... _CLASSROOM_!" Sensei is suddenly centimeters from my face, spraying it with phlegm and screaming like there's no tomorrow, effectively popping my eardrums. Is there bloody coming out of my ear? Can someone check? I think there is.

I am left to ponder my existence as I scrape the gum off the bottom of the desks.

Grimmjow and I have been in the same class for two years; we even sit next to each other in Maths and behind each other in History and diagonally in tutorial. So how is it that we have never even had a conversation? I mean like, _never_. I haven't ever said a single word to him.

I didn't do it to be rude or anything, but he always arrives right before the bell at the beginning of the day and he disappears at break and lunch and I've never been asked to work with him in class. But still, why would that stop me talking to him?

It's his aura, I decide. He wants to be alone and every person in school knows it.

But why now? Why all of a sudden am I noticing that actually, we are pretty similar, and it probably wouldn't hurt to be a little more social with him. Mind you, I'm not exactly the friendliest person around.

It's not that I mean to push people away, but with a face like a 'smacked arse' (as Tatsuki put it once), it's not the best way to start off a friendship. I can't help that, though. I'm not incapable of laughing or smiling or just having fun in general, it just takes a lot more effort to get a reaction from me. Very few people are willing to make that effort. Everyone else just sees me as a sour, stuck up dick with orange hair.

What's not to love?

I walk through the school alone after my detention. It's dark, so there's no more nice, bright, blue sky to play football or have a nap under. I sigh sadly.

"Oi! Kurosaki!"

The shout startles me and I turn to see Grimmjow jogging after me, a can of coke in hand.

I pause in surprise. I didn't expect to see him here. He didn't have detention, did he? Has he been here the whole time? I expect he wants to apologize. He takes my pause as an invitation to walk with me. I roll my eyes and want very much to be at home in my warm bed with a stomach full of food right now.

I am pulled from my fantasy about a huge Sausage Casserole as Grimmjow burps loudly.

"Can I help you?" I say through gritted teeth. I can smell what he ate for lunch.

"Ohh yeah, sorry." He chuckles, patting his stomach. "Coke gives me gas, pardon me." He says with a little smile, which disturbingly feels as though it is just for me.

"Erm... Right." I say, trying to pick up my pace.

"Have you ever tried to hold a burp down?" He queries, conversationally. "It's so painful! I did it once and I won't do it again." He shakes his head solemnly. I can't help but feel like he is just making a joke and trying to be friendly – but why would he? I thought he didn't like anyone.

"Can't say I have, sorry." I say monotonously.

"Really? So you are hereby swearing on this day that you, Ichigo Kurosaki, have never ever burped at all in your entire life?" He asks, grin widening.

"Yeah, I'll swear to that? Do you want me to sign anything?"

"No, but we need a urine sample and a handprint in blood." He says, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"Ohh sure, but I don't fart either, does that require more paper work?" I ask him seriously.

He throws back his head a laughs again. Its a pleasant noise which arouses goosebumps on the back of my neck. Again, I find myself chortling along with him.

But I can't help but wonder why he's approached me. I mean just –_Why_? It doesn't make sense. I frown as I think; something I have always done and people automatically assume im angry and run off or make a hasty excuse to leave with an even hastier exit.

I wait for the question.

"_Why are you scowling so much Ichigo? Lighten up!"_

"_Jeez, you're so miserable."_

"_Can't you get a sense of humour?"_

"It was weird, wasn't it?" Not the question I was expecting but as I glance back at Grimmjow he is looking at the darkening sky, thoughtfully. "Seeing puppets in the sky, I mean."

Just the way he says it, I can't help myself, I burst out laughing.

He smiles with me but continues to look up at the sky as though he's never seen it before. One by one, stars begin to appear.

Honestly, clouds that look like puppets on TV programmes we used to watch over 10 years ago. I should really deny I ever saw anything and just brush this odd behaviour under the carpet, but as we walk out of the school gates and Grimmjow gives me this look that makes me feel more at ease and less like a retard, I decide that I don't need to pretend or be someone else.

"Yeah, it is." I say finally, surrendering. "Very weird behaviour."

Grimmjow grins at me. His blue eyes flicker with something unknown and I immediately feel like I'm back in that stuffy classroom, gazing up at the boundless sky, trying to fight an urge to reach up and see if I can touch it.

**I'm 17 and I don't study literature. My spelling and language are probably bordering retarded and I have the same mentality as a deaf chicken, so do please be kind... and leave a review! :D**


	2. Chapter 2

_**REVIEW! :)**_

The weekend passed quickly. Obviously the gods hate me and don't want me to forget the thrills of school.

Saturday I went to Keigo's house and played CoD whilst he revised for an upcoming History test that he is doomed to fail. Then in the evening Chad joined us, followed by Tatsuki and Inoue. Mizuiro had a date and couldn't come, much to the disdain of Keigo. We sat around, listened to music then all went home.

I love my friends. I really do. But sometimes it just feels like there should be something more. I'm content with everything how it is right now, I just find myself hoping that this isn't all there is for me. I already know I'm going to take over my dad's Clinic when he gets too old. I'll probably meet some girl at Uni, date her for a few years, then come back here, get married and look after my family. I don't mind doing that, not at all. But it's a bit annoying that I'm so predictable. For once, I'd love to do something crazy. I mean, aren't I 17? I should be the _definition_ of crazy. But alas. I just sit here, lazing around like a lazy thing.

Maybe I'm waiting for something?

I hope it's worth it, whatever it is.

So Monday morning comes around at last, beating the shit out of my curtains and I find myself blinded by the sunlight.

"Crap..." I grumble; my voice croaky from sleep. I sit up and pull myself from bed.

"MY SON! A NEW DAY ARISES! COME, JOIN ME IN A HUG!"

I plunge my foot into the flesh of my father's face.

"Mornin'" I say, absently and make my way to the bathroom.

Years and years of my dad's crazy behaviour lead to me to not even question it anymore.

One shower and two bowls of coco pops later, I run into Keigo and Mizuiro on my way to school.

"Hey, guys." I say as I approach them. Keigo is lying face down on the floor, crying silently. Mizuiro looks grateful that I've arrived.

"Ichigo!" He says brightly. "How was your weekend?"

"Not bad. Same old. How was your date?" For a moment Keigo twitches and looks as if he is about to get up or say something, but there's a sort of wet noise and he stays silent.

"Yeah, it was nice, thank you." Mizuiro says, unsure if he is supposed to help Keigo up or not.

There is a slight pause as we both look at Keigo on the floor.

"Well I'm going to school." I say in a bored voice, making it clear I'm not waiting for anyone.

Mizuiro looks appreciatively at me and he steps around Keigo. We turn to carry on walking. I feel a tug on my leg. I look down and Keigo is looking up at me with snot running down his chin and eyes wide in horror.

"I feel ... SO UNLOVED!" He cries and we end up half carrying him to school.

"Remind me why I'm friends with this piece of shit again?" I mutter to myself as we drop an unresponsive Keigo into his chair.

"No one has an answer that question, I'm afraid."

I turn to see Tatsuki approach me with a grim smile, closely followed by an absent minded Inoue, who is humming quietly about eggnog.

"Morning." Tatsuki sighs, apparently already fed up with Keigo and his oddness.

"Hey." I quirk my lips, offering a tired smile.

"What's wrong with the retard, now?" She asks, making an obvious effort not to roll her eyes. But Keigo instantly perks up at the arrival of Inoue, and her lovely female assets.

"How was the tournament, this weekend?" I ask Tatsuki, throwing my bag down onto my own desk and slumping into the seat.

Her face splits into a wide grin, indicating she obliterated her opponents. I release a breath of laughter.

"Right, stupid question."

Then Chad enters the classroom. He's so big, but so graceful. He nods at me and I salute him, then he takes his seat next to me and reclines on his chair, gazing out the window. That's just Chad. Nice, normal, un-dramatic. He's probably my best friend.

Then Ishida stalks into the room and takes his seat; my good mood instantly vanishes. That guy is always pissed off for some reason. Actually, that reason is usually me. I don't know what I've done to make him hate me so much, but he does. I don't really like the asshole either.

I watch him strike up a conversation with Inoue. He adjusts his glasses, pulling out his homework and setting it on the table for her to copy. She says something not very funny but his annoying laughter grates my ears anyway. Smooth, Casanova.

Suddenly I sit up straight, noticing the work Ishida is showing Inoue.

"Shit, we had to do three of those exercises for Maths? I thought it was just the first two." I slap myself in the forehead. I can't believe I forgot that...

"Ohh you didn't know Kurosaki?" Asks Ishida, in mock surprise. "You should really pay attention to what the teacher says. Just because you think you're better than everyone else-"

SEE? The cocksucker _hates _me! That was a completely unprovoked attack!

I'm about to punch him in the mouth but then the bell goes and everyone disperses back to their seats.

I rest my cheek against my knuckle and gaze out of the window.

_What's the teacher got in store for us this week? I love how they make everything seem fun._ I think dryly.

I glance up at the door as it creaks open, expecting to see the teacher, when I am met by something inexplicably blue.

Grimmjow doesn't burst into the classroom, per say; it's more like, as soon as he enters, the atmosphere is a little different. A little more reckless, a little more carefree. There's a buzz, an electricity.

I quite like the effect he has. Its different from the usual monotony of the classroom.

Then his blue eyes catch my gold ones, and his lips which are always shaped in an infuriating smirk, curl into a devilish leer. I realise this is directed at me so I offer up my own glaring scowl as penance.

I haven't thought about Grimmjow or our interaction on Friday, all weekend. My stomach suddenly lurches for some reason.

As the teacher enter's and tell us to shut our great ugly mouths, I keep catching a head of blue hair in the corner of my eye. His hair is so distracting. I wonder if it feels as soft as it looks.

I've got Karate training at lunch so I don't have much time to eat. But after practise, and with 10 minutes to spare before last lesson begins, I decide I could do with some nutrition. I head towards the canteen to grab a sandwich and just as I get through the canteen door I run straight into something quite solid and alarmingly blue.

"Oh sorry." I say hastily, trying to side step.

"Hey, Kurosaki, in a rush are we?" Grimmjow asks, turning to follow me.

Yeah, sure. Let's all play follow the leader! Your it, Ichigo! Yeah, ok - FUCK OFF!

"No, just hungry." I mutter, making my way over to the sandwich counter and trying to pretend Grimmjow isn't there. I grab something with ham in it and pay at the tills. Then I find en empty table and tuck into my lunch.

Grimmjow sits down opposite me with an apple in his mouth. I ignore him and continue to ravage my dried out ham and cheese-like-concrete sandwich.

For a few minutes we sit in silence and eat; to my surprise it's not awkward at all. He just sits there humming and munching on his apple, gazing around the room.

"So how come we haven't spoke up until now?" I find myself asking.

"Dunno." He says with a little smirk. "I'm a bit of a hardass. You probably couldn't handle me until you were ready."

I snort into my crusts. "Yeah, I'm sure that's it."

He laughs quietly. "Who cares anyway?" I look up at him. "We're talking now, aren't we?"

"I guess." I reason.

There's another silence as I finish my sandwich.

"So who was your favourite character?"

"Hmm?"

"From Sesame Street?" He asks.

"Ohh... Um Elmo, I guess."

"Oh God no!"

"_What_? What the hell is wrong with Elmo?"

"Well out of all of them he's the one that's most likely a paedophile." Grimmjow says, wringing his hands and shooting me a mock expression of terror.

That wasn't the answer I was expecting so I snort loudly, spraying the table with half digested sandwich.

"Oh yeah? So which ones yours then?" I challenge.

"Oscar the Grouch." He says, puffing his chest out slightly as if his choice is superior.

"How'd you figure? He lives in a bin."

"Exactly. That's a real man for you."

"Right... so in order for guys in general to prove their masculinity, they need to live in a bin and have extensive green facial hair?"

"Yes." He says it with such a serious face that I burst out laughing.

Then the bell goes and the pair of us, still chortling, make our way to the Sports Hall for P.E. He asks me about the other characters from Sesame Street and then somehow the topic changes to sex offenders. Don't ask.

As we stroll along, oblivious to everything else, I realise that conversation between us is actually very easy. I find myself relaxing and enjoying it.

We enter the changing room and I pull on some sweats and a shirt. I turn to see if Grimmjow is done and – _HOLY MOLY!_

He's got his sweats on but he hasn't pulled the string so they sink slowly over his hips as he wrestles a shirt over his head. I catch a glimpse of some light blue hair that disappears underneath the hem of his boxers. His stomach muscles flex as he pulls his head through the shirt and suddenly he has his clothes on and everything is normal again.

"Lets go then." He says merrily and bounds towards the doors of the Sports hall. I walk after him, feeling weak at the knees and wondering what the hell just happened.

Usually Shunsui-Sensei takes the guys and Ise-Sensei looks after the girls but this lesson they are nowhere to be seen (probably at it like rabbits, again) so we pair up with each other and begin a doss lesson of tennis. Since me and Grimmjow were a bit late we decide to pair with each other.

We find a spare bit of floor not being used and start up a lop-sided game of tennis. My aim is horrendous and I try very hard not to laugh at Grimmjow's equally poor efforts to return the ball.

But after Grimmjow returns from dashing across the sports hall for the ninth time, to get another of my craply aimed balls, I see him getting sulky and frustrated, so we take a little break.

"It's not funny." He grumbles.

"No, of course not." I insist, but I can feel the smirk on my face.

"So stop grinning, then!" He wails, childishly.

"I don't know what you mean, Grimm." I say, my face finally cracking into a smile and I laugh at his ridiculous behaviour. But then I realise what I just called him. I freeze and he looks at me.

"It just slipped out." I mumble, feeling like a moron.

"Nah, its fine. Grimm, it is." He says, sulk forgotten, great soppy smirk in place.

I feel relieved but also a little embarrassed so we sit in silence on a bench at the edge of the sports hall. Occasionally Grimmjow makes a comment or laughs at how terrible everyone in our school is at tennis and I feel my embarrassment slip away.

_Isn't this a bit weird? _I ask myself. _I've only been on speaking terms with him for about 30 minutes and he already has a nickname. Well,_ I reason, _he's a funny guy. He's nice to be around. Besides_, I glance around at my other friends; _this could be a chance to try something new. _

Suddenly I find myself smiling.

_Grimm_.

It sounds nice; and it suits him.

My thoughts are punctured by a distressed cry.

Ishida is lying on his back, his glasses in shatters, both hands fastened tightly over his left eye.

"Keigo, you bloody moron!" Screeches Tatsuki. "Watch where you hit the freaking ball!"

"Ishida!" Inoue comes running over looking very upset. "Come here, I'll take you to the nurse!" With surprising strength she pulls Ishida to his feet and puts an arm around his waist to hold him up. Ishida looks terrified.

"N-no thank you, Inoue, I'm fine!" He stammers. A silver of blood oozes from between his fingers.

"No you're not, there's blood! I'm taking you to the nurse, no questions!" She gently guides him to edge of the hall and towards to door, away from peoples stares.

"Inoue, let _go_." He says coldly, pulling himself out of her grasp and putting a hand on her shoulder to push her away.

"But, Ishida-" Inoue begins, trying to reach for his arm again.

"I'm _fine_." And without another word he slips away leaving Inoue looking very alone.

"But I thought Ishida liked Inoue." I mutter confusedly.

"She liked you until last year." Grimmjow announces from my side. I turn to gape at him.

"WHAT? How the _hell_ would you know that?" I demand, my mouth still hanging open in shock. Grimmjow looks edgy.

"Well... it was kinda obvious, Ichigo. I see her on my way to school; she lives a few doors down. Her and that Tatsuki chick talked about you a lot..."

"What do you mean? Inoue likes _me_?" I ask, still not believing it

"Yeah. Well, until the start of this year. She doesn't talk about so much anymore. She likes Ishida now."

I turn back to look at Inoue. For how long has she liked me and never said a word? I feel terrible.

"... I don't know her that well." I hear Grimmjow mutter. "But her and Tatsuki would just talk on the way to school and I would actually hear quite a lot, it's not like I would try to listen, but they wouldn't shut up..."

Inoue. Bubbly, beautiful Inoue.

She has never really done it for me, if I'm honest. In fact we struggle to have a decent conversation, but she's a nice girl. My stomach sinks. So that's why...

"...Ishida's a prick."

"Huh?" Asks Grimm.

"Ishida. He hates me. This is why. He thinks Inoue still likes me, but he knows I don't like her like that."

"Ohh yeah, probably. It's common knowledge he's in love with her..."

_It was Inoue's birthday and I didn't know what she might like. I asked Tatsuki._

"_You know the kiddie park, right? Where we used to play when we were kids?"_

"_Uhh, yeah." I frown, trying to remember how to get there._

"_Well there are some purple flowers that grow on the hill behind the park. Get Orihime a handful of those."_

_Sure, I though. Tatsuki was my most reliable bet. _

_But that night it rained. It rained hard. Thunder cackled and I sat from my bedroom window and watched my garden flood. I didn't get those flowers for Inoue. _

_The next day at school as Inoue unwrapped her present from me, she was happy enough with the bracelet, but Tatsuki turn to contemplate me. I remember being confused as to why Tasuki looked so sadly at me._

_But now it makes sense._

_It was then that Tatsuki realized that I could never like Inoue the way that Inoue liked me._

I stand up.

"Ichigo?" I hear Grimm ask.

"I feel sick. I'm going to the Nurse." I say, already halfway to the door of the Sports Hall.

"I've got rabies so I'll come too." Grimm says, seriously.

"Right." I shouldn't laugh right now, this is serious, but it seems trying to be serious with Grimmjow is impossible.

We make our way through the school, towards the sick bay. I ask for a bed to sleep on and Grimmjow distracts the nurse with his infectious case of rabies.

"Ishida." I open his curtains. He's lying on his back with a gauze on his eyebrow.

"Kurosaki, what-?" He tries to sit up but I place a hand on his shoulder to hold him down.

"You know the kiddie park near Chad's house, right?" I speak quickly and quietly.

"Well, yes but-"

"There's a hill behind the park. Get Inoue some of the purple flowers that grow on it. She'll like that." She deserves to be happy.

"Kurosaki! What the hell are you talking about?" Apparently Ishida isn't catching my drift.

"Inoue!" I shout, angrily. "I'm talking about _Inoue_. You know, the girl you're madly in love with?"

Ishida looks shaken and takes a moment to collect himself before saying with a huff: "Kurosaki, I can assure you-"

"Get off your fucking high horse and stop being a _prick_." Argg! Me and my fucking anger issues. Ishida isn't the one to blame here, it's me. But since I let Inoue hurt for so long, I want to do something right. "Don't just sit here and sulk like a little kid; _do_ something, Ishida!"

Ishida's mouth is literally on the floor when a very pissed off and scary looking Unohana-Sensei bursts out of nowhere and starts screaming at me about peace and tranquillity and how I've just trodden all over it.

I find myself in detention scraping more gum off more desks. Grimmjow sighs beside me.

"You could have gotten out of this, you know. If you had just denied it all and admitted you really _did_ have rabies-" I whisper waspishly.

"Nahh, it's cool." Grimmjow cuts me off. "You know... you're a pretty cool person, Ichigo."

"Oh... thanks?" No one has ever said that to me before.

There's something in my stomach and for a second I think I'm about to be sick but the feeling settles in my chest and leaves me feeling a little warmer. I swallow with some difficulty.

Then there is silence until Grimmjow flicks a bit of gum and it goes up his nostril.

"Fuckin' Hell!"

_**Thanks a lot for everyone's reviews! You're all so lovely! **___


	3. Chapter 3

_**Seikoxxx, you freaking babe. :) **_

The next few days are pretty average. I meet up with my friends on the weekend again; me and Chad had a marshmallow eating competition. I won but I was violently sick all day Sunday. I'm feeling better now, though. Thank you for your concern.

Monday and Tuesday pass like pretty average school days, as well. With, of course, the added difference of Grimmjow.

The only sad thing is that when I'm with Grimmjow, Tatsuki refuses to approach me, and when I'm with Tatsuki and the others, Grimmjow vanishes off the face of the earth. He's a bit of an enigma.

But whatever. It's not like we're best friends or anything. He's entitled to his secrets, even if they do make him even more mysterious and enticing...

"Ichigo, I don't like him."

"What don't you like about him, Tatsuki?" Its Wednesday and I've already asked this question about a billion times today. I sigh heavily knowing that Tatsuki will just give me another crap excuse. My eyes hurt from rolling them so much.

"H-he's... dangerous!" Ohh... Now there's an original one, Tatsuki. Very inventive.

"Right, yeah. And so is the mole on my armpit." I say sarcastically.

"Ichigo, you aren't listening!" Oh man she's getting whiney now. I don't like it when she gets like this; it means she's at her wits end.

"I am, Tat-chan." I say, suddenly turning to her. Really, what's her problem? Things have been fine all week, she hasn't spoken to Grimm, but she hasn't ripped into him like she's doing now.

"He's a bit of a delinquent, so what? Everyone gets into fights at school, even you."

"I know!" She moans. "But Ichigo, he's _different_. Everywhere he goes... there are rumours about Aizen..."

I stop.

_Aizen_?

That crazy fuck?

I've never met him but rumours about him are about as well known as fairy tales around here.

A couple of years ago they finally sent him off to prison, but on flimsy charges; I heard he was released about a month ago, but no one has heard or seen him so there hasn't been much of a fuss. Apparently he's gone travelling or something.

But before he was locked up he worked himself up one hell of a reputation. By the age of 16 he had links in every school, in every street; people wanted what he had - dirty cheap drugs.

Believe it or not but Karakura actually has quite a big social divide. Some parts are older than others and so are kind of dilapidated and most of the families in those areas are pretty poor. They were Aizens key to gaining control.

Young, hardened by a harsher lifestyle, frustrated, power hungry.

A sterio typical teenager, if I'm honest.

And Aizen used this to his full advantage, giving them a purpose and a way to drown their sorrows. But most importantly, if you were associated with Aizen's name, you had the power of fear. People would offer you their respect. That's what those kids craved the most.

And of course it's our entire fault. The middle and upper classes; we didn't do a thing to stop them, or give the kids a different path to choose. We just shrugged our shoulders and blamed Aizen for stirring shit up.

But my dad was different. He had hundreds of kids over the years come to him with all sorts of drug related problems. So he broke away from the hospital where he worked and decided to take a more one-on-one approach. My dad is a hero to the kids of the slums.

He's a hero to me too.

But I've never met Aizen and no one has seen or heard a peep from him since his release. What is there to be afraid of? Besides, he's a million miles away from anything to do with me.

Suddenly I remember that I'm having an argument with Tatsuki, who is looking at me with pleading eyes.

"Ichigo-" She begins, ready to start the whole thing off again.

"Tasuki, _knock it off_." My anger flares and I see hurt flash across her face, but she covers it up with an angry scowl.

"Fine. I don't care. Be an asshole and get yourself killed, then!" She stalks off with her nose in the air. I sigh heavily, knowing I should chase after her and apologise, but I know I'm right so I hold myself back. Grimmjow isn't dangerous.

I spend lunch with Keigo and Mizuiro, enjoying their easy banter and light hearted antics.

I think I have History next. Excuse me whilst I do a little dance of joy.

I feel a little drained. I don't really like fights with Tatsuki, or when she goes into angry mode and doesn't speak to me for days.

Keigo and Mizuiro skip off to economics and I realise I'm miles from the history rooms so I have to accept the reality that I'm going to get a bollocking off Hitsugaya Sensei for being late. As I turn a corner, my mind is miles away and I bump into a frantic Grimmjow.

"Hey, where you been? We should get to History. Histugaya Sensei is gonna kick-" I start, but Grimm cuts me off.

"No time for that!" He says quickly. "Look at this!" He holds up a short curly white hair.

"Err..."

"I found this-" He shakes his hand, clenching the hair. "Here!" He gestures to his crotch.

"Grimm!" I say in horror. "I don't want to know the colour of your pubes-!"

He ignores me.

"They shouldn't be _white_! Ohh _God,_ I'm getting old! Soon my balls will fall off and-"

"I doubt that very much." I say nonchalantly. "Are you sure it just isn't _really_ blue or something?"

"No! Look! The walls are white and it blends in perfectly!" He holds the hair up to the wall as if to prove a point.

"Err..." There's no denying that the pube does look more white than blue...

His shoulders slump and he looks downcast.

"Let's go." He mutters. "We'll be late for history."

Is he sulking? He's sulking because he found a white pube? Amidst the ridiculousness of the situation I find the pouting Grimmjow before me too cute for words. I stay silent, trying to comprehend this, and follow him to class.

But _again_ as I go round _another _corner, I walk into someone.

"Ulquiorra!" I say in surprise. "Sorry, I didn't see you."

But the usually cold and aloof Ulquiorra isn't listening. He looks shaken and agitated. He briefly looks at me and ignores my apology (the grumpy bastard) but when his eyes fall on Grimmjow he looks relieved.

"Alright, Qui-chan?" Asks Grimmjow with a smirk but then he notices the other boy's slightly dishevelled appearance. "What's up?" He asks more seriously.

"Jaegerjaquez." Answers Ulquiorra. He sounds surprisingly calm. "Gin. He's on the roof. I had to get Nel out, you understand. There's no sign of Aizen, though."

"Where is Nel? Is she ok?" Demands Grimmjow.

"She's in the infirmary. I'm going back up to finish things. It's just me and Luppi today." Ulquiorra pauses for a moment as if contemplating something. "Will you help us?" He asks, quietly.

Grimmjow doesnt heisitate.

"Sure thing."

"Thank you." I hear Ulquiorra's voice wobble with gratitude. What is with everyone today? Acting so freaking _weird_.

I am thoroughly confused.

"Grimm, what the hell is going on?" I ask as he follows Ulquiorra to the steps to the roof. "_Grimm_!"

"Go back to class." He says. His sudden ferocity takes me off guard and he places a hand on my shoulder to stop me marching up the stairs after him.

"Why?" I ask, feeling even more confused and very left out.

He regards me for a second. He looks so torn, so frustrated, that I'm mesmerised by the intensity of it and I can't blink.

"It's dangerous."

Then he's gone.

Maybe Tatsuki was right. Maybe there is something deeper here, that I'm not aware of. Maybe Grimmjow is dangerous.

But he's also a friend. And friends don't let other friends go at it alone.

This is one of those life changing moments where you look back 50 years later and question what would happen if you had done things differently. If you had simply gone back to class and ignored all the drama. The thing is I don't have to wait 50 years to know that if I go into that classroom I will probably regret it.

I'm waiting for something, right?

Well it's now or never.

I turn around and ascend the stairs.

The first thing I register, as I open the door onto the roof, is a fully grown Grimmjow fly across my line of vision and sink his feet into the face of a presumed attacker.

Well that's something you don't see every day.

Grimmjow picks up the man (whose face now looks like a freshly minced burger) by the front of his shirt and starts to kick him in the stomach with gay abandon. I look to my left to see Ulquiorra and some guy, who I think I remember as Luppi, corner another, taller man.

The first thing I notice about this person is his eyes. Or rather, his horrendous squint. It's not a particularly bright day, I muse, so why has he got his eyes closed?

He seems to be able to see ok though, as he is dodging and throwing pretty accurate punches at Ulquiorra and... wait...

It's clear that the muscles in his arms are working furiously hard against Ulquiorra, but every time he attacks Luppi, his fists go all spazzy and its obvious he isnt hitting him properly. Is he even trying at all?

And wait! Luppi just staggered; the squinty guy didn't even hit him. Whose side is that kid even on?

But as I am criticising the pattern of attack I don't notice a third guy creep up behind me.

I feel arms around my neck and the cold bite of metal against my throat and I cry out in surprise.

"Ichigo!" Grimmjow shouts in panic; he drops the body he was smashing to pieces and his eyes go wide and frightened. I feel a gush of affection for him. Is he really that concerned about me?

"Don't move!" The guy holding me smells like piss. "Or I'll cut his pretty throat!"

Excuse me?

_Pretty? _

So I'm a chick now? That's a little bruising to my ego.

I plunge my elbow into his spleen and I feel it sink in like butter. He drops the knife and spit flies out of his mouth hitting my check as I spin around and head butt him. I feel the crack of bone under my forehead and I smile when he screams in pain and claws at his broken nose.

But it doesn't stop there.

'_Pretty'_ indeed...

I pull back my clenched fist and submerge it into his jaw. I grab the front of his shirt and stoop down to grab his thigh. I swing my body round and pull him off his feet; halfway through the swing I let go and he goes _flying_.

Yeah.

I was totally a ninja in a past life.

He nearly hits the cornered squinty eyed guy, who has to take a large sidestep to miss being hit.

Mr Squinty (yes, that's his new name) freezes. He looks at me and suddenly he doesn't look so harmless anymore. He looks a little frightening as he bears his teeth at me in a soundless hiss. But before I can say anything, he back-flips off the top of the building.

"OH MY GOD!" I scream, running over to the bars where Mr Squinty leapt from. "CALL A FUCKING AMBALANCE!" Is he dead? Why did he do that?

"No... he got away..." Mutters Ulquiorra. Sure enough, Mr Squinty is fine. I spot him sprinting away at lightning speed across the playing field below us.

I spin around.

"What the _fuck _was that, Grimm? Seriously, _what the hell is going on_?"

Grimm snaps to attention, but not before I catch him giving me a dreamy look. I ignore my thundering pulse and try to continue to glare at him expectantly.

"Err... That was Gin." He replies after a moment.

I pause.

"And _who _the fuck is Gin?"

"That's a good question." Interrupts Luppi. I decide I don't like him. His skin is pale and feminine, his hair neatly shaped into a delicate bob, and his lips are pink and pert. He might as well be a girl. But I don't like the expression he wears when he addresses Grimmjow. His eyes are brimming with hate and malice.

But also, don't interrupt me when I'm speaking, please.

"Why don't _you_ answer, Grimmjow?" Luppi continues, smirking haughtily. He clearly enjoys talking to Grimm like he's a dog, who meets his snarky look with a furious glare of his own. "You're in with that crowd aren't you?"

At his last words, Grimmjow freezes. He suddenly looks nauseated and torn up. It's like the look he gave me on the stairs before he told me it was dangerous. But clearly, whatever Luppi is implying, is tormenting Grimmjow.

"I think that's enough, Luppi." Says Ulquiorra quietly. "Thanks" He adds, and I am shocked to see him looking at me.

"Err... No problem?" I say, feeling awkward.

"I'll see you round, Grimmjow. Thank you, again. It seems I still owe you." He looks at Grimmjow as he speaks, trying to draw his attention away from Luppi.

"Yeah, bye." Mutters Grimmjow; finally relenting and nodding at Ulquiorra with a grim smile which doesn't reach his eyes.

The roof door slams shut as Ulquiorra and Luppi, throwing Grimmjow a final dirty look, leave.

There is a long silence.

I'm not thick ok? I can take a hint. But why Grimmjow would be working with Mr Squinty is a mystery to me. If anyone, that Luppi guy is fishy.

"You're not hurt are you?" I ask him. I probably shouldn't breech the subject right away.

Its like Grimmjow snaps out of a daydream and he turns his attemtion to me.

"Huh?" He didn't hear me at all.

"I said," Breathing in weightily, and feeling very much like I'm addressing a deaf, old age pensioner. "You're not hurt are you? From fighting?"

"No, no. I'm fine. I've got bones made of metal. I suppose im a living wolverine." He cracks a grin but it isnt a real. I guess he'll talk to me about whats bothering me when he's ready.

We make our way down the stairs and through the corridors of school. There's no way were going to history now. We might as well go home.

"Say, do you wanna come over? We could watch a film, or something? Maybe get a pizza?" I ask him at the school gates. I don't want him to be alone right now. Rather, _I_ don't want to be alone right now.

But Grimmjow isnt listening again. He's looking at me with this unnerving sort of smile. Kind of sad and grateful and lonely all in one. But smile all the same.

"You came back." He tells me. "I told you to go back to class but you came back for me."

"Well, duh." I say, angrily. "Your a friend of mine. I wasn't going to let you fight alone, now was I?"

But is that really all there was to it? He's a friend? When did that happen? Truth be told, I don't know what's going on. I just don't want Grimmjow to be alone.

Or...

Is it that I don't want to be without Grimmjow? I want him near me?

"Well thanks, anyway." He gives me a smile and laughs at my stubborn behaviour.

Then something very odd happens.

Well, it's not really odd _exactly_; I mean it's just a thought. People have thoughts all the time. But what _is_ odd is the nature of the thought.

_I'm attracted to Grimm._

My heart twists painfully and I'm not so sure the warm feeling in my chest is a good thing because it really does feel a lot like vomit.

**Oh, poor Ichigo! :( MAN UP! ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**_Thank you everyone who has taken the time to review! :D I appreciate it and love you!_**

**_This chapter has given me so much grief! I cant help but think I've crammed to much emotion and drama into a single chapter... But anyway... I'll begrudgingly give it to you anyway._**

I'm attracter to Grimm, huh?

I push this thought out of my mind for the moment. I don't think about it, I don't even consider what those words might mean.

There are bigger things to think about right now.

We head back to my house. It's odd walking through town without the place buzzing with teenagers (since they are all still in school *insert evil laugh*). There's only mum's with small children and a few OAP's wondering around.

Grimmjow did decide to come over in the end. I guess the promise of eating a fat Pizza for tea is enough to heal any inner turmoil as he chat's with me quite jovially. As we discuss what different types of sweets you can mix with vodka, I begin wonder if Grimm has some kind of internal switch he can flick on or off at a moment's notice because I really can't see a trace of the distress on his face that I saw earlier.

But as the walk home is a good 20 minutes I have no choice but to push my concern and curiosity under the carpet and grin at him cheerily as he now talks about hot dog flavoured alcohol.

We arrive at home and my dad is still next door working at the clinic, so I count my lucky stars and pull Grimmjow into the house. We fanny around in the kitchen for a while; the talk about booze encourages conversation about getting drunk.

"What's the worst you've _ever_ been?" Grimmjow asks me as I hand him a glass of OJ.

I swear sometimes it's like Grimm is reading my mind. The one thing I never wanted to bring up again...

"I woke up in hospital on an IV drip." I stagger out, wincing as I watch his reaction.

"Holy hell! Are you being serious?" His jaw drops and he looks flabbergasted. "I wouldn't put you as the alcoholic type, Ichigo." Then Grimm descends into laughter.

"Yeah, _so_?" I say indignantly. It's still a touchy subject for me. Its also one of my biggest regrets. Why didn't I eat something before I went to Keigo's and drank my ass into the gutter? "Hasn't _everyone_ done something stupid?"

Its like that sentence whips him across the face. He stops laughing, he stop smiling; now saying those last few words becomes another huge regret to me.

"Yeah, your right." He grinds out. His expression from earlier on the roof returns and my stomach sinks as I realise I've only caused him more pain. His brow sinks into a frown and his eyes look detached and bitter.

"Have... have you ever done drugs?" He asks quickly, eyes suddenly flickering to my face nervously.

I've been brought up to know about medicine and drugs alike. My dad taught me from an early age not to abuse that knowledge and to say no when my safety is at stake. I know what drugs can do to you, I've even seen some of it first hand through kids that come into the clinic, as high as kites, frothing at the mouth and smelling like piss.

But what has Grimmjow done? Is he in trouble? He could be. I keep forgetting that he isn't my best friend and I don't know everything there is to know about him. He's had an entire history without me in it. Anything could have happened.

For the first time in my life, though, I wish I had done drugs. I know my logic is going to sound twisted but if I had, maybe I could sympathise more with what Grimmjow is about to tell me.

It breaks my heart to say "No, Grim. I haven't."

Is he afraid I'll judge him? That I'll put him on the same level as those crack heads that always used to bang on our door in the middle of the night?

Wait, wait – Calm down, Ichigo. Dont get too carried away. He hasn't even said anything yet.

But a huge part of me hopes he hasn't ever touched a pill or a needle or some powder. I feel nauseous panic rise in my like lava.

"I was 14." Grimmjow begins to speak. "I was curious. I was stupid." He doesnt look at me. "I was misguided."

Grimmjow didn't go to Karakura middle school, the one right next to the high school, instead he went to Matsukura middle school, near the old run down hospital. A year or so ago a weird man named Kanonji or something came to town and did a big spiritual séance there. But he was chased out of town by the kids from that area. The hospital was their secret base or something.

That area was, if you like, the epicentre of Aizen's network of drugs before he was locked awa-

_Oh._

Maybe the horror is reflected in my expression because Grimmjow suddenly rips himself from his chair and paces around the kitchen table furiously.

"It's... not what you think." His voice struggles to stay even. "It was an accident the first time; an _accident_. Like I said I was only 14. And stupid. _Very, very_ stupid."

He stops pacing and sits down opposite me again. I watch his nostrils flare as he tries to breath normally and gain control on himself.

"I've always been a loner, always. Its just the way I am. I'm not good for people." The way he says that, it seems like he thinks it's a fact; like he can never be happy or something. I want to speak out against him but he holds up a hand which silences me.

"I didn't realise the loneliness was slowly eating me up from the inside. Ulquiorra saved me, gave me people to call my friends, he let me grow into the person I am now. I swore an oath of loyalty to him. He'll be my friend until I die." And for once Grimmjow's scowl slips and he smiles nosalgicly.

Yeah ok, I can relate to that. Its similar with me and Chad. I'd always felt a little brittle and breakable before Chad came along and anchored me.

"Then after Ulquiorra, there was Nel. The hottest girl in the world but I didn't feel attracted to her in the slightest." Grimmjow chuckles, his eyes going soft. "I never had a sister, but if I did, I like to think she'd be like Nel."

I feel a sudden surge of emotion. Do I take my own sisters for granted? Maybe they can get a pizza with us later.

"Then followed Nnoitra, Yammy and Luppi. Nnoitra looks like a piarate and Yammy is 100% muscle." But then Grimm laughs sadly.

"Thats when I fucked everything up."

He pauses and gives me a look that says he wants me to know, but he just doesn't want to say it.

Oh god, oh god, oh god... What's he done?

"I went to Aizen. At first it was just tobacco, then I wanted some weed. Not so bad, right? I mean everyone's done it." He sounds like he's trying to reassure himself. "But... I wanted to try something a little stronger. I was at a self-destructive phase. I genuinely thought I was invincible. So I asked Aizen for some Cocain."

Of course it was going to be something like that but I still wasn't prepared for the reality of Grimmjow's words.

Everything just swamps me at once. The frustration that he would be so stupid, the concern for his health, the awe that he had the balls at such a young age and, and...

My eyes begin to burn.

"But I didn't sniff it. Infact I didn't do anything with it. I kept it in my pocket for about a week, enjoyed the buzz I got at school from carrying it around; then Nel found it. Once _look_ from her silenced me forever and I threw it in a bin. I haven't thought about it since." Grimmjow says with a little smile.

But it's no use; my eyes are fit to bursting. I squeeze them shut and pull a hand over my face.

"Ichigo?" Grimmjow's asks, his voice now flooded with concern.

"It's just," I suck in a heavy breath, willing myself not to break into uncontrollable sobs. "It's just so _sad_."

I hate how I can't say something which would make Grimmjow feel better.

"It was my own fault." He says quietly. Grimm is looking at me with a sort of confused expression. "It wasn't like I was all alone. I had my family, I had my friends. I just thought I knew better than all of them. You don't need to cry. I didn't even take any, I just said." He reaches a hand across the table as if to comfort me but I pull away angrily.

"Of course I do!" I inject furiously. "Of course I need to cry! The fact that you felt you needed to buy drugs _at all_...! _That's_ the sad part!"

And with that a harsh sob bursts from my mouth but I'm beyond caring. Men can get emotional too, right?

Besides, I'm not made of stone.

"Yeah..." Grimmjow is looking at me curiously. "You might be right. I'm sorry." He reaches for my wrist again and this time I don't flinch away. His thumb traces my veins softly and small, spiky pinpricks of heat begin to erupt across my skin where he touches me. But then I realise I'm being comforted, not the other way around, so I dry my tears, man up a little, and tell Grimmjow to keep talking.

"The end of my druggie days didn't mean the end of my relationship with Aizen though. When I didn't get in touch for a while he came and found me at school. I told him thanks, but no thanks. Turns out that wasn't enough for Aizen though. Once a customer, always a customer.

"'No' I said to him. 'Leave me the fuck alone.' That just made him angry. He cornered me, slapped me around a bit and then began to full on _stalk_ me. He'd follow me everywhere. Sometimes i'd see him, sometimes I wouldn't, but I could always _feel_ him there, hovering behind me." Grimmjow's expression suddenly goes as hard as stone. I feel pity swirl in my gut like vomit. "It was enough to make anyone go mad. I stuck with it for as long as I could, but I become really paranoid. I thought someone had been in my house; some person had closed the doors of my wardrobe, when I always leave them open, they had been through my stuff because it was all still a mess but there was something eerily neat about the way my video games decided to line themselves up like that..." He trials off for a second and there's a frantic glint in his eyes. He abruptly goes quiet and looks at me with a pained smile.

"I know I sound absolutely mad... But thats what it was like. Everything just got to me. I'd spend hours just sitting in the corner of my room biting my nails, convinced Aizen was about to jump out at me or murder me in my sleep."

Grimm shakes his head and chuckles darkly, "Grim times, indeed. But then..." And his face brightens up.

"Ulquiorra noticed my obviously weird behaviour. But instead of deserting me... he showed me the truest kind of friendship there is. He wanted to help me. He formed a plan. Well... it wasn't really his idea... It was sort of the _only_ way we were _ever_ going to get Aizen off my back. We broke into his little warehouse with a camcorder; we were planning on recording some stuff for evidence so there was a strong enough case to get him arrested."

That sounds plausible. Stupid, _very_ stupid, but they could have done it, right? So Grimmjow was the one who put Aizen in jail...?

"But we were 14. We didn't know what the _fuck_ we were getting into. We screwed up big time and the plan went to pot. Aizne was waiting for us. We had the shit ripped out of us quite literally. Its was the most bloody thing I've ever seen... And Nels screams... She was holding the camera and when Aizen saw it he went absolutely mental. He broke her legs. I've never seen anything so scary before."

I feel a tremor of fear.

"I've never seen anyone go that crazy before. Aizens a pretty likeable guy when you first meet him; he's polite and a real smooth talker, but he's got some sort of personality defect. I thinks its bi-polar or something because one minute he was giving me this chilly smile, the next he had picked up this massive concrete brick and was breaking every bone he could get his filthy hands on."

He stops talking and pauses for a second, then he undoes the top button of his school shirt and shows me a big scar on his shoulder that looks like a perfect 'L' shaped right angle. The area where the skin has been sewn back together doesnt quite line up, and the scar itself is pink and shiny.

I've had my fair share of scars as well but you can tell right away that whatever caused that beauty broke bones, severed nerves and tore muscles; it screams violence and ill-intent.

I swallow and the lump in my throat tells me I'm not ready to speak yet.

"He caught me with the end of it when I tried to get him off Nel. Crushed my collar bone. We only managed to escape on a rush of adrenaline."

"Shit." I croak. Grimmjow laughs bitterly.

"My thoughts exactly."

Oh yeah, I forgot we're sat at the kitchen table. I was so wrapped up in Grimmjow's grim tale.

"Do you wanna order some food?" I ask cautiously, not too sure how to deal with the sober mood that has settled over us.

"Huh? Oh yeah, sure. Pizza?" Grimmjow perks up slightly. I smile at how food seems to cheer him up.

I reach for the menu and phone and suddenly in bounds Yuzu, bursting with the same manic energy as dad.

"Ohh, Ichig-ni! You should have seen Karin! She scored three goals and won the match!" She blabs excitedly. Karin had a soccer match today, I think.

"Oh, brill." I say, genuinely happy for Karin, but I'm not going to do a little jig and make myself look like a retard. "Well done, kiddo." I say to Karin as she stalks in moodily, but she has a slight spring in her step today. Thats all the self-expression you'll ever get from Karin.

"Thanks." She nods her head and takes the menu off me. "Your treat then? I want onion rings, chips, a coke, and a margarita pizza with peppers. Oh, and one of those penguin ice cream things. Yuzu will have the same." And with that Karin snatches her sisters hand, as Yuzu gazes mesmerised at a smirking Grimmjow, and pulls her into the living room to play video games.

"Sorry about Yuzu." I release a breath of laughter. "She's probably got a crush on you now."

Grimmjow chuckles as well. "Dont mention it. I cant think of anyone who doesnt." He grins a little to smugly for my tastes so I ignore him and phone through our orders.

"Karin, is that her name?"

"Mmm." I say 30 minutes later through a mouthful of stolen onion rings.

"She looks like you." Grimm remarks, sipping his fanta.

"Hah. Yeah, we both have the same scowl and temper."

"Yuzu reminds me of you as well."

"Really? We get on quite well, but were totally different. People say Karin's more like me. Yuzu's the more mothering type. That's not really my forte."

Grimmjow laughs, flicking his hand gaily.

"Ohh, do excuse me for being so rude! I didn't know it wasn't your _forte_." I scowl at him, realising he's mocking me but he ignores my glare and keeps laughing. I throw my empty pepsi can at him and when it bounces right off his temple, his shocked and confused expression is so cute, it makes me burst into laughter.

A few minutes later after we have calmed down and finished our food, Grimmjow inspects his empty plate thoughtfully.

"You are the mothering type, you know. Or maybe not _mothering_ exactly, but caring."

I don't really know what to say.

I do care, but not many people see it. I always used to think, maybe if I was more like Yuzu, or more like dad, and be more expressive, people would like me better. But I just get uncomfortable giving to much of myself away to people.

Sometime after mum died I did try to be more friendly. I tried to smile at people in the street, I tried to be generous and helpful to my classmates, I even tried to be deliberately funny, but it just didn't feel right and it was exhausting to keep it up.

I turned into an awkward teenager, feeling alone and cut off. I got over it, though, and grew up a little. I accepted that this is the way I am and I made friends with people in my own way.

But no one has ever said that I'm a caring person.

So for Grimmjow to see the side of me that I want to show to everyone... that means one hell of a lot to me.

So, in typical Ichigo fashion, I tell Grimmjow to bugger off and stop being such a sap.

"Says the guy who cried earlier because he thought my story was _sad_." Grimmjow mutters darkly, but grinning at my outraged expression.

"That was entirely different! Tears are just tears. You're blabbing about sentimental crap and getting all mushy! That's so unmanly."

"So is crying~" Grimmjow says in a sing-song voice.

"Thats different. Everyone cries whether they want to or not; it isn't really something you can suppress. You, on the other hand, are perfectly capable of keeping little speeches about 'being motherly' and 'caring' to yourself."

But Grimmjow doesnt retort in the way I thought he might. Instead, he sees right through me again.

"Do you cry a lot?"

"What? No!" I exclaim, suddenly furious. I'm not a pussy! But when I think about when my mum died... "I guess I cry about as much as the next person. I'm not gonna burst into tears if someone punches me, but I get upset and frustrated like everyone else."

"Awww! So not only are you caring, but your _sensitive_, too!" He clasps his hands together and makes big goo-goo eyes like he's cooing a baby.

"No, I am _not_!" I hiss in outrage, kicking his chair under the table so it catches him off guard and he falls off. Then, like some weird ninja type person, he is suddenly under the table and dragging me off my chair by my leg. We throw a few weak punches then remember we bought ice cream and it needs to be eaten.

"Can I ask you something?" I query a few hours later. Grimm has decided to sleep over, so he's borrowed one of my shirts to sleep in. It's so weird watching him wear my clothes as he pad's across the room to turn off the light.

Yes, that's the word I'm going to use. _Weird_.

Weird because my stomach has knotted painfully tight and there's that warm feeling in my gut again that feels like sick.

"No." Grimmjow says bluntly, now firmly snuggled in his (borrowed) sleeping bag on the floor. I hear him chuckle. Him and his stupid sarcasm.

"_Ha-ha_." I mutter, rolling my eyes.

I pause for a moment, distracted by the way Grimm's hair looks silver in the darkness.

He's a pretty straightforward person, so I might as well be straightforward about my questions.

"How come Aizen only got two years? I mean wasn't he up to his eyeballs in drugs? How the hell did that go unnoticed?" I blurt out.

Grimmjow laughs humourlessly.

"That in itself shows the true strength of Aizen. The only way he'll ever be stopped is if someone kills his crazy ass."

Then I think Grimm opens his eyes because suddenly there are two silver pupils observing me through the shadows. They look wide and ghostly. Goosebumps abruptly rip across my skin.

"He is more of a monster than you know."

So, Tatsuki was right? Grimmjow is dangerous because of his association with Aizen. I mean Aizen's fucked off now and all, but they've got such a gory history together; what if he comes back? What if he thinks Grimm put him in jail and now wants revenge?

No, _really_... What will I do?

If Aizen was in this room right now, ready to drag Grimmjow away or to murder him where he sleeps... What would I do?

Rather than think up reasons why I shouldn't get involved, the only thing I can think of is reasons why I should.

"Your pretty much a friend now, you know." I say to Grimm's silhouette.

"Yeah. But I'm a threat as well. No one actually knows where Aizens buggered off too." I can only see darkness. Grimmjow has turned over and has his back to me. He sounds a little bitter. "You know... Your probably better off without-"

"Friends protect each other, right?" I speak over him, loudly. Of course he's a danger, and I know for a fact i'd be better off without him, but he's a friend.

After watching mum just slip away from me down that river bank... there's no way on earth I can just sit and watch Grimmjow waste away without a friend in the world to cover his back.

"Right?" I ask again persistently, because he is oddly quiet. But I feel fatigue from the entire day press down on me and my eyelids feel heavy. "Right, Grimmjow?"

But I'm just too tired. The darkness pulls me under.

I have a dream about dancing silver-blue orbs that glitter and gleam. I hear a voice as well.

"God... Kami... Ichigo... _Thank you_."

_**BOO-HOO! D: Sorry I'm so sappy... I CAN CHANGE!**_

**_But more importantly - DO YOU UNDERSTAND? DOES THIS MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL? D:_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**HOHOHO!**_

Inoue is practically shitting out hearts, come Monday morning, bless her.

She is perched on Ishida's lap, talking gaily about a leek cake she made on Sunday. Ishida himself looks slightly uncomfortable as Inoue doesn't seem to realise her breasts are now at eye level, however on the whole, Ishida looks pretty pleased with himself.

I have to say, I am very happy for them.

I'm also happy Tatsuki isn't mad about me befriending Grimmjow anymore. Well... she probably is. But the whole issue has taken a backseat, if only for a while.

Tatsuki is sat at the desk next to where Ishida and Inoue are gazing into each other's eyes with admiration. She looks at them with a little smile on her face. If Inoue is happy then so is she. Maybe she won't have to worry about her so much anymore.

You would think, wouldn't you, that things between myself and Ishida might mellow out slightly, that we might be more composed with each other, that we might **–insert pained expression-** become _friends_.

I don't really know what I expected from Ishida.

But it certainly wasn't the superior shit-eating smirk I received when he glanced at him.

I feel my jaw drop and I gape at him.

He's looking at me with an expression which clearly says; _"Oh, look at that! A hot, big breasted female has fallen into my lap! Whatever shall I do?"_

I scowl back at him.

Up until last week he had the role of leading gay in the year, what with his little sewing hobby. I have totally just saved his street cred! And this is how he repays me? By reminding me that I am painfully alone and without the attentions of a sexy specimen of the opposite sex.

What a knob.

Then the bell goes and in walks Grimmjow.

He's never on time, but not quite late either. He also looks quite tired. After what he told me the other day I'm not really surprised. I don't really know what to think, if I'm honest. I guess it's just something that has happened and no one can do anything. Still, I feel bad for him. His friends abandoned him and, although he didn't say, he probably feels like he isn't worth their time. Although, I'm not too sure why he suddenly wanted to become best buddies with me and hang out and stuff. But more than anything I feel angry.

I look down at my hand and the pen I'm clutching is bobbing ever so slightly with my rapid heartbeat.

_Fucking Aizen..._

Sure, he sounds like a lunatic, but I just want to punch him in the face so badly!

I haven't been paying attention to class at all and I am suddenly brought back to the present by chattering voices. I glance to Chad who sits behind me.

"Hey, what's going on?"

Chad totally ignores the fact that I haven't been paying attention and simply answers the question. No disapproving sighs or huffing. I love you, Chad!

"We are having a new teacher." He answers.

"Oh..."

I am about to inquire further when in walks a red, spiky, prick.

His hair is so much longer than I ever remembered. It is pulled into a high ponytail and it makes him look like an overgrown pineapple that no one really wants to eat because, really, it looks slightly deformed.

He is wearing a plain grey suit and a tie with creepy little bunnies on it that Rukia probably made him wear. He is wearing leather boots that I'm sure aren't allowed in school and a huge belt buckle with a large ornamental guitar on it.

I shake my head and snort. He thinks he's _so_ cool.

Suddenly a chalk rubber hits me in the temple and I nearly fall off my chair.

"Pay attention, moron!" He shouts. I'm in shock for a moment.

"Fuc-!"

"_Ichigo_!" I hear Tatsuki hiss.

I settle for giving Renji my biggest scowl and I lean back in my chair, arms folded, chin set.

"I'm gonna be your new English teacher, so get your crap out on the desk where I can see it. Pass these books back and I want you all to read chapters 1 through to 6. Make notes on the main character and her prospective of the events and people around her. Also try to explain why her prospective is so important and why it might appeal to the targeted audience."

We all sit frozen for a second.

"Come on then! Read, you little retards!"

Not surprisingly most of the female population of the class were practically ready to gang rape the bastard by the end of the lesson. He's always been a hit with the ladies, but he's only ever cared about one.

Renji and Rukia held my family together when I was sure it would fall apart.

After my mum died, my dad kind of withdrew for a while and someone had to take care of us. Renji and Rukia moved in right away and helped my family get back on its feet. But then he and Rukia got jobs far away. We still kept in contact through the occasional phone call though; in fact I think I spoke to him a few months ago.

Renji has always been a sort of a big brother figure to me. I really looked up to him, and I still do. Even though he was so much older, he always understood what I was talking about; whether it was about the monsters that lived under my bed or my newest imaginary friend, Renji always made things seem like they mattered and were worth his time and worry.

Rukia was never a replacement for my mother. She would never hug me or shower me with kisses like my mother would. I was so grateful for that. She wasn't trying to take her place; she was simply being herself and loving me in her own way. She would never read to me at night; instead she would make _me_ read to _her_. It's how I got into Shakespeare. She would make me read a sonnet or we would prat about re-enacting parts of _The Merchant of Venice_. Then she would explain what it all meant and talk to me like an intellectual other. I felt so grown up. I think I needed that. I needed someone to help me to continue to grow from where my mother left off.

Then, they both left together and had their own adventures.

I feel a blunt object stab my head for a second time today. Though this time, thank goodness, the object is not travelling at high speeds, and is in fact Grimmjow's finger.

"Oi, wanna get some or somthin'? I have money today."

Oh yeah, its lunch already. I wonder absently where the day has gone. Not that im complaining. I love days that go by so fast you blink and suddenly its time to go home.

"Hellooo?" Grimmjow pokes my in the head again.

He is leaning with his elbow on my desk face alarmingly close to mine. He looks sort of bored but he has a little smirk in place.

_I'm attracted to Grimm._

This thought has been plaguing my dreams. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. But there is no way in hell I am gay or anything like that. Just, _no_. Never ever. I like girls. They are soft and pretty and smell like flowers and rainbows and stuff, right?

But of course it's perfectly acceptable for me to be attracted to him. I mean... His eyes are so expressive and impossibly blue, and his smile is arrogant yet there is something playful and appealing about it. He has a nice body (as I have previously discovered) and he's quite pants-wettingly funny, if I may say so. I don't think I have ever laughed so much in my life.

Ok, Grimmjow is hot, but it isn't illegal to appreciate beauty. Besides, I'm also attracted to chicken curry, marzipan, ginger beer and kittens.

It's not just Grimmjow. He's nothing special.

There.

Feelings assessed.

Nothing to worry about.

I stand up abruptly.

"Sure, let's go to the canteen. It's hot pot today." By the time he has even lifted his elbow off the table I am out the door.

"Wait up, Ichigo!" He calls. I hear him jog after me. My feet, however, have suddenly developed their own free will and decide to sprint, rather than walk, like normal people. I hear him speed up as well and a sort of chase ensues down the corridor. I panic when I realize this is extremely odd behaviour and that I have absolutely no excuse for suddenly running away from Grimmjow.

But then he starts to make a noise like a Red Indian, chasing a startled boar and the whole thing becomes utterly hilarious. He starts to laugh as well in between his battle cries and we get louder and louder. I find it difficult to run and I being to slow down and get a stitch from so much laughing. We take a turn down a deserted corridor and I stop, trying to catch my breath, clutching desperately at my side.

But Grimmjow runs into me and knocks me off guard. He grabs my waist and jabs me in the side, tickling me.

"Gaaahh!" I let out an uncharacteristically loud yell and start to squirm frantically in his hands.

"No-no! I'm sorry!" Although I can't remember what for. "S-stop! _Ahaha_!"

I don't really like my laugh. It doesn't suit me. Truth be told it's a big laugh and it always draws attention to me. Sure, Grimm has made me laugh before, but I have always maintained some degree of control. But I'm so stupidly ticklish that I just start to shout and flail about without restraint and my real laugh escapes me.

"_Ahahahaha_!"

Then Grimmjow is laughing along as well because this whole situation is altogether quite ridiculous.

Then his breath tickles my ear.

My knees _literally_ go weak and buckle under neither me. I slump limply against him; I'm dazed and breathing heavily. His body feels warm and solid against mine.

His arms under my armpits position me upright again and I am not entirely sure what has just happened.

_I'm attracted to Grimm._

_Shut up! I'm also attracted to the smell of bacon._

However then we are interrupted by Renji The Subtle.

"Alright fags?" He drawls. I feel myself suddenly sober up and I glare at him, impossibly angry for some reason.

_Fag?_

"How you been, Itchy?" He asks leering at me. I don't think he realizes that, actually, I'm slightly offended.

I decide to ignore his insult. Why would I even be offended to begin with? It's not like I _am_ a fag, after all.

"Yeah, alright thanks, Renji. What about you? Did you bring Rukia-?"

Suddenly a leg comes flying out of nowhere and a loud crack resounds off the walls as Renji gets his face kicked in.

Grimmjow whistles loudly, raising an eyebrow at Rukia as she straightens up.

He attention snaps to Grimmjow and he grins at her lazily. She apparently deems him harmless and settles for a giving him grim smile

Then she turns to me and promptly kicks me in the shin.

"Ow! What the fuck, you crazy midget?" I yell clutching my shattered tibia.

Her face softens as she watches me dance in pain.

"You've grown up so much Ichigo..."

Then she kicks me again in the same spot.

"Too much! Who said you could be taller than me?"

Through the pain I remember that it's always been this way. I didn't realize I would miss them so much when they left.

"Only one year left of school then, Ichigo." She says conversationally, ignoring my grimace as I gingerly rub my leg. "You know what you wanna do after?"

"Err... Work at dad's clinic I guess."

"Ohh... _adventurous_." She says, trying not to roll her eyes. I don't miss her sarcasm. "Well anyway, me and this prick-" She gestures over her shoulder to Renji, hunched over, clutching his pulverized jaw. "-have been invited to Urahara's by your dad for a little catch up. You aren't doing anything to night are you?"

"Nope, don't think so."

"Good." She smiles smugly. "You can babysit your sisters."

I feel myself scowl at her.

_God I've missed you._

"See you round then, Ichi. Bye." She adds to Grimmjow, looking at him again.

"See ya Itchy." Renji says with difficulty, Rukia hooking her arm around his waist and dragging him away.

Me and Grimmjow are left alone in the corridor. Silence descends.

"I didn't know you knew a teacher." Grimmjow suddenly says, beginning to walk towards the canteen.

"Ohh, uhh yeah. They helped my family out after my mum died." I answer, thankful for something to talk about. We push open the doors and enter the lunch room. The queue is huge, but we stand at the back and wait patiently.

"I didn't know your mum died, either." He says quietly. I look at him but he isn't looking at me.

"Yeah, she died when I was nine." I answer; feeling like this is a very odd conversation.

"Sorry." He mumbles.

"I forgive you."

"For what?" He asks, turning to me. He looks confused.

"Well you said sorry, so I assumed-" I start, smirking at him.

"Shut up you wanker." He chuckles and punches me in the shoulder.

I sigh in relief.

"You got any brothers or sister?" He questions.

"Yeah, two younger sisters. You?"

"Nah, I'm an only child."

I ponder this. So where were his parents, then, when he was having hassle from Aizen?

"What do your mum and dad do?" I ask.

"Oh, well my mum likes her job more than her family so she's never home and my dad doesn't believe I'm his kid so he doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Shit." I feel this sums up his life pretty well.

"Yeah, but it isn't as bad as it sounds. I've got like shitloads of money and i've got loads of freedom to do whatever the hell I want. My mum just comes home every couple of months to make sure the mess I make doesn't get to extensive." He grins at me. "I'm livin' it up, babe!"

I snort.

"All right then _babe_, lunch is on you then?" I smirk.

That evening I invite Grimmjow over to watch a film. My sisters are upstairs, doing girly shit with a beaten up stuffed lion they found in the road.

"What does Rukia do then, if Renji's a teacher?" Asks Grimm.

I've told Grimm all about Renji and Rukia and how they took care of me after mum died.

"Rukia works for the police, or something like that."

"Ohh, cool." He pauses in opening the DVD case. "Do you mind me asking... how your mum died?"

I laugh dryly.

"It was so long ago, Grimm, you don't have to treat me like I'm emotionally retarded."

He chuckles softly. "Right, sorry."

"She drowned."I say, observing the battered TV remote. "We were walking back from my karate lesson when I was about 9. It was raining so hard. We reached the other side of the bridge and were so close to home, but she slipped down the muddy bank and into the river. They found her body about a week later a few miles upriver from here."

People are always shocked into silence when I finish telling them how I lost my mother. Grimmjow is no different.

However after a moment or two he speaks.

"You know she'd be proud of you, right?"

Its the simplest things like that which I forget. She _would_ be proud of me, wouldn't she?

For the first time in years I feel my heart loosen up; as if it had gone rusty and has forgotten to pump blood around my body.

My bloods pumping now though; it's rushing to my face.

"What film you got?" I ask Grimm from the sofa, begging for some sort of distraction.

"The grudge." He smirks and tosses the case to me.

An hour or so later we are literally _shitting_ ourselves with fright.

"Ohh my god, where the hell is her jaw?"

"Is that even biologically possible?"

"No, it can't be! Look at it, her tongue is still flopping around!"

Unconsciously over the course of the film we have moved closer together on the sofa. Our knees are a breath apart.

Renji and Rukia left ages ago.

I have always been jealous of them. When I was with the both of them, although their attention was on me, I always felt like a third wheel. Their secret glances and lingering touches; I always knew they were closer than they ever admitted. I just wanted them all to myself, but I not at the same time; it was more complicated than that.

I wanted Renji to play ninja's with me and then I wanted to run to Rukia and eat her rock cakes. I didn't want Rukia to join in and play ninja's, she couldn't keep up with us and I didn't want Renji to eat the rock cakes Rukia said were for _me_.

I knew it was selfish but I couldn't help it.

I wanted them both to be mine.

And now, sat here on the sofa with Grimmjow, I think I have found someone who I can have all for myself.

_**Oh Ichigo, you selfish little punk! But we love you~! :D REVIEW!**_


	6. Chapter 6

That night I slept badly.

I wake drenched in a cold sweat and the tell-tale signs of being an over hormonal teenager are staining the front of my boxers.

I sit up and put my head in my hands. For some reason I feel sick; my breathing is erratic and I'm trembling desperately.

But why? What was I dreaming about? I can't remember...

_Shit_.

It was probably that shadow again. Or... to be more accurate, it's more of a whiteness. Thats the only way I can describe it. It has long pale fingers, a deliciously teasing tongue and eyes darker than coal.

Every now and then I have a dream about it. I don't know who it is, or even what it is. But it touches me and makes me come. When I jerk of I imagine my hands are its hands touching me.

But no matter how hard I look, even if I grab its face and look into its eyes, I can't actually see _It_. It's as if I'm looking into a mirror and I only see myself gazing back, looking turned on and confused. But then its fingers creep around my cock and I'm coming violently.

_It._

_The white hand._

I dread those dreams. Because although I always feel mind melting pleasure at the hands of it, the reality of what it _really_ is, scares me to death.

Honestly, there is no other human being who has felt fear like this.

I'm terrified.

I pull my head out of my hands and swing out of bed.

Time to start another day. I strip off my boxers and throw them in the wash bin. I dash naked into the bathroom and lock the door. I start a shower and step inside.

I let the boiling hot water scold my skin, erasing everything. I turn it down to freezing and I stand there for a while shivering and watching my dick cool off as the cold water touches my skin. I fill my head with thoughts of school and work and what do I fancy for lunch, today?

Thirty minutes later I make my way downstairs and reach for some toast that is sitting on the table. Yuzu manhandles me until I eat a bacon sandwich as well and I throw a fist at my father's face because he is far to observant for his own good, and a hug isn't going to make me feel better. I ruffle Karin's hair and she scowls up at me. Yuzu tries to pull of off my feet in a big bear hug and I kick my dad in the shin one more time before I leave for school.

It's a normal day.

And just like every other normal day, I'm scared.

Scared because, deep down, I know what It is, but I'm a teenager and so I do what teenagers do best; avoid reality.

Before lunch we have Art. Grimmjow isn't in my class and so I sit with Inoue and Tatsuki. Matsumoto Sensei disappears and comes back dragging Hitsugaya Sensei by the upper arm.

"Class, today we are going to go outside and explore the beautiful landscapes of Nature! Go outside look for a scene you want to draw. Within the campus of the school." She adds for the benefit of Keigo who is bouncing around like he has ants in his pants. "Have an inspiring lesson!" Then she leaves, pulling a very reluctant Hitsugaya Sensei behind her.

"BAIL!" Keigo screams and everyone runs for the door. No one is going to be doing any painting today.

_Maybe Hitsugaya Sensei's class is already outside._ I wonder to myself, thinking of Grimmjow.

The weather isn't too bad today, actually; which explains why the teacher's let us outside. The sun is out but it's not overpoweringly hot, and there's a cooling breeze that whispers in and out of the grassy field, where most of the people from class are sat. I make my way with Tatsuki and Orihime, over towards where Keigo has already flattened the grass with his consistent running about. Chad wonders over and sits quietly next to us, plugging in his ipod so we can listen to some music. We sit and chat and laugh at Keigo and I nearly forget. Nearly.

I catch sight of something blue on the roof of the school. For a moment I thought it was a bit of very blue sky; but no, it's Grimm.

I wonder if he's been looking at me for a while because as soon as I notice him, he waves both hands over his head like he's calling in a helicopter to land. I snort and shake my head, standing up and telling my friends I'll see them later.

As I walk across the field and towards the school building I can't help but notice the sky darken slightly. I feel goose bumps rise on my forearms.

In the blink of an eye, I am on the roof.

What's up with today? It's like I'm distracted or something. I hardly remember the walk up the stairs to the roof at all. Little details are blurred and forgotten.

"Hey" Says Grimm. He's lying on the floor with a book in his hand, suddenly Mr Cool. "Pull up a bit of concrete." He pats the slab next to him and grins up at me

"Alright?" I ask, sitting down, carefully measuring the distance between us.

"Yeah, not too bad, ta. I found this book in my room last night." He holds it up for me to read.

"_Bedtime Stories_?" I ask, not sure if I'm supposed to laugh or not.

"Yeah it's got all the traditional fairy tales in it. My mum read it to me before I got boring."

"Oh." Is all I can say, even though there are a million words on the tip of my tongue.

_You're not boring...!_

"You know, little red riding hood could be such a bad ass." The odd moment before is gone and I laugh at his observation. "I mean a little girl walking around in a red cloak? Why the hell does she need a cloak? I expect she's hiding s gun or some illegal substances or something."

"Ohh, most definitely." I laugh. He frowns at my sarcasm

"No, seriously though, a better ending would be if she had a grenade hidden in her cloak and when the big bad wolf, who was cross-dressing as grandma, jumped out at her and then she blew his balls off."

"It would certainly be more interesting..."

We sit and ponder Little red riding hood, armed and dangerous, for a while.

Yes, the clouds are definitely getting darker.

I unconsciously lean into Grimmjow slightly and I suddenly smell burnt plastic. "Is that you?" I ask leaning in further and sniffing his shoulder. "What the _hell_ have you been doing? You stink!"

"Cooking chicken nuggets in a microwave." He says, staring avidly at his left shoe.

"Why the hell would you put chicken nuggets in a microwave?" I ask, exasperated that he would be so stupid.

"I was hungry." Is all he says, eyes still on his foot.

"Don't you have an oven? That's much safer."

"I was _really_ hungry, though..." He mutters, clearly embarrassed.

This boy is retarded.

"So what happened when you put the chicken nuggets in the microwave?"

"...it melted."

"The chicken-?"

"The microwave."

Mmmm... brûlé plastique eau de toilette

Have you ever laughed so hard that you feel like your bladder might betray you and you may actually fulfil the expression: _To wet oneself with laughter._

I have.

"Shut up!" He shouts over my cries of mirth but he is grinning sheepishly too.

It takes a full 15 minutes before I can make conversation again and even then I keep imagining a Grimmjow with singed eyebrows holding a plate of small crusty cremated chicken nuggets.

"You've seen pictures of a blackhole, right?"

"Yeah." I breath out, still recovering and not entirely sure where this is going.

"That's kinda like what the roof of my microwave looks like right now. It absolutely stank my flat out. There was black smoke everywhere. I'm surprised a fire engine didn't turn up..."

A further 10 minutes later and my ribs have all cracked and I have a ruptured diaphragm.

Grimmjow goes back to reading his book, chuckling occasionally and I'm lying on my back looking up at the sky, the occasional laugh bursting from my chest.

Then a drop of rain hits my cheek.

"Lets get out of here..." Says Grimmjow, standing up. We make our way to the door of the roof and Grimmjow begins to descend the stairs.

I am frozen in place.

Grimmjow's whole body bobs with each step he takes down the stair case.

"Nothing can happen." I whisper.

"Huh?" He stops and turns to look up at me, confused.

The fear, the anxiety, the paranoia; why the fuck is it coming out now? Cant I just keep my fat gob shut and just brush everything under the rug? Can't I just be like normal and go back to where everything was fine?

But since when has anything ever _really_ been fine?

And so I crack like an egg.

"Nothing can happen." I say louder. I'm still standing outside and the rain picks up, soaking into my shirt and hair.

The confused expression is gone, replaced with a little smirk. My stomach drops.

"Sure thing, Ichigo." He turns around and continues to descend.

I feel the panic rise in me.

"I mean it!" I all but shout. The rain is in my eyes.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart." He replies nonchalantly, not looking at me.

"Grimmjow!" I yell because I don't know what else to do. "Nothing is going to happen between us!"

He stops, turns and his face is wicked. He's staring at me with his penetrating blue eyes that cleave and slash at my resolve. I can't blink. His mouth is formed in a toothy grin.

"Say something!" I shout at him. He continues to leer at me. "Say something!" I scream. Sheer terror grips me, holding me still. "Why won't you say anything? Why won't you stop it?" The rain is falling fast, drenching me to the bone. "This is wrong." I whisper.

"Really." He speaks at last.

"Yes! It's disgusting-!" I'm shouting again.

He knows it, I know it.

There's something between us that shouldn't be there...

"Really, really..." Oh god, he's climbing the stairs.

"You're not making sense!" I scream over the rain.

"Really, really really..."

"Grimm-"

"Like you." He breaths on my face.

The world ends in that moment. My lungs, my heart, my brain; everything just stops.

"_What_?" I croak.

"I really, really..." He leans in closer. "Really, really, really..." He is staring at me with such ferocity; I'm going to burn up, like a match to gasoline. "_Like you_."

There is a sudden jolt and we will never know which of us moved in first or even if either of us moved at all.

All I register next are some hot lips on my own and hands on my shoulders pulling me in. I'm actually _burning_. It's painful and hot and the kiss scorches my insides, licking at my heart and lungs.

And I am kissing Grimmjow back.

Our tongues wrap around each other and this is no kiss like I have ever experienced before. It's rough and exquisite and nothing like I have ever dreamt of. Fuck It. Fuck It's pale creepy hand. This is what I want...

Suddenly there is a knee between my thighs. It presses against my crotch and I mew in shiver in Grimmjow's grasp. I bite his lip and pull him tighter against me and he moans. It's the most erotic sound I have ever heard.

I feel his clothed erection against my hip. It's _there_ and its _pounding_ and its turning me on immensely. I push against it, totally possessed. I am rewarded with the sweet sound of Grimmjow's cry of gluttony.

But then his knee is there again and his thigh pushes against my cock ruthlessly.

"Ohh gods, oh _Grimm_." I say in a choked whisper.

It is agonizing. We kiss and bite and lick each other and I can't contain my sobs as I literally come apart in his arms.

The part of me I tried to deny, the part of me I tried to tuck away... It rips clean out of me and I feel it pound through my blood like poison.

Suddenly my balls tighten and my cock pulses painfully in my boxers. Although my eyelids are flickering in pleasure I wish I was a million miles away. The sheer embarrassment of coming in my pants when really all we did was kiss and grind-

But my heartbeat comes to a screeching halt as I realize what I have done.

Grimmjow is looking at me eyes lidded with lust and he is still as hard as a steel rod against my thigh. I feel my cock stiffen again.

_No!_

My breath hitches and I feel the hysteria rise into my mouth like vomit. I think I might scream.

_No, no, no..._

I feel the drying come in my pants. It itches and feels disgusting.

_No..._

My fist moves like clockwork and I plunge it into his gut. I take a step back as he coughs and gasps and flops to the floor clutching his stomach. He gapes up at me. I notice the tears of hurt in his eyes.

"Ichigo-?"

I kick him in the face.

_Run._

Students off the field are running for cover from the rain. I'm at the school gates before anyone calls out to me.

"Ichigo?"

"Ichigo, mate, where you going? We got class!"

"Oi, Ichigo!"

"Ichigo, come back!"

I'm too numb to feel the rain on my skin as I run like my life depends on it.

**_Ahhh! The angst!_**


	7. Chapter 7

_**This ones kinda short! Please enjoy! :3**_

As soon as I get home and my father and sisters open the door I am bombarded with questions.

"I want to be alone." is all I remember saying.

I go straight up to my room and flop onto my bed, still drenched in rain and tears. My crotch itches from the dry semen so with half-hearted movements, I heave myself off of the bed again and take off all my clothes. I don't remember showering at all, but I am sure I did because my skin is red and rubbed raw.

I tug on some form of clothing and curl up in my sheets. My hand creeps into my pillow case to reach for my mother's hair scrunchy. It's from her hippy days and is made from vivid orange flowery stuff. It still smells like her. I put it on my wrist and hold it to my face, rubbing the soft fabric against my cheek.

For the first time in years I cry until I fall asleep.

_It's hands are everywhere. Touching my body in places I didn't even know could make me feel like this: pleasure which seems to literally bend my spine. _

_But this time, as It touches me, I am distracted._

"_Who are you?" I ask, voice trembling._

_It ignores me and starts to lick down my throat, across my chest._

"_Answer me..." I whisper, my resolve dying as It takes my nipple in Its mouth. It licks and sucks and flicks me with Its tongue and I never really thought of my nipples being particularly sensitive before now. Then, He bites me. He uses his tongue to lick the abused flesh. I cry out-_

_Wait._

_He?_

_He as in a... _man_?_

_I gasp with horror at this revelation and squirm in his iron grip. He pins me down effortlessly, caging me with his large pale hands. I feel utterly helpless and try to cry but my voice won't work. I close my eyes and just give into the tears. I make no effort to hide them or wipe them away, not that I could with him holding me down so viciously._

_Then he is gone._

_I am still pinned but there is someone else above me._

Grimmjow...

"Shh..."_ He coos. His hands feel cool and refreshing against my hot skin. He leans into me and I flinch. He pauses an inch from my lips, then moves again and kisses me with heart-wrenching gentleness on my sweaty forehead._

"Ichigo,"_ He murmurs against my brow. I pause. He sounds as if he is going to say something else, as if it is on the tip of his tongue. _

_BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!_

I reach for my alarm clock and throw it against the wall.

I have school today.

What the fuck am I going to do?

I remember how Grimmjow looked up at me from the floor after I punched him. I shudder at the sudden realization that I have probably _really_ hurt him. I mean the kind of hurt it takes a lifetime to overcome.

I curl up tighter under the blankets. I feel sick.

Why did I punch him? Why was my reaction to his kiss so violent? Because I'm a guy, maybe? I didn't know how else to react.

No, that's not it.

I was trying to deny how I felt.

But he wasn't exactly helping, either. He made me lose it and cave into him. I remember his stupid, cocky smirk. Once I realized that I had, in fact, totally surrendered everything in my heart to him, I panicked.

So I beat the shit out of him.

He was trying to make me say it. He already knew. We were both thinking it all along. He had no idea I would react so harshly.

"_Nothing is going to happen between us!"_

So what exactly was I trying to deny? That I love him? I don't think so. This isn't love; a crush maybe? Was I trying to deny that there is something that has pulled us together and that something hasn't stopped at us being friends, it wants to pull us closer than that...

I tug at my hair in frustration.

This is going nowhere. I'm just lying here trying to make sense of it and it's a waste of time because it's so bloody complicated that even if I lie here for years, I will never figure it out. I need to get up, I need to go to school and talk to Grimmjow.

_I want to see him._

I feel my stomach churn unhappily.

But I am terrified at what he might say. Will he even be in today? I did kick him in the face after all.

My eyes sting.

I wish I hadn't done that. I curl in closer to my mother's hair band.

I _really_ wish I hadn't done that.

I wake up again sometime later, feeling the worst I've felt in a long time.

_It's just a normal day_. I tell myself.

I shower, go downstairs, eat breakfast. It's about halfway through my tasteless bowl of cereal that I realize I am alone. I notice a note stuck to the fridge.

_My number one son-_

_Don't go to school today. You don't seem to be feeling very well. There's some chocolate mousse in the fridge._

_I love you very, very much._

_-Your number one Father._

Below is a childish picture of a smiley face and a bowl of mousse, which looks more like a poo.

Christ, _more_ tears?

I put a hot towel over my face for a few minutes and then I leave to go to school. But not before I take a spoonful of the chocolate dessert.

School plays, piano recitals, reading out an essay in front of the whole class, going to the doctors for a blood test, waiting outside the head teacher's office; combine all the fear and anxiety one feels when doing these things and you should get roughly one eighteenth of the sheer terror that begins to fester in my gut as I walk to school.

I arrive at school just as the bell goes. I sigh in frustration. This mean I'll have to walk in late and risk having all eyes and attention focused on me.

_Shit_.

What if I run into him?

But suddenly all the classroom doors open up along the corridor and people burst out of them, chattering animatedly.

"Ichigo," Tatsuki runs over and gives me a hug. I'm caught by surprise and there's an awkward moment as I stand there whilst Tatsuki grips me tightly. "Where have you been?"

"Huh?" I'm confused and suddenly very tired. Maybe I can't do this...

"It's lunch time, Ichigo." She says, scrutinizing me with her beady eyes. "Have you been -?"

"Ichigoooo!" Suddenly, Keigo and Inoue are at my elbows, squealing and jumping around. I'm not tired anymore: I'm annoyed. Can they not sit still even for a moment?

Ishida comes strolling along, looking all superior and smarmy, followed by Chad. I notice Chad stays a few paces further away from me than everyone else, who all decide they want to get a really close look at my face.

_Thank you Chad._

"Ichigo, so kind of you to grace us with your presence." Says Ishida, smirking at me. He doesn't know a thing about me. Why is he always such an infuriating prick?

"Ichigo," Inoue suddenly asks. "Where have you been?"

_Crying my heart out._

"Yeah, Itch, where you been?" Keigo demands.

_I think I'm gay._

"Skiving I expect." Mutters Ishida.

_I'm gay._

"No! Ichigo loves school, don't you, Ichigo?" Keigo cries.

_Please, someone, understand what I'm trying to say!_

"Do you have a cold?" asks Inoue reaching forwards to feel my temperature.

_Why won't you understand me?_

"Ichigo, maybe you should lay down." Mizuiro says, tenderly.

_You're supposed to be my friends..._

"To the nurse's office!" shouts Keigo, excitedly, as if we are about to embark on a most noble quest.

_Please..._

"Yeah, come on, Ichigo," Inoue takes my hand and tugs gently.

I actually _hear_ the crack of my restraint.

"Could you all actually get anymore _fucking_ stupid?" I don't shout it, I don't sound particularly angry, I just speak it. But still everyone suddenly turns to gape at me as if I have just started screaming.

I notice Chad's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Tatsuki looks like she's been slapped. The others, for once, are speechless. I feel a pang of satisfaction as Ishida goes red with surprise.

Then I am gone.

I find myself on the roof.

_Now my friends hate me too..._ I think self-pityingly, when I realize no one has chased after me.

I sit on the concrete floor facing the doorway.

I run over the scenario with me and Grimmjow thousands of times in my head.

I wonder if I go into a trance or something because the next thing I register is a big warm body taking residence next to me.

"You look exhausted." Chad says.

"I am," I agree.

We just sit there.

He doesn't console me; he doesn't ask what's wrong.

_I'm glad you're here. _I'm too tired to talk, but Chad hears me anyway.

"Anytime."

I think I drift off to sleep, I jolt awake at the sound of the bell ending the school day. We move off the roof and follow the crowds going home.

An arm hooks itself into mine and I glance down to see Tatsuki donning a very stony face, staring straight ahead. Keigo and Mizuiro move in behind me and are arguing about who stole whose Pingu rubber. Inoue appears on my other side holding hands with Ishida. Chad is still there on the edges of our group, like some unearthly protector, guarding us.

"Why do you guys put up with me?" I ask finally, my voice cracking.

"Don't be stupid." says Tatsuki, not looking up at me but squeezing my arm tightly.

"It's because we love you no matter what."

_**Tatsuki is fit. And a very good friend. :D**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thank you, **treee**, you're a wonderful beta! :D**_

_**Lots of mush and happiness here, my babies!**_

I guess I have accepted it now.

Kind of.

I mean, it's something that has been festering at the back of my mind for a long time. What scares me, though, is that I think these thoughts have been there even before puberty.

I remember swimming in the paddling pool with my sisters when I was about 7; I had one of my friends over. I can't even remember who he was exactly, he was just some kid.

I remember how the water looked beautiful as it hit his skin and clung to his eyelashes.

It was such a simplistic beauty that for a split second I was breathless and I could only stare at him. Then the excitement of being a kid with a water pistol caught up with me and I carried on like normal.

But... I'm _gay_.

What exactly does that mean?

I know I'm attracted to Grimmjow and there isn't much debate as to whether he is a man or not. But I like girls too, I'm sure I do. Yaruichi has a beautiful body and I've had to stop myself from looking at her on a few occasions. Even Tatsuki, who is oddly masculine yet very much a girl, catches the attention of my eyes in PE when she jumps for the ball and her shirt rides up slightly.

So... maybe in not gay? Just Bi or-

Oh, fuck it.

Who _cares_ what I am.

I like Grimm.

What else matters?

I'm plopped on the sofa at home, watching Yuzu play with Bostov on the floor and Karin play CoD on the TV.

I feel weirdly content. Like I've completed what I set out to achieve but I still have a million-and-one things to do.

Why did he kiss me?

Oh right, stupid question.

"_Really, really..." Oh god, he's climbing the stairs._

"_You're not making sense!" I scream over the rain._

"_Really, really, really..."_

"_Grimm-"_

"_Like you." he breaths on my face._

So, by punching him in the gut, kicking him in the face and running away without an explanation, I have successfully destroyed any chance of him ever wanting to be with me.

Pat on the back for Ichigo! Woo!

Bumfluff.

What do I do now?

Fair enough, life is hard, but this is slightly ridiculous.

Feeling utterly lost and a bit sick again, I go into the kitchen. Maybe some food will quell my unbelievable bad luck and nausea.

"Hey, dad," I greet my father who is at the table, surrounded by a shed load of paperwork. He has his reading glasses on and seems to be in a serious mood for once.

"Alright, Ichi?"

"Mmm."

I open the fridge and stare inside for a moment.

"Dad?" I say.

"Yes, son?" he replies, not looking up.

"What do you do... If there is someone who you know likes you and you maybe like them... but then you go AWAL and now they hate you?" My face is staring intently at a packet of out-of-date bacon.

"Well... I would apologise for going AWAL. Maybe buy her some flowers...?" He's trying, bless him. But he should know the truth.

"It's a guy, dad." I whisper. There is a very long silence in which my face gets rather cold because my head is still in the fridge.

"Ohh..." he breaths. Then he says, "You could buy _him_ some flowers?"

Thats all it takes for me to know my father understands me better than I thought.

I turn around and close the fridge door.

I stare at my dad. He has taken his glasses off and is looking at me intently. Then his lip quirks and we both burst out laughing.

"What a _manly_ present, dad."

"Well, _sorry_!" He says dramatically, a laugh dancing on his face. "Maybe... you could talk to your mother about it?"

I stop for a moment and then nod my head.

"I'll drive you there." He smiles up at me. He's got so much work to do and he still has time to drive his tragically misunderstood homosexual son to a graveyard.

_Thanks, Dad._

I've stood in this spot a million times before: when it's the anniversary of mum's death, or when I have simply been feeling alone and depressed. I even came here on a beautiful day last year when the weather was perfect, my grades were good and I didn't have a care in the world.

I simply missed my mum.

I look at the concrete block that is supposed to symbolise her entire existence and everything she stands for. I always get like this. She was such an amazing person... It feels like she needs more than just a polished stone with her name carved into it.

"Right, ok..." I'm trying to explain this to myself as well. "There's this guy, mum. He has the most absolutely disgusting sense of humour I have ever seen. He... he has created a black hole in his microwave using only chicken nuggets." I smile. "He's got _blue hair_, mum."

Then I can't stop.

"He makes me laugh." I hear birds in the sky above me. "He makes me laugh at things that should be taken very seriously." The breeze moves the trees and they rustle with life. "But... he makes it seem like it's ok to laugh..." Shit. I'm choking up. "He doesn't make laughing seem wrong. I don't feel guilty when he makes me smile. Guilty... that you aren't here smiling with me."

There I said it.

Before I can stop myself and call upon my iron restraint, everything is pouring out of my soul and onto the ground at my feet.

"I miss you. I need you. I don't know what to do. I like a guy, mum, but I don't know what to do, I don't know who to talk to. I messed up. I don't think he wants me anymore..." I hang my head.

"I don't think I have ever needed you more than I do right now." I whisper.

It's terrifying. Wanting her this much but knowing she is dead. Knowing that she can't do a thing.

Right now, I feel beyond pathetic.

But standing there, it calms me down. I smell lavender bath salt and the soothing scent of a mother. I feel two arms that no one else can see, wrap themselves around my torso.

I breathe her in and hold her inside me for a moment.

Then I exhale and she is gone.

No, not gone.

She is still here because now there is a hand on my face. It smooth's my skin and wipes away my tears. Then there is a whisper in my ear.

"Don't keep him waiting, sweetheart."

I'm standing outside of Grimmjow's flat.

Woah, that was fast.

I think I flew here, because I swear I was just standing right next to my mother's grave.

It takes every ounce of strength I posses in my body to lift my fist and knock on his door.

There is no answer.

After all this bloody trauma I've been through, I finally know what I want and... Grimmjow isn't home?

Fucking _brilliant_!

I knock harder.

I know he's in; he has to be.

I bang both of my fists against the door.

"Open this door, Jaegerjaquez, or I'll fucking knock it down!" I scream. I don't care if strangers hear me and think I'm some kind of not-very-subtle burglar.

"Open up, asshole-!"

The door opens.

Suddenly all my steam is gone.

_I didn't realize I'd miss him this much_. I think bitterly. I am suddenly overcome with a strange urge to hug him.

"Why are you here?" He croaks, scowling at me. He looks terrible. His blue hair is messy, un-brushed, and he smells like sweat. Hasn't he showered? But then I notice his right eye.

It's swollen and bruised and he can't even open it properly so he observes me through a squint. He has a split lip as well and by the looks of it he hasn't even washed the blood away so it's dried to his skin.

I did that, when I kicked him.

I really, really, _really_ wished I hadn't done that.

The whole speech about my tragic existence goes totally out the window.

"I-I'm sorry." I gasp out. Breathing is difficult.

"Me too," he says quickly, "I didn't know I disgusted you so much. I'll leave you alone now." he sounds venomous but his eyes won't meet mine and he goes to close the door.

I have never moved so fast in my life.

"No don't!" I wedge my foot between the door and the frame and push it open. He staggers backwards slightly, looking thoroughly surprised.

He regains composure quickly though.

"Don't... you dare..." he whispers murderously, suddenly looking furious. "You punch me in the stomach... kick me in the face and then just _storm off_..."

"I know." I squeak.

"Yeah, ok _I_ kissed _you_, but Ichigo... you can't do that to me! You can't be that cruel!"

"I know!" I cry, but he isn't listening.

"I fucking tried _so hard_, Ichigo! I just- I put everything I had into being with you! I don't know why I did it! But I worked up the backbone to move first! All my effort, all my hopes... And you just punched me and ran off!"

He suddenly reaches forwards and grabs my shoulders, shaking me angrily.

"Do you know how I felt?" He asks, his face inches from mine. His eyes are wide and he looks slightly hysterical. "Do you think you are capable of comprehending the kind of doubt and worry and just plain _hurt_ that I have felt? Because it hurt, Ichigo. It hurt, a _lot_..."

Then, to my absolute horror, a sob bursts from his chest. He releases me and I stand frozen in front of him. He covers his mouth with hand, as if trying to hold it all in.

My heart breaks for him.

"I'm sorry." It's all I can say. I feel utterly helpless. "I'm so sorry." I say again, slightly louder because I want him to hear me properly and understand that I have never regretted anything as much as this.

"I know I've fucked things up," there are tears in my eyes, but enough of being a pussy and crying when things get a little tough. I have things I have to say. "I'll try my best to fix things. I'll make it right again, even if we have to be friends to begin with."

He opens his mouth, but I hold up my hand to silence him.

"I mean it." I say clearly, blinking rapidly to hold back my tears. "I'll make you like me again. And I will earn back the right to like you. Because I do, Grimm. I like you. I like you more than I thought I was ever capable of liking anyone."

The tears are gone now. I have never felt so resolved before.

_I will do this,_ I think firmly, _I will._

"Don't..." whispers Grimmjow. He raises his hand suddenly and I flinch because I think he is going to hit me. But his hand comes to rest on my cheek. "Don't be my friend. We can't go back. Not now, not ever. It's too late."

He... doesn't want me anymore?

There are no tears, simply a coldness. It paralyses me. I can't see, I can't think, I can't even breathe. It feels as if my heart has stopped working. I can't register anything, the birds, the trees and the whole world around me is silent. I can't live like this.

Then, there is nothing but Grimmjow's next words.

"I like you too much. We can never be friends."

The sheer relief I feel buckles my knees, but our mouths still find each other. We are in synch again.

The kiss is nothing at first; simply a gentle touch of the lips.

_No..._ I think. _I don't want him to be cautious with me_. I remember our kiss on the roof.

_I want it..._

I grip his face, pulling his lips closer to mine with bruising force until I hear the noise our teeth make as they bump together.

He suddenly bursts into life, his hands reaching up to weave into my hair, his tongue in my mouth, caressing my own. I gasp as the dreaded left knee creeps between my thighs, pinning me against the door frame completely.

In my dream the shadow always restrains me in the same way. But now, with Grimmjow's warm weight pressing against me, I don't feel trapped. It feels as if he is holding me together. One day he might let go and I will simply fall apart into tiny pieces and be carried away by the wind.

_No... I don't want that..._

I move my arms and wrap them around his waist, my hands clenching the fabric of his shirt for dear life as he kisses my brains out.

I groan as Grimmjow's taste assaults my senses. I taste the blood from his split lip and Ramen. I hate Ramen. But when it's in his mouth it tastes absolutely delicious.

_I fancy some Ramen..._ I think disconnectedly.

His tongue dives into my mouth again and he nips and at my bottom lip, sucking it better right away.

My chest hurts from lack of oxygen, but air doesn't seem important anymore, and instead of pulling apart to breathe, I deepen the searing kiss.

But then he pauses; it's as if he realizes that this is for real, that I am actually here and I really do want him.

The kiss changes and he slows down; we simply savour the taste of each other. I claw at his back to bring us closer together and one of my hands sneak up across his chest, past his collar bone, and into his hair, tugging gently.

"Hmm," he hums. I'm enjoying this.

But then his mouth pulls away from mine and I groan at the end of the most delicious kiss of my life. I lick my lips.

I then feel his mouth on my cheek, on my nose and then my eyelids and finally my forehead.

It's like my dream again, where he takes the place of the shadow, kissing my sweaty brow and he goes to say something...

"Ichigo." His voice is hoarse.

"Yes?" Mine isn't much better.

Without warning, he elbows me in the mouth.

I stagger sideways, clutching my obliterated jaw bone.

"There." He says, smugly. I wince at the pain in my face. "Now we are totally even."

But his expression softens and he grabs me by the arm and pulls me into his flat.

"Let's get you some ice."

Tears of gratitude well up in my eyes. Not for the ice; this pain is nothing, but for his forgiveness.

"Look, stop bloody smiling, you!" I find myself yelling, not 15 minutes later. Grimmjow grins back at me. "Do you want it to keep opening and bleeding all over the shop?" I ask, exasperated.

We are both seated on Grimmjow's bed, Grimm reclined against the wall and I'm kneeling between his legs. I find myself oddly at ease with this closeness.

But as if to provoke me further, Grimmjow shoots me a toothy smirk. As he does so his lip splits again and a dribble of blood rolls down his chin.

"Oh, for fuck's sake! I just cleaned you up! You're like a freaking 3 year old! Hold still," I grab his face and dab at his split lip with some already bloody cotton wool.

"Hey, Ichigo," he picks up the ice again and holds it to my jaw. It'll bruise I think, then it will hurt for a while, but it'll heal eventually.

"Shut up." I say, angrily. "Your great fat mouth will never heal if you keep talking."

"Hmm," He goes silent for about 20 seconds then-

"But, Ichigo."

"_Yes?"_

"Now we know you're gay- _Ow_!" I jab him in the lip with the cotton wool. "I'm guessing you are new to this?"

"How'd you figure?" I ask sarcastically.

"I'm just smart like that." He smiles, splitting his lip _again_ and puffing out his chest with mock superiority.

"I'd like to recommend myself as an expert gay to guide you on this new adventure." I move away from his lip, which is a hopeless case, to his eye and start to rub cream on the purple swollen skin. "I have excellent qualifications, and I can make cake mix."

"Only cake mix?" I ask, pausing in amusement.

"Well, I'm scared of ovens; they don't like me, so I never actually cook the cake mix. But it's nice on toast or in a sandwich or something."

I snort with laughter. It feels so good to laugh with Grimm again, that I wobble slightly, but he has a hand on my hip, holding my up; holding me together.

"Are you trying to woo me with your superior skills at making cake mix, Grimm?" I ask sarcastically, laughing at his disgruntled face. Ohh, I love teasing him.

His face falters for a moment and he looks up at me with big blue eyes that melt my insides.

"Yes." He answers simply.

Ever so slowly, I lean towards him and rest my head against his shoulder; my body slumping into his arms.

I'm so happy I can't even hold myself up.

_**I'm sorry Ichigo is a bit of a pussy. But lets face it, if you went through the shit he has, then you'd probabaly be just like him right now. Or, at least, I would. HOHOHO! ;)**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**I LOVE YOU **TREEE**!**_

Going to school the next day is really, really, really difficult.

All I want to do is be with Grimm. That's it; that's all. I just want to sit with him and talk and eat his cake mix. That is all it would take to make me the happiest human that ever lived.

But, alas.

The rest of the world rears its ugly head and messes everything up.

I don't want to pull Keigo off Mizuiro as he screams about some misplaced tub of raspberry sorbet. I don't want to listen to Tatsuki and Orihime babble on and on about karate and make-up and freaking _homework_. I don't want to acknowledge Ishida and his stupid remarks; I don't even want to sit quietly with Chad.

It's just not enough anymore.

I've tasted something bigger and better.

I try, with great difficulty, to keep my forehead furrowed and my voice low and sarcastic as I make conversation with my friends on the way to school.

Then suddenly I stagger backwards as something jerks on my bag strap.

I spin around ready to throw a punch or start swearing but Grimmjow is standing there with some pretty impressive bed hair and a sleepy smirk.

"Mornin'" He says to me, casually, but his blue eyes are sincere and say so many other things.

"H-hey." I turn to my friends who have all stopped walking and are looking at us curiously. "Grimmjow's just lending me CoD. You know the new one with all the zombies? I'll catch up with you in school."

"B-b-but, _I_ have that game! You can borrow it off of _me_!" says Keigo looking stricken.

"Yeah but you somehow managed to get toothpaste all over it." I cover smoothly.

"_Retard_." mutters Tatsuki.

"Catch you later, Ichigo." says Mizuiro, hooking his arm under Keigo's and dragging him away. The others follow, continuing like normal.

I breathe a sigh of relief.

Suddenly there's a hand on my arm and I am being pulled off the pavement, across the road and into the park.

"O-oi! What's up?" I ask Grimmjow, slightly confused. He looks lovely today.

He glances around us for a moment then suddenly I am being crushed against his chest in a hug.

The air _whooshes_ out of my lungs and his smell melts my brain, making my knees wobble.

"Nothin'," he says, voice muffled against my hair. "Just wanted to see you."

Then his breath is on my ear, then my cheek and finally his lips graze mine.

"Hahaha! Then that Chinese man jumps out of the boot and beats the shit out them!"

"Isn't he the same bloke in Role Models?"

We fly apart faster than a gun shot.

We're in the park surrounded by trees and shrubs and are standing right next to the fence. On the other side two girls from school walk past chatting and laughing about nothing in particular. My back hits a tree and I grip it for support. My knees feel like water and my heart is in my throat.

"Hey, it's fine! They can't see us because of the trees." Grimmjow whispers opposite me, a few feet away.

"_Shut up!"_ I hiss.

He doesn't speak or move until the sounds of their conversation and footfalls are long gone.

"Ichigo." he whispers quietly.

I don't speak; my nails dig into the bark of the tree.

"Ichigo." he says again slightly louder. My eyes flicker to his face, my pulse is still beating like a drum in my ears.

"_Relax_. No one saw us."

I only stare at him, wide eyed.

Does he not understand we were nearly _seen_?

He looks like he struggles with himself for a moment, then he strides forwards. I think he is going to hug me again, but there might be more people about, so I tense myself getting ready to spring away from him.

He pauses and then holds my shoulders tightly.

What he says next stays with me till the day I die and beyond.

"Don't worry." His blue eyes put the sky to shame. "We'll grow, and become stronger together, and then we'll tell _everyone_." He strokes my cheek and grins at me. "So stop worrying."

And I believe him so much that I don't doubt him again.

"So, then," Grimm says, a few moments later after another kiss.

"So?" I ask. We continue on our walk to school, cutting through the park and across the stream.

"You're my boyfriend-"

"_Lover_."

"Huh?"

"Sounds more exotic."

"Oh yeah." he says, grinning. "Like strawberries."

"What?"

"Strawberries are exotic."

"No they're not, moron."

"Are too!" then he actually _goes there and says it. _

"You're _my_ strawberry."

Going absolutely 'ape shit' is probably putting my reaction to this statement quite mildly.

We are both very late for school and get detention.

I hate Thursdays.

My sudden change of feelings for this particular day of the week is because I don't get to see Grimmjow at all. Well I do see him in tutorial which, as it is Thursday, lasts an hour. Usually during these lessons we discuss anything from Cocaine to how to write a cheque.

Yep, the fun times just keep on rolling.

But since me and Grimmjow were late, we missed this delight and so are told to go straight to our next classes.

Grimmjow heads off to Design & Technology and I go with Tatsuki to the IT suite.

No one takes IT very seriously and Hanatarou Sensei who teaches us, has recently recovered from a nervous breakdown so he just sits in his chair fanning himself as various pupils bring him strong cups of tea.

Even Tatsuki chills out for a little while and we fly across the floor on our spinning chairs hitting each other like bumper cars. About halfway through our third lap of our grand prix race I feel my pocket vibrate. I get my phone out and scowl down at the small screen.

'Yo yo mo fo! I iz bored in DT. Itz a pile of jizz man. ILYL!'

This is either Grimmjow's attempt at being a gangster or I have something to worry about; his spelling is disgusting.

I ignore it and snap my phone shut.

At break we have detention but they have us in different classrooms flicking gun off the tables again. I imagine Grimmjow being extra careful after last time where he was particularly violent with one piece of fossilised gum and it ventured up his nostril. I bite the collar of my shirt to stop Zaraki Sensei from hearing me laugh.

Next is double Geography and Grimmjow isn't in that class either.

For geography we have Tousen Sensei. He is probably the weirdest bloke alive.

When we were first introduced people thought it would be easy to just stroll out of the classroom unnoticed by him since he is as blind as a bat.

We were naive.

It seems Tousen Sensei has a weird psychological inner eye because he can even tell if you are looking at the front of the class or not and is very agile with pieces of chalk.

Despite this I feel my hand itch towards my phone in my pocket. I want to read the text again.

Then I freeze.

_What?_

I'm acting like a _girl_! Next thing my dick will shrivel up and I'll grow a vagina! Definitely not cool.

But seriously, I should stop being so pathetic. I'll see him at lunch. Maybe we can do something after school?

It's kind of weird to think that there is always going to be someone, I mean until we breakup or something pulls us apart or whatever. I mean friends are always there for each other but having someone, like a boyfriend or girlfriend, it's a different kind of closeness.

I like it.

I have someone I look forward to seeing at the end of every day.

But Grimmjow's in school with me, I hope the guys don't get funny about it. Because I love them, I honestly do but I actually can't fucking wait to see Grimm.

I look at the clock and realise I haven't seen him in nearly 3 hours. There's a little monster in my chest clawing at my insides and my hand begins to creep towards my phone again.

One little text is alright, isn't it?

I mean we're both guys so even if we were both out to the public as a couple we'd have to be considerate because I'm pretty sure not everyone wants to watch a couple of gay guys eat each other's faces in a blaze of passion.

I remember this morning and how quickly the upsurge of panic over took me. I think we need to be very careful.

It's just... I know I like Grimmjow. I am 100% sure about that. But that's it, that's all I know. I don't know if I'm ready for people to know yet, I don't even know what to do with my hands when we walk together. I need time to figure things out, then when we are comfortable...

Well, we'll see.

"_Don't worry." He smiles down at me and his eyes put the sky to shame. "We'll grow and become stronger together and then we'll tell everyone." He strokes my cheek. "_Don't worry_."_

I release a breath of laughter as it seems I have just reached the same conclusion as Grimmjow did earlier. At least we are on the same page.

But still.

I reach into my pocket for my phone. I keep it hidden under the desk, then after a moment of thinking I come up with 'What are you doing after school? x'

Hmm...

I decide I don't like the 'kiss' at the end so I go to delete it but Tousen Sensei shoves a piece of well aimed chalk at my cranium and I accidentally hit the 'send' button.

I don't know which embarrasses me more – another detention or Grimmjow getting my overly mushy text.

Argg! And I don't get to see him at lunch either!

Lunch time strolls around and I stay behind but Tousen Sensei walks me to another class room.

Renji is lounging across a chair at the front of the class and to my surprise Grimmjow is sat on his own on the front row filing some papers.

"Yama-jii went absolutely skitz on our little blue haired friend here." said Renji speaking to Tousen Sensei and gesturing to Grimmjow who scowls at him. "Probably thought he could get away with waving his phone about in class..."

Oh. So Grimmjow did get my text then. I feel myself go red.

"Sit down, Ichigo. Help Grimmjow file those papers. Alphabetical first then in chronological order under each letter. You can go once you're done."

This paper work shit is going to take ages.

I swing a chair around and sit down opposite Grimm with my back to Renji who gets up and starts to scribble on the board.

Grimmjow smirks up at me and I can still tell I'm bright red and he knows exactly why.

"I got your text." he breaths, quietly.

"I bet you did, asshole." I reply through my teeth.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, going through each sheet and filing it under each letter in a large folder.

Then I look across at Grimmjow. He's totally absorbed in the work and is taking this a little too seriously. I swallow my chuckle. How _cute_...

But he still hasn't noticed me looking at him and I _want_ him to notice. I stop moving completely and just stare. Moments pass and Grimmjow doesn't look up.

"Ichigo!" something hard hits the back of my head. I swear I'm going to get brain damage or something. "Stop making Grimmjow do all the work!" Renji holds a rolled up newspaper in his fist and raises it threateningly.

"Ok, ok. Sorry." I mutter.

Grimmjow glances up then straight back down again, continuing to work.

I was just trying to get his attention.

I feel a little suffocated. I just want him to look at me and smile or something.

If I were a girl I expect I could easily brush his hand and get him to look at me.

Then I realise.

I'm not a girl but if I let that hold me back then I really will be suffocated. We are different from everyone else and we need to be careful, but if we are _too_ careful... then we won't have any fun at all. Neither of us will be able to enjoy our time together. We'll both simply live in fear.

I realise that actually I don't have as much confidence as I thought.

So?

What am I going to do about it?

The Ichigo that existed a few weeks ago would have probably not done anything. But then the Ichigo of a few weeks ago wouldn't have cared much.

I'm different now. I care a_ lot_.

I reach forwards and brush the inside of his wrist with my fingers.

Grimmjow finally looks at me and grins. His hands keep moving, filing paper after paper, and I copy him. But under the table he stretches his legs out and rests them against mine. We sit there in absolute silence.

Everything falls into place and I realise that sneaking about is actually rather exciting.

_**Dirty Boy, Ichigo! :O**_


	10. Chapter 10

We are sat in front of the TV.

I have a boner and I feel thoroughly embarrassed.

We finished a rather heavy snog sesh a few minutes ago and I can't quite fathom why I still haven't calmed down.

I stare at the obese news reporter and try to picture him naked and sweaty.

My boner isn't so bony anymore.

Job done.

We're both slouched on the sofa, Grimmjow lounging at one end and I'm stretched out on the rest of it, my feet tucked under his backside. I wiggly my toes and he groans and tries to push my feet away. I chuckle at his childishness, and my own, then his glare melts. His hand that was about to slap my calf rests against it and I feel his thumb rubs circles on my skin.

We sit there in silence and simply watch the news.

I actually can't describe this feeling.

Then the weather comes on.

"Nice day tomorrow," Grimmjow comments. "Wanna go to the beach?"

We've been going out for about 12 days; not that I'm counting. We've been together every weekend, all weekend. Just bumming around, watching scary films, eating nachos and drinking cream soda.

It might sound like we've been having a whale of a time but I am just so happy right now I don't care if you think that doing absolutely nothing together is boring. I love every minute.

"We have school tomorrow, noob." I reply.

"So?" He looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

The next day I end up heaving myself from bed at approximately 6:30 in the morning and we both catch an early train to the seaside. When we arrive at about 9 o'clock it appears that the weather man was bullshitting.

It's drizzling; the clouds are low and grey and they remind me of cobwebs. The cliffs on either side of the beach curl inwards like the claws of some great tiger that lies beneath the surface of the earth. The sea is a murky green and the foam is thick and frothy. As the drizzle turns into rain I feel my feet slowly sink into the dirty sand.

"I think the weather dude was on cocaine." I hear Grimmjow mutter.

We trot across the sand and pebbles and put our bags right up against the cliff to protect them from the rain. I flop down onto my bag and snuggle into my jumper. Grimmjow sits down softly next to me.

"Sorry." He grumbles, pulling his hood over his head and resting himself against my shoulder.

"I'm not bothered." I tell him. "Anywhere is fine."

I really would go anywhere as long as he comes with me.

We watch a group of teenagers in wetsuits skip across the sand with surfboards. They fanny about a bit but the waves are pretty pathetic. They leave after an hour or so. I glance around, suddenly realizing; we are totally alone.

I jump up and peel off my clothes right down to my boxers. Grimmjow, who had fallen asleep, jerks awake and freezes as he notices I am without the majority of my clothes.

"I'll beat you." I laugh, then turn and run for the water. HAHAHA! I do a little dance of joy in my head because the three year old in me is so proud that I'm going to beat Grimmjow to the sea.

Then something hits me in the side and I go crashing to the sand.

"See you, Strawberry!" Grimm cries as he goes flying past, cackling in mirth.

Fucking _Strawberry?_

I scramble to my feet and scoop up some mushy sand. I throw it with all my might and it slaps him in the back of the head. The force of it sends him off balance; his feet trip on a rock and go flying over his head. He lands with a wet slap on the sand, an inch from the water.

My laughter takes me to my knees and I half-walk, half-crawl to where Grimmjow is lying spread eagle on the ground.

He wasn't too impressed and sulked for a bit but when we found a dead jellyfish he perked right up again. He poked it and prodded it and only left it alone when I threatened to hit him.

Then it begins to rain.

And I mean this is a proper downpour, nothing like earlier; thunder crackles and dances out at sea. Grimmjow suddenly grabs my wrist and drags me into the water. We wrestle and swim and even eat some sand by accident, but then something slimy and scaly brushed my leg and I run straight for the shore, screaming. Grimm jogs after me, laughing and holding up some seaweed. I snatch it off him and slap him with it.

As we get back to the cliffs I begin to shiver. It's a cold day, after all, and the water is freezing. I'm only wearing my boxers and the water has made them stick to my skin; I might as well be naked. I don't look at Grimmjow because I know he is no better off and I don't really need an unwanted boner right now.

I wrap a towel around my waist and tug off my boxers. I climb into my hoodie and turn to look at Grimmjow. He's looking up at the cliffs that tower over us with his mouth slightly open and is absent-mindedly drying his hair with a towel. He's only wearing a shirt and some dry surf shorts have been hastily thrown on. As his arms stretch up to dry his electric blue hair the surf shorts slip dangerously over his hips.

It feels like I might gag or sneeze or burst into tears when I see his blue pubic hair poke out from the top of his shorts.

I snap my head away and focus on brushing the sand off my legs.

But apparently I'm not quick enough.

"Ichigo."

I slowly turn to face him. I already know I'm bright red. He sits down on his bag and pats his lap.

"Come here."

The atmosphere is suddenly thick and stifling and he is smiling at me toothily as if nothing is out of the ordinary.

"I'm not wearing any pants." I say quietly, very aware of how naked I am underneath my hoodie and towel. Am I reading into this too much? Maybe he just wants to hug or something.

His shoulders relax and he leans against the cliff face.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." He says, softly. "Get some clothes on and we'll grab an ice cream, if you want?"

I pause because there's suddenly loads of things swirling around in my head.

Of course I've thought about touching Grimmjow and stuff but there's a difference from imagining it and actually doing it.

Even a simple wank seems frightening now. What will it be like, being so intimate with someone? Especially when that someone has blue hair and makes my heart hammer like a drum.

I swallow the spit that has gathered in my throat and walk over to Grimmjow and sit sideways on his lap. I rest my head against his neck and don't move an inch for fear I might grind against something.

Of course there was everything that happened during our confrontation, before I ran off, but that was an act of adrenalin. I had been so distracted and confused and frustrated; I hadn't jerked off in ages, so before I even knew what was happening I was coming in my pants.

Slowly his arms embrace me and I feel a breath of laughter on my shoulder.

"What?" I ask, sitting bolt upright and staring him in the face. What the fuck is so _funny_? Is he laughing at me?

"Nothing. Your just too wonderful, is all." He mutters, not looking at me.

"Oh." I say quietly, not sure how to react at being called 'wonderful'. So I proceeding to rest my head against his shoulder again and we just sit like that.

He doesn't touch me, at least not like _that_.

Instead a hand weaves into my hair, pulling me close; another sits on my hip.

It is then I realise I'd like him to touch me. I'd like him to grab my dick and make me come. I'd like him to finger me and take me balls deep right there against the cliff.

I sigh with a mixture of amusement and frustration.

Maybe later...

I doze off as his thumb stokes the softness under my ear and his heart thumps under my cheek.

When I wake up sometime later we get our clothes on and the sun comes out.

Don't get me wrong, it's still freezing, but at least it's a little brighter.

We set out to build a big ass sandcastle but just end up burying a bit of drift wood and digging a huge hole.

"What was the point of this?" I ask in exasperation, as I wipe sweat off my forehead and we stand, belly button deep, in the biggest hole ever made by man.

It appears though, that not even Grimmjow can fathom a reason, so we bugger off to some shitty cafe and buy some lunch.

I break off bits of bread from my baguette and throw it to some birds. Grimmjow just throws the whole thing at a seagull and kills it.

We explore some caves at the opposite end of the beach and shout words like 'foreskin' and 'erectile dysfunction' just to listen to the echoes.

I tug off my jumper and set up my iPod and speakers on top of it so it doesn't get sand all over it. We dance around like retards and try to moonwalk and robot across the sand. We do handstands and cartwheels and Grimmjow does a spectacular back flip and then lands on his ass.

Then when we explore the rock pools, Grimmjow finds a crab. Perhaps it's best I explain this first.

I am absolutely terrified of Crabs.

Scratch that.

_Petrified. _

Grimm runs over to me waving the crab over his head as if it's a flag. It's huge and I am ashamed to say I screamed. Grimmjow thought this was absolutely pants-pissingly hilarious and chased me, trying to get me to touch his motherfucking crab.

The whole day I have done nothing but laugh.

"You like Dinosaurs?" Grimmjow asks me sometime later.

We are sat in the middle of the beach; the tide has gone right out. Grimmjow is lying on his front drawing in the sand and I am sat next to him with a book in my hands. The sun is setting and we only have about an hour left before we have to get back on the train and go home.

"I've always loved them." I say, absentmindedly over my book about prehistoric animals. "When I was a little kid, my mum gave this huge encyclopedia book on them and I'd make her read it to me before I went to bed instead of a normal kiddies bed-time book." I chuckle to myself, remembering how I used to wait in bed for her to come and tuck me in. For me, it was the most exciting part of the day.

"Ohh? That's pretty cool. Which is your favourite?" He asks, rolling onto his side to look at me. I set my book down and draw my knees up to my chin.

"Styracosaurus."

I can tell from his frown he doesn't know what the fuck I'm on about. I laugh at his expression.

Then he sits up quickly.

"Hey, if you like them so much why don't you be one of those dinosaur fossil people?"

"Nice technical language there, Grimm. Sure you didn't mean a Palaeontologist?" I ask with a snort.

"Blah, blah." he says waving his hand impatiently. "But yeah, seriously you should look into it."

"But I'm gonna be a doctor. My dad's already pulled a few strings at a university in Tokyo." I say, slightly confused. I like dinosaurs, but I only ever thought of it as a hobby or an interest before now.

"Riiiight. Well if that's what you want. But if you're going to be doing something for the rest of your life, it might as well be about something you're passionate about."

That... makes sense.

"So what do you want to do after school, then?" I ask.

"Be a social worker. Or at least something like that." He grins at my dropped jaw. "I know I must look pretty dumb in history since that's my worst subject, but maths, the sciences and psychology really interest me. And if I can do all that and maybe help people... Well, it seems perfect."

"That's amazing." I say. And I really am amazed.

"Yeah I know I am." he laughs at me and I try to scowl at him, but my face won't do what I want it to.

In a matter of weeks I am a totally different person with a totally different purpose. I would never _ever_ run around and act like a complete and utter retard, as demonstrated today.

I don't scrutinize my behaviour or hold anything back when I am with Grimmjow. It's all just so natural, I feel like I can do anything.

I feel so light; so happy.

I expect if someone sneezed I'd just float away on the breeze.

A little while later we grab our stuff and walk towards to train station. As we board the train and find a seat I glance out the window.

The sun is setting and the world is basked in a blanket of gold.

Today has quite possibly been one of the best day of my life.

**_Much love for all you wonderful reviewers! Especially _**_ll Tisiphone ll, __sethadmirer, sekioxxx_**_and _**_treee_**_! :D _**


	11. Chapter 11

_Many thanks to my beta, __**treee**__! ;)_

It was so blissful.

For one day, we were just two people who were enjoying each other's company and pissing around on a beach. I was so happy I actually forgot about school, my friends, everything.

The next day brought me hurtling back into reality.

Keigo said something that Tatsuki deemed retarded and so everything was very loud and animated and busy. Inoue and Ishida were walking and talking with Chad, and Mizuiro was floating around calling out to pretty girls as we walked to school. Things seemed normal.

But, then, as Tatsuki chased Keigo, he tripped and staggered into me.

Instead of laughing it off like usual, he stood up straight and looked horrified.

"S-sorry, Ichigo."

Then he was walking at the front of the group by himself.

Something was very off about him.

Then I began to notice other things.

As I was looking at Keigo in concern I caught Inoue and Ishida looking at me with peculiar expressions. When I turned to them, they suddenly looked away and became very secretive. Chad was just Chad; he doesn't really care, so I walked next to him, suddenly feeling very uneasy.

Then I realised Tatsuki hadn't said two words to me.

She didn't talk to me for the rest of the day either.

_Shit_.

I guess when Grimmjow and I disappeared yesterday we were kind of obvious.

But still... Aren't they are supposed to be my friends? Friends don't abandon other friends, do they? Or am I missing something?

I feel a swell of outrage and I don't talk to anyone except Grimmjow all day.

It might be unhealthy to rely on only one person, but I honestly don't need anyone else.

I go over to his flat after school.

The film we watch is really gory and quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.

I turn my head to face away from the TV and I catch the sight of Grimmjow's face. He always finds films like this really funny and his blue, shiny eyes reflect the TV screen. He's perched against the arm rest, facing me, one leg under his chin, the other hanging on the floor. I don't know why but my eyes trace his lips and follow the skin of his neck until it disappears under the collar of his shirt. But my eyes don't stop there.

They move down his body until they reach his crotch.

He's wearing some slim fitting jeans that hug his thighs perfectly and I can tell from the shape that his legs are long and powerful. The denim creases slightly around his pubic area and for some godforsaken reason I start to drool like a dog in heat.

I try to swallow and as he moves slightly, he spreads his legs and slouches even more, exposing his belly button. I have a weird urge to reach over and lick it and see what the skin there tastes like.

There's a roar from the TV and I jolt in surprise.

Just how long was I staring?

I'm hard.

And I mean _metal rod_ type hard.

Shit.

I cross my legs and put my hands in my lap, willing my boner to de-bonify.

But...

I inch my hand across the space between us. I reach for Grimmjow's hand and hold it tightly.

"Oh, you getting scared, Ichigo?" he smiles and taunts me but I'm too terrified to think about facial movements at the moment so I just keep my expression blank.

"Ichigo?" he's looking at me with concern. "You ok?"

I decide its best if I just do it now before my courage runs away screaming to Timbuktu, so I pull his hand over and place it on my clothed erection.

About three seconds pass, and in those three seconds is crammed enough suspense and anticipation to last a lifetime.

Then Grimmjow goes very pink and jumps away.

"Isn't it too soon?"He blurts out.

I feel my jaw hit the floor and the flood gates of panic open.

"Too, soon." I screech. "Too soon?" I feel my life end. "Ohh god, it _is_, isn't it? I swear I'm not some sort of sex obsessed weirdo, Grimm! I just thought-!"

I'm rambling.

I'm rambling because I have just made a complete tit of myself and now I want to die.

"Calm down, calm down!" There are hands on my shoulders pulling me away from the window I try to throw myself from.

"I'm not a sex offender, I'm not!" I wail, still louder.

But my voice is suddenly muffled as Grimmjow pulls me onto his lap and into a hug.

"Well I guess if you feel ready." He mutters. "What do you want me to do, Ichigo?"

_Woah. How the hell am I supposed to know? You want me to say it, asshole?_

But the atmosphere is suddenly pressing in on me and I think Grimmjow might be serious. My crotch tightens as the smell of his shampoo hits my nostrils. I squirm uncomfortably.

"I dunno..." I say quietly, going bright red.

_There's so much I want you to do to me, I don't know where to start..._

"Ohh, you're not ready at all!" Grimmjow slides me off his lap and just exits the room. I sit on the sofa in a mild state of shock. Then I feel myself get a bit pissed. How does Grimmjow know, huh? Since when can he read minds?

"I am too, ready!" I call to him. He's in the kitchen making sandwiches or something. There's no answer, but I know he can hear me.

"You're just trying to make me say it!" I shout accusingly.

Suddenly his head pops around the door frame.

"Say what?" He smiles at me wickedly and his head vanishes again.

I sit there for about 5 minutes trying to muster up the courage to say it.

"Make me come!" I say loudly.

There is a huge crash from the kitchen and Grimmjow comes hurtling into the room with a slice of half buttered bread in one hand and a jar of marmite in the other.

"Oh, I dont like marmite." I tell him, reveling in his sudden panic.

"What? Say it again!" His eyes are wide and he looks absolutely delirious.

"I don't like marmite." Oh man, I'm evil.

"No! Not that! The bit before!" He throws the bread and marmite jar back into the kitchen, not taking his wide eyes off me, and there's a loud crash as the glass jar shatters against something, but Grimmjow doesn't flinch or look away.

"Riiiiight, _that_ bit... Sorry, you missed it." I reply in a bored voice, folding my arms and glancing out the window.

"Ichigo..." Sexy Mode: ON. He slinks towards me, his sudden change from frantic to smooth talking is so sudden I'm not sure whether to laugh or not. His voice is almost a growl and for some reason it makes my stomach feel fuzzy.

He swings a leg over me and straddles my lap, my eyes go wide as he slides his fingers into my hair. "Ichi..." He kisses my eyelids and one hand circles my neck pulling us together for a slow scorching kiss; my lips burn. As he bites my bottom lip and licks at the teeth marks I moan in delight.

"Say it again." He croaks against my cheek.

"Uhh..." Ok, I'm a little over powered here.

"Come on..." A hand slides down my chest and rubs at my hip, so close to my throbbing dick, but so far away at the same time. He kisses me again and his tongue dives into my mouth and I feel myself shiver.

"Ichigo."

His hands are suddenly on my belt and I think I'm on cocaine because this whole sensation is scarily addictive.

"Say it." My belt is undone but instead of diving in to touch me he strokes my chest and flicks a nipple, which to my surprise is highly sensitive. "Say it, and I'll do it, Ichigo."

Then suddenly the whole situation is very real.

If I tell him to do this... he will.

"Uhhm..."

Right here? Right now? Right on this sofa?

"Make me come." I whisper into his ear. "I want you."

He doesn't look away from my face when he reaches to touch me. Shit... His stare is too intense, I want to blink, I want to look away. But at the same time, seeing his breath hitch and eyes widen as he watches my reaction is too hot for words. I'm turning him on.

His hands are warm, so is his breath on my face and his saliva on my skin.

It's all too impossibly hot.

"Grimm." I gasp.

I gasp because all the anticipation and previous meditation could never have prepared me for this feeling.

Of course his hand on my dick is amazing and I'm reduced to a pathetic heap of whimpering and stutters, but... but...

I gasp because I have abruptly realised how much feeling I have for Grimmjow. It tears through my veins, causing havoc wherever it goes, making me sweat and pant; it thunders to my heart, my head, making me feel high and dizzy.

Our foreheads are pressed together, tightly; one of his hands sits on my hip holding them down, the other pumping my shaft at a rapid pace.

I just want to stay here in this bubble of closeness forever. I don't want anything else, I don't _need_ anything else.

I try my best to swallow the lump in my throat but it gets stuck and it feels so uncomfortable my eyes begin to water. My body is in utter chaos; my lungs can't get enough air and I'm shaking so much I must look quite stupid.

Suddenly the shaking reaches an almost violent pitch and I choke out, "Get off! Guhh!"

"W-what's wrong?" Grimm stutters, breathing like he just ran a mile and wobbling slightly on my lap. His hand is still on me.

"I'm... I'm about to come." I whisper, feeling mortified.

He doesn't move for a full 10 seconds.

"Shit."

"What?"

"You are too fucking cute for words." He says it to me like it's a huge problem and although my ego takes a hit at being called cute, my heart leaps into my throat and I feel myself go red.

He makes to move his hand again, when I stop him.

"Didn't you hear me?" I say, exasperatedly. "I'm about to come." Doesn't he realise the mess I will make? I'm not explaining little white stains to my dad! I'd rather eat a moose.

There's a pregnant pause.

"That is the idea of this exercise, Ichigo."

"Don't be smart! Don't we need loo roll or something? I'm not walking around with jizz hanging off my chin!"

"Ohh? Spring loaded are we, Ichi?" I wack him in the mouth.

"Get some toilet roll." I demand.

"No." He says, sliding off my lap.

"What? Why?" He sits between my knees.

"I'll lick it up."

Before I can absorb the meaning of those words, pleasure like I have never even dreamed of hits me like a freight train.

"Ohhh!" I breathe in a shuddering gasp and my fingers weave into his hair. His mouth is so hot and wet and delicious...

Too hot. Too wet. Too delicious.

I'm making little noises and I bite my lip to try and hold it in but I see Grimmjow's beady, blue eyes look up at me and I'm totally gone. He better not tease me about this later.

"Ahh! Ahh... Mmm! _Fuck_!"

His tongue is merciless. He takes me to the back of his throat and swallows and hums and -_fuckmesideways!-_ that feels so good!

"Uhhh... Grimm..."

He doesn't stop, he doesn't waver, he just looks up at me, his expression is calm but his eyes have a storm raging in them and I buck and twist because I know I'm the cause.

"Ahh, Grimm." I moan and shiver and I have never felt so out of control before. The need is suddenly upon me like a fever. I need to come, I _need_ to!

"Grimmjow!" I sound hysterical; my chest hurts from all the sobs I've held in.

"Let go." He breathes. And it's funny because his mouth sounds full. And then I realise _I'm_ in his mouth and its that one little thought that pushes me over the edge.

I am overcome by the most violent, whole body orgasm I have ever experienced.

My heart thunders in my ears and –oh there we go- my head has just exploded. All I see is white light and stars and blue eyes that anchor me to this earth.

"Uhh..." A post hand job moan of contentedness.

The realisation then hits me that I just had my first ever hand job and it was absolutely amazing and I want one 5 times a day for the rest of my life.

I blink at Grimmjow owlishly.

"You alright?" he chuckles at my expression. His lips are swollen and his cheeks have an attractive pink tinge to them.

"Uhhm..."

"Coherent language not available yet?" He questions, chortling as I slide down in my seat, totally boneless.

"Huhm..."


	12. Chapter 12

_Again, many thanks to __**Treee**__ who delayed climbing a mountain just to read and beta this chapter! :DDD_

Trying to make stimulating conversation with someone who has just given you your first hand/blow job isn't actually all that difficult. I thought I might shy away from Grimmjow and go all red and just in general make a bit of a prat of myself. But all is well.

As soon as I my brain starts working again, after the most violent sensation of my life, we begin discussing the pro's and con's of a double ended light-sabre. So, as you can see, there's no problem.

I like this new intimacy between us, because it's just me and Grimmjow; there's no one else to see us or know what we just did. This is private, this is personal.

I love the fact that Grimmjow puts my dick away for me and cleans my stomach up and buttons up my jeans. It just... nice, I guess, to have someone who can do that sort of thing. For example if Chad or Tatsuki did, it would be very wrong on so many levels.

Oh wait... they don't like me anymore, do they?

"Here, Ichigo. Sensei told me to give this to you." Thursday morning, Mizuiro puts the paper down on my desk and walks away without another word. The others are just the same; not totally ignoring my existence, but they avoid talking or looking at me unnecessarily. Like I'm a dirty eyesore.

Oh.

_Oh no._

_Oh no, no, no!_

I knew it! I knew this would happen. They aren't stupid after all. They have figured it out and clearly don't want anything to do with me anymore.

They know I'm gay.

They could have easily followed me to Grimm's house and Inoue lives just a few doors down.

I thought that if they did figure it out then they would at least come and talk to me first, not just ignore me. Maybe they really don't like gays? We've made jokes about them in the past and stuff. I'm ashamed of what I said but it was only light hearted. Maybe they took it seriously.

I try to swallow but my mouth is dry. I look down at my hands to see them tremble slightly.

I didn't expect them to act so harshly.

Yes I know I didn't say anything, and I did sort of abandon them but – but –

They are my friends.

Why would they do this?

Coldness creeps under my skin, into my blood and along my veins. It reaches my heart and all the tears I want to shed just freeze.

Of course they hate me. I should have been honest from the start.

_You idiot, Ichigo. You fucking idiot._

"Ichigo, could you collect everyone's sheets please?" The teacher says in a far off voice.

"Sure." My voice is not my own.

I move around the room and people hand me their sheets. Chad gives me his and also a little pat on the back. I can't work out if it's sympathetic or encouraging.

I come to Ishida's desk and he doesn't look at me or hand me his sheet. He just sits there, arms folded, looking away. Tatsuki's the same. So are Mizuiro, Keigo, even Inoue won't fucking look at me.

By the time I'm sitting back at my own desk my hands are still shivering.

But this time I feel angry.

_How dare they._

"Ichigo, you alright?"

Its lunch time already. Thoughts have been festering in my head all day and I know I haven't been myself.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Grimm gives me a disbelieving glace and presses on.

"Are you sure, Ichi? You can tell me; don't bottle it all up." He adds, with a small smile.

"You don't have any friends, so how could you possibly understand?" I say quietly.

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them.

His expression changes and he frowns at me; his lips squeeze together in a harsh line.

What the hell have I done? He was only trying to help, for Christ's sake! Why do I always ruin everything? I'm such a fucking dick!

"I'm sorry!" I blurt out as my eyes begin to water.

Grimmjow looks hesitant for a moment. Then he clears his throat, tells me not to worry about it and pulls me into a hug.

Sure we fight all the time but we aren't malicious about it at all. Its more like playful banter, anyway.

Which is why our first real argument is quite a surprise to me. It reminds me that I can't rely on only one person. I need my friends.

I felt terrible after what I said to Grimmjow at lunch so I kept apologising. But the more I said it, the angrier Grimm got, so in the end I just dropped it.

At the end of the day, things still felt unresolved. I shouldn't have gone over to his house.

It's all alright at first. We laugh at the film _Van Helsing_ and I manage to traumatise Grimmjow and make popcorn at the same time.

But then, about half way through the film, Grimmjow asks if he can put something else on.

"Can't we put it on after this has finished?" I ask, slightly annoyed.

"But it's not even halfway through, yet. Plus its boring." His reply stings me for some reason.

"Well if we stop the film now, then watch whatever you want to watch, we won't want to finish watching the film after." I say. Just shut up, Grimm, I'm trying to watch. He's quiet for a moment then-

"Yeah we will."

"No we won't, Grimmjow." I say dangerously. Why do I get so angry so quickly, these days?

"Why not?" he's baiting me. He looks pissed as well.

I turn to him. I've had enough.

"Because no one watches half a film, Grimmjow. It's just silly and annoying. I'll forget the plot, then the rest of the film won't make sense." I huff and slump back into position, carrying on watching the film.

"Ok, fine. Let's watch this then." He sounds like he doesn't care anymore.

I last about 2 minutes before the guilt makes it physically uncomfortable for me to sit still.

"Ok, whatever!" I throw the remote at him and it hits his leg with a loud _slap_. "Just put what you want on."

"No, its fine. Just this on." Grimmjow sounds bored. This just makes me feel worse.

"No way, I'm not sitting here feeling guilty because you're miserable." I say, outraged.

"Well how do you think I feel? I know you don't want to watch what I do." He is scowling at me furiously.

"So?" I grumble, uncaringly.

Then he's on his feet. He looks livid. Is he gonna hit me?

He strides across the room and turns off the television.

"If we can't decide, then let's just _chat_." He spits the last word at me.

He sits down and neither of us speak.

So this is what we have both been reduced to. Grimmjow is acting like a royal prick and I'm... I'm behaving just as badly, if not worse.

I've been so terrible to him. He probably doesn't know what's going on and here I am being a wanker and he has no clue as to why.

I swallow and glance sideways at Grimmjow.

He's got his head resting on his arm and he slouches over the arm rest of the sofa.

His forehead is creased in a scowl but he looks just about as miserable as I feel.

I am really horrible.

The buzz of a mobile makes me jump.

Grimmjow reaches into his pocket and flips open his phone.

"Hello?... Oh Nel! How are you, sugar tits?"

His foul mood is suddenly gone. He jumps up and heads into the kitchen. Nel? Where have I heard that name before? And who is she? I hear laughter from the kitchen and feel myself become bitter. A voice in my head calls this Nel person names and I try to block it out but some of them are so cruel, I laugh out loud.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

She's probably just a friend. Yeah... that's right.

But my eyes begin to fill with tears.

I cry a lot for Grimmjow's sake, don't I?

"Hey, Ichigo, do you mind-?" He enters to room again and freezes what he sees my face. I feel like such a moron.

"My friends hate me." I cry. "They know. They know how much I like you, and I treated you so badly and I'm so sorry and I really like you a lot, so please don't hate me..."

I sound like a little child that is apologising for spilling something on an ivory carpet. This is probably my lowest moment.

My friends hate my guts and now I'm taking it out on Grimm.

Christ, so much teenage angst! I can't take anymore!

Grimmjow finally decides to move. He sits back on his end of the sofa and for a moment I think he is going to ignore me and I had better go home, but then hands come from nowhere and grab the side of my face. He pulls me so my head rests against his chest. His fingers feel warm against my cheek.

"Don't be silly, Ichigo. We'll sort it out; we'll go speak to them. I'll make them understand..."

I'm exhausted so I fall asleep in his arms.

When I wake a few hours later, it's pitch-black outside. I can't sleepover; I didn't bring anything with me, so I decide to go home. Grimmjow has fallen asleep as well. He looks so peaceful and he has a little smile on his face. I decide not to wake him. I go into Grimmjow's bedroom and grab his quilts and pillows from his bed, then I tuck him in on the sofa.

I grab a pen and some paper and scribble –

_Thanks for looking after me and putting up with my general shit and weirdness._

_-Ichigo_

_P.S. I think I own you a blow job for the other day?_

It's very dark outside as I walk home. I feel grateful when I arrive to the well lit corner where the convenience store is. As I walk past the doors beep and slide open.

"Ichigo?"

I turn and gape at an equally surprised Keigo.

"W-what are you doing here?" He stutters.

I want to say something sarcastic and witty like 'Ohh. I dunno. Maybe because I have needs, too, and I like to leave the house occasionally.' But at the sight of Keigo all wobbly and over laden with shopping bags, my anger vanishes.

Literally, I blink, and I'm not mad anymore.

"I've just come back from Grimm's place." I say quietly.

"Ohh." Keigo looks awkward and shuffles uncomfortably with his shopping bags. "Well, see you at school I guess." He turns to leave and as he walks down the street I watch his back.

Are you abandoning me? Really? Honestly and truly? Do you hate me because I'm gay?

Keigo's figure stops for a moment and after a few seconds of struggling, a bag splits and I hear him curse. I dash into the shop and buy one of those stupid 'bag for life' things. When I come outside again, Keigo is still swearing.

"Here." I say, bending to pick up the meat and crisps and onions that have fallen onto the floor.

Despite everything, I still want to be friends.

Keigo looks at me in surprise. I hold the bag out for him to take, but he just looks at me. It seems he's struggling with himself for a moment.

"I thought you hated us?" He blurts out quickly.

"Huh?"

"I mean we understand and everything but do you really-?"

"Wait one second." I say angrily. "If you 'understand' then what's with the attitude? Or do gay people really disgust you so much-?"

This time, it's Keigo who interrupts me.

"WHAT?"

His voice echoes in the darkness around us.

"You're gay?" He sounds ecstatic for some reason.

_Oh no._

"I had no idea!" Keigo claps his hands together, shopping bags thrown hastily on the floor.

_Fuck my life._

"I thought you were just ditching us for Grimmjow!"

_Just fuck it._

"Wait, what?" I ask in disbelief, suddenly catching up with his last words.

"Well, you've been hanging out with Grimmjow a lot and you basically ignored us for an age. Tatsuki was really mad. Even Ishida missed having you around to insult."

Oh.

I feel a huge swell of relief that nearly takes me to the floor. My friends don't hate me because I'm gay! Woo-Hoo!

"I thought you had figured out I was gay and didn't like me anymore." I say honestly.

Keigo's face drops.

"Why on earth would you think that?" He asks. He sounds a little offended.

Now I should be angry with myself. I have doubted my friends. The people who I love more than anything, I have hurt and betrayed them.

"We love you, Ichigo."

This just makes me feel worse.

"I'm sorry." Hand on my heart, I will never doubt them again. "I had just figured everything out in my head and I guess... I'm actually just a pretty insecure person. Don't take it personally that I didn't tell you earlier. I knew you wouldn't really abandon me because of something silly like being gay, but I was scared. I wasn't thinking straight." I swallow the spit in my throat. "I love you, too."

There is a long outstretched pause during which I go very red and Keigo laughs happily and everything falls into place.

"But wait a sec." I ask a few minutes later. We are both sat on the wall opposite the shop with an ice cream. It's the middle of the night, but who really cares?

"What?"

"So you had no idea I was gay before I said."

"Nope" Keigo sings and he licks his lolly.

"And the others don't have any idea?"

"Not a clue."

"So I just basically out-ed myself to you then?"

"Yep."

"Oh."

"Thanks for telling me, by the way." Keigo is looking at me very oddly. "Your secret is safe with me."

I decide to tell Keigo everything. From my realisation of actually being a puff to the argument me and Grimmjow had earlier. He laughs at the word 'puff' but consoles me about our fight.

Oh, good god, I have never felt this light before. I feel like a bit of fluff. Don't sneeze, I'll fly away.

But I still need to make amends with Tatsuki and the others.

The next day in school, I call them to the roof. I abandon my pride and the image I've tried so hard to up-keep. I get on my hands and knees and beg for forgiveness because, at the end of the day, my friends are worth it.

**_Ahh! I liked this chapter very much! __It took a bit longer than normal because I wrote it, then got a review off _**_sethadmirer_**_, who always gives such an accurate overview of what I'm trying to write and I just felt inspired to do that little bit better. So thank you most kindly, friend! _**


	13. Chapter 13

**_I AM SO SORRY. I have had sunburn like you wouldn't believe and so I have been feeling a bit shit and argueing with my boyfriend about aftersun cream. It hurts when I put it on! It isnt supposed to! Body lotion is much better. But he still wants to put aftersun on me! PISS OFF! IT BURNS! D:_**

**_Anyway~! Next chapter here folks! :D I must apologise for my lack of organisation. I should have written out a timeline or something because now I cant remember what the date is in the world of Ichigo and friends. Im thinking its been about 8 weeks ISH since the whole dramatic confrontation thingy~ I am so very sorry for being vague but I just cant be fucked right now hahah! With skin like a mouldy piece of fruit I just want to be left alone with a cold flannel and some strawberry bonbons..._**

**_ENJOY!_**

Wow. Three months. It's gone by so quickly. It's odd to think that before then I hadn't even spoken to Grimmjow before.

I know I'm a guy and guys are supposed to be all hardcore and manly (which I am), but I have to admit that I have a pretty massive soft spot for Grimm now. It's not love or anything like that; love comes when your older and you want to marry someone and I certainly don't want to marry Grimm.

Dont get me wrong, I want to be with Grimmjow for as long as possible and stuff, but I struggle to see us growing old together.

Am I being a pessimist? Or just realistic?

I just... I can't see it for some reason.

I think I'm being realistic. Things get in the way of a happy ever after all the time. People die, like my mum, so my dad's all alone. Some people fall in love, have kids, then grow apart. Some don't find love until they are much older. Some are unfortunate enough to never find love and they manage OK.

So, realistically, what is the actual chance that me and Grimm will be together in fifty years?

None.

That's fine, though. If I've learnt anything from the death of my mother it's that you must live life in the now. Enjoy the moment.

However this might be easier said than done because there are some rather fishy rumours circling school, which make enjoying the moment slightly difficult.

Apparently Grimmjow has a girlfriend who is living with him. This girlfriend just happens to be one of the hottest girls in school by the name of Nel.

Now I, as his boyfriend, know this isn't true (at least the girlfriend bit is a load of bullshit). The only problem is that no one else knows we are dating so I have to put up with the rumours without saying a single word. This is very difficult indeed because my friends don't know we're dating, either.

Oh, did you assume that I told my friends I was gay? Sorry to disappoint. I just apologised for being a dick, is all. Don't get all annoyed or anything, now, because you aren't me and it wasn't a very comfortable conversation _without_ the being gay part.

The others seemed to find my grovelling technique most satisfactory, especially Ishida, the a-hole. Tatsuki grudgingly accepted and so to now prove myself to them I am going to have to figure a way to balance things out.

Tatsuki told me afterwards that she just didn't like being left out of what I was thinking and that I had just suddenly stopped talking to her, which was entirely unintentional. I just got a bit swept away. I'm not perfect, but I also know when I've been acting like a cock so I sincerely apologised to her and promised to go play in the arcade with her after school today.

But I can't bring myself to come out of the closet to her just yet. I want to enjoy being with Grimmjow alone more; maybe go on another date or something, I just want to be more sure. Also, if Tatsuki is mad at me, then I tell her I'm gay, it would kind of feel like I'm using it as an excuse for being a dick, which I don't want. I fucked up and I did it all by myself. Gay or not.

But anyway.

Nel.

Grimmjow sat me down and told me about her. That she was a good friend from his younger days and that her house had had water damage and so she needed a place to stay whilst they repaired her flat.

Fine. That's fine. I don't have a problem with Grimmjow helping out a friend. Even if that friend is sex on legs and has giant knockers.

She gets to see Grimmjow's face every day when he first wakes up. All I see day in day out is the ugly mug of my father as he jumps me.

I can't help the small part of my heart that aches at this fact.

And then, somehow, people find out about Nel moving in.

Everyone now thinks they are going out, or at least 'fucking' as rumours describe. God it pisses me off.

Especially since it's all Mizuiro and Ishida seem to think or talk about. Even Inoue thinks out loud about it. Keigo says nothing and finds something else to talk about, I send him an appreciative glance and Chad just doesn't give a shit and turns the music up on his iPod. Tatsuki's been kind of busy with her clubs so she just rushes in and out of class at lunch as we sit and blabber about Grimmjow and Nel and about how oddly suited they are for each other as Nel is so beautiful and Grimmjow's so fit.

By the end of lunch I want to kill someone.

I decide to go to the toilet before the bell signals the end of lunch time.

"Hey," I say, surprised. I nearly just walked into Grimmjow coming out of the loo.

"Hey, you eaten?" He asks waving a half eaten sandwich in front of me.

"Yeah, thanks. Who made that? You usually just buy stuff in school." I ask, my curiosity overriding the fact that Grimmjow eats sandwiches whilst using a urinal.

"Nel. She's so lazy but is actually a surprisingly good cook." He chuckles and we walk back to class together talking quietly.

"So she's moved in already then?"

"Yeah, she brought her shit round last night."

"Where's she sleeping?"

"Well my flats on the top floor and there's like a studio thing in the attic with a bathroom and stuff so she just says up there. Don't worry, we'll still have privacy when you come over." He jostles me in the side and raises an eyebrow suggestively, laughing at my pink face.

"That's not what I'm concerned about, asshole." I mutter in embarrassment.

Grimmjow's expression softens. "You don't have to worry about her, Ichi. She's like a sister to me and we never slept together or anything. It's never been like that." He says to me, smiling.

"Hmmm." I don't know what to say. I feel like I've sort of let him down. Of course, she's just a sister to him. And I'm just paranoid schizophrenic.

"Wait a sec, though." I say, suddenly realising. "Nel, as in from the whole Aizen incident? I thought you didn't speak to those guys anymore? Are Ulquiorra and the others ok with Nel staying at yours?"

"Well, I still talk to Nel occasionally and the others don't know. They are still pretty protective of her and since the whole thing was basically my fault."

I open my mouth to violently object to this but he shakes his head.

"Me and Ulquiorra have a sort of agreement for the moment. We don't really talk, but we don't ignore each other either. I mean he's got to side with Yammy and Luppi otherwise it'd stir up even more shit and they'd hate me for manipulating Ulquiorra too."

I realise Grimmjow has sidetracked from the real question.

"Yeah, OK. But do they know Nel is staying with you? Wont that piss them off?"

"Err... Haha. Maybe?" Grimmjow replies, looking sheepish. Upon seeing my expression, though, he tried to smile reassuringly. "I'll be fine! Its only for a short while."

"But you said they hated you! If they find out aren't they gonna kick your ass?" I rage, nearly shouting at him.

"Well, I'm quite buff so they might have a bit of trouble..."

"Grimm, c'mon. Be serious!"

"Ok, then. Seriously, theres nothing to worry about. Nel can just explain it to them if they want a piece of me." He shoots me this lop-sided grin and walks into class without another word.

At the end of the day Tatsuki comes running up to me and we head straight for the Arcade. We play for about four hours solid and Tatsuki seems contented so we walk to the shop and buy our weight in Doritos. I feel the urge to tell her then and there, about me and Grimmjow. I chicken out though. By the time we go our separate ways home, she still isn't in the know.

I sigh and hang my head. I need to tell her soon.

I get out my phone to check the time. 8:30. Hmm. I still have about two hours before my weekday curfew. I text Grimmjow and he welcomes me over.

But the person who answers the door is not Grimmjow. For a second I forget that he has Nel staying and I gape at the very pretty and very voluptuous and very intimidating woman before me. She's probably about the same height as me and has the longest legs I've ever seen in my life. She's wearing rather short shorts and a pink vest which clashes with her vibrant green hair.

I realise I've never actually met Nel face to face, I've seen her in school and such, but like most girls, they never really stood out for me. She simply stares at me and I feel a sudden shiver of dread. What if we don't get on?

From nowhere there are two massive boobs crushing my skull and sounds of squealing and then Nel starts jumping up and down in excitement, my carcass bouncing with her like a rag doll.

"Come in! Come in!" She sings shrilly.

Not really having much say in the direction she swings me, she drags me inside.

Nel drops me on the step just inside the flat and tells me to take off my shoes and join her for tea.

"This way, Ichigo!" She dances along the corridor and into the kitchen and I follow her obediently. She looks pretty solid. I don't want to anger her.

"Urm... How do you know my name?" I ask.

"Oh, Grimmy-chan told me you were coming. He never shuts up about you!" She smiles at me happily then places a cup of Chinese tea in front of me.

"Oh, thanks." I take the tea and sip it heartily. I inhale it and the smell reminds me off Grimmjow. So this must be what he drinks.

"Grimmjow talks about me a lot?" I wonder out loud.

"Yeah. You seem like very good friends." She has her back to me but I can clearly see she is cutting some large portions of cake and putting it onto plates.

"Hmm." I hum, trying to avoid the topic.

"Very, _very_ good friends." She continues putting the knife down and turning to face me, a beautiful eyebrow arched in question.

"Y-yeah..." I stammer, looking at my lap.

"Very, very, _very_ good friend." She insists, leaning forwards. I feel like I'm being pushed into a corner.

"Mm-hm." I squeak. I give myself something to do by taking another sip of tea.

"Are you fucking?"

I choke on my drink and spit it everywhere. It dribbles down my chin and I have never felt more retarded.

Nel, on the other hand roars with laughter.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry!" She's half bent over clutching her side. "You were just too cute!" Then she throws her head back and starts laughing afresh.

I go very red and then there's a noise from the door way and Grimmjow bursts in.

"Nel, what did you do now? Who was at the door-? Ichigo!" Grimmjow has just gotten out of the shower, apparently. His hair is wet and still dripping and he has a towel thrown casually over one shoulder and a pair of jogging bottoms on. Deary me, he is looking quite hot today.

Feeling slightly exhausted I raise a hand in acknowledgement.

"Hey." I smile up at him.

To my surprise he laughs at my expression. He walks over and ruffles my hair violently.

"Oi!" I scowl in surprise and take a swing at him.

As we wrestle I catch Nel looking at us. She has a huge smile on her face.

When things have calmed down we all sit and eat cake and talk animatedly. Nel is not the person I thought she was. She has a very energetic and fast paced way of doing things but she is surprisingly genuine and kind-hearted.

We eat our cake and Grimmjow impresses us all with his new culinary skills at making pasta from instructions printed off the internet. Conversation is loud and flowing with Nel there to supply most of it. She tells stories of when Grimmjow was little and ran around in nothing but a vest and a knitted hat.

"How's your mum, Grimmy? She's always been a MILF." Nel asks Grimmjow, when we've eaten our pasta.

"Yeah, she's alright. Bumming work as usual. She rings me a lot though. I think she's coming back for the holidays."

"Oh, lovely!" Nel exclaims.

"What does your mum do?" I ask, curiously.

"She works for NASA."

"Oh, my god, that's freaking amazing!"

"Yeah, she is pretty cool." Grimmjow puffs his chest out and I realise I've misunderstood. Grimmjow is proud of his mother, not bitter towards her for leaving him alone for extended periods of time.

I feel a sudden surge of affection towards Grimmjow. He's a better person than I thought; he cares more about his mum being happy than his own condition.

Nel laughs at Grimmjow's face and they both begin talking about something else.

I wish we were alone. I really want to kiss him.

As if God is looking out for me all of a sudden, the doorbell goes.

"I'll get it." Says Nel and she skips out of the room.

There is a pair of hands on my face in the next second and Grimmjow brings our mouths together. My mind catches up with me and I kiss him back with abandon. Thank Jesus for telepathy. A hand waves into my hair, pulling me closer and another slides around my neck and dips into the collar of my school shirt. I shiver and reach out to touch him when-

"What are you doing here? Do you have a death wish?"

Voices from the front door bring us back to reality.

"What the fuck?" Grimmjow breathes against my cheek. "Who is that?"

We detach ourselves from each other and walk only to find Ulquiorra grabbing Nel by the wrist out of the front door.

"Qui-chan, let the fuck go!" yells Nel. She looks furious.

"It's dangerous!" To my delight Ulquiorra looks pink faced as he struggles with Nel who is defiant and doesn't want to budge.

"What? You hypocrite! You get to speak to Grimmy all the fucking time! You're still friends!" Nel screams.

"I can handle myself! You're just-!" Ulquiorra tried to reason with her

_Wham._

I thought girls slapped people. I didn't know they could punch. Scary.

Nel is breathing hard and towering over Ulquiorra, who is now on the floor clutching his jaw.

"I'm only looking out for you. You're still willing to be seen with him after all that has happened?" Ulquiorra asks from the floor. "Do you know how dangerous it is to associate with Grimmjow? We dont know where Aizen is. He could be anywhere." Then Ulquiorra notices me. "Your under threat as well-"

"Stop it." Says Nel dangerously. "Just _stop it_. The world doesn't revolve around Aizen and all that shit that happened _years _ago, Ulquiorra. I'm sick of everything being about him. I want my friend back!" she cries, pointing at Grimmjow.

Nel is right. I'd rather have Grimmjow in my life and be in danger, than not have him in my life at all.

"I'm sorry." Ulquiorra apologises quietly. "I'm just trying-"

"To protect me, I know." Then Nel offers a smile and a hand to Ulquiorra to pull him up off the floor.

Suddenly there are the sounds of people jostling each other and swearing. Next second, 3 people try to walk through the door at the same time.

"Yammy! Luppi! Nnoitra! How's it hanging guys?" Nel's squeals in delight and goes to hug them.

"Do you guys want to come in for some pasta? Grimmy-chan cooked it."

The two guys who aren't Luppi look at Ulquiorra to see if this is allowed but Luppi just glares at Grimmjow. Grimm picks his nose absently and flicks a bogie in Luppi's direction as if to say he couldn't give a fuck.

I chortle to myself and shake my head.

"I'll pass on the pasta, me thinks." says the biggest guy. I think his name is Yammy? Grimmjow was right when he said he was 100% muscle. "If I eat anything cooked by this guy then I'll probably die." Then he grabs a very surprised Grimmjow and puts him in a headlock.

"Oi, it's not that bad asshole!" Grimmjow yells, struggling to get free, and failing spectacularly.

We leave them to wrestle on the door step and head back into the kitchen. Nel dishes out pasta and cake and tea for whoever wants it.

Nel sits next to Nnoitra and teases him about his lack of girlfriend to which he goes very red and begins to curse at her loudly. Luppi is looking venomous and sits in the corner on his own quietly with his arms folded. Ulquiorra winds up sitting by me, and when I wordlessly get his some ice from the freezer for his jaw he nods his head in thanks. We sit quietly and I find myself laughing at the ridiculousness of everything. Nel and Nnoitra screaming at one another, the bangs coming from the hallway, even Luppi looking all uptight and stern makes me laugh.

Of course there is also the very serious side to this. I can't help but think I don't have the whole picture and so I'm not taking this whole Aizen thing as seriously as I should. But really, what can I do? I'm staying by Grimmjow's side no matter what and that's that.

Yammy thunders into the room looking slightly out of breath. "Who's this guy?" He asks, rudely gesturing towards me with a stocky finger.

"This here's Ichigo Kurosaki, a friend of mine and Grimmjow's." Nel answers. "He helped out Ulquiorra that time at school on the roof. You know, when you weren't there."

Yammy suddenly goes very red and grins in an embarrassed sort of way.

"Thanks man." He says to me sheepishly. I grin back at him.

I look up as Grimmjow comes staggering towards me. His hair is even more ruffled and he looks thoroughly defeated. Does he not even have an ounce of fight in him? I laugh at his expression and he sinks onto the floor and rests his head against my knee. He closes his eyes and just sits there.

I look around nervously to see if anyone has picked up on this. I catch Ulquiorra's stare, but after a moment he turns away and continues eating his cake. Either the others haven't noticed or they don't care. I breathe a silent sigh of relief.

But then I catch one very disturbing expression.

Luppi is smirking at me.

I'm taken aback for a moment but Grimmjow exhales quietly and I look down at him. Why on earth is he sitting on the floor? He looks tired. I run my fingers through his hair gently and, eyes still closed, he grins and nuzzles my knee.

Luppi can play whatever games he wants.

I glance up again to see him still glaring at me.

I smile and wave animatedly, blowing him a kiss.

He stops smirking.

I laugh to myself and turn to Nel who starts handing out more cake.

**_Err haha... is anyone confused? Basically Aizen is still a part of the plot, people! This will be getting more serious... if I can write it... hahah... Much love to you all for being so patient! :D_**


	14. Chapter 14

**_I got flashed! OMFG! I feel so violated! What's worse is that where I live is quite rural, 3 in 5 people own tractors! And what makes it even more humiliating for me is that the flasher was an 11 year old boy! No pubes, no nothing, just a little bit of flesh he seemed to be proud of. He just ran towards me down the road with his trousers round his ankles. So what did I do? I ran for the hills. I hate my life, people; I absolutely hate it._**

**_Many thanks once again to my most loveliest Beta, _**_t__reee_**_! :D Cheers babes!_**

Nelliel's plans to move out after a week or two of living at Grimm's have gone to pot. Nearly a month has passed since Nel moved in and it doesn't look like she is going to leave anytime soon, either. Can't say I'm complaining; I've really grown fond of her.

Ulquiorra and his posse usually come up with an excuse about once a week to come over for some of Nel's cooking. I always make sure I'm there when they visit because, although they are such a weird collection of people, they are so nice to be around. I could quite happily sit with Yammy and talk about how cool _Vampire Weekend_ are forever. Surprisingly, we have found that we both share a common interest in music and he is probably the third coolest person I have met in my entire life.

Ulquiorra is also a lot less of a stuck-up enigma than it first transpires. He has a very, very, _very_ dry sense of humour and is a person of few words. If you tune into him and just pay attention to what he says, almost everything is laced with sarcasm. Nel always laughs at what he says and I think she fully understands him. Sometimes, though, he will just sit there and not really talk much. I suppose he's a bit unpredictable, but I can tell he's a good guy all the same.

Nnoitra has a very odd relationship with Nel. It seems that the tiniest thing – e.g. batting of the eyelashes – pisses him off greatly. She knows this of course and so the two are always arguing; or rather, Nnoitra has a bursting vein in his head and Nel is simply laughing at him. But when Nel goes out of the room he turns into a very arrogant person, then Nel will re-enter and all his boasting and gloating are proven to be just words as Nel proceeds to wind him up again. It's actually quite funny. I don't take Nnoitra too seriously and we get on great as I like join Nel in her teasing of him.

Luppi doesn't come over anymore. Good. What a moody little fuck.

At this current moment in time, though, we are home alone. Ah, sweet silence. Except for Grimmjow's humming of 'The Eye of the Tiger' under his breath. I don't think he has even realised what he is doing.

He is propped against me and we are on the trusted sofa again. I have to admit we are sort of running out of films to watch. Although we do other things as well, we spend the majority of the time watching films and bumming around his flat. 'Bumming' is not an innuendo.

We're watching Iron man and, whilst it is an eternally amazing film, I have seen it before.

"Want to do something else?" I ask Grimmjow.

"Yeah, this is boring." He sits up and stretches and I try not to feel hurt by his remark.

"What should we do then?" I question, sighing again. I suddenly feel depressed.

"Urr..." Grimmjow scans the room as if he expects an entertaining activity is going to jump from the wall.

"Want to help me paint my room?" He asks suddenly, looking at me with a grin.

"What? Why would you want to do that? I thought you hardly ever slept in your room?" I say with a raised eyebrow. Grimm likes to sleep on the sofa. Nel basically lives in her attic bedroom above us and in the kitchen. The lounge is Grimmjow's room.

"Well, I just want some more privacy. You know, a room for me and you."

I frown. I'm confused as to whether Grimm means 'privacy' for sexual activities or something else.

"I don't mean _that_!" He laughs, reading my mind, but grinning wickedly. "I just meant... _our_ space."

Then he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small silver key.

"You don't have to move in with me or anything but I just thought, I mean... I want you to feel at home here." He is smiling at me nervously. "Or not." I hear him mutter to himself, very quietly.

I catch his wrist as he is about to pull away and I observe the plated metal in his hand.

I pause for a moment then take it from him but I don't let go of his wrist. All I can do is cling onto him tightly and hope he understands.

A few hours later we are in Grimmjow's bedroom. We have covered the bed (which has a double mattress and is quite intimidating) and the other pieces of furniture in white dusty blankets Grimmjow found. He wants the walls orange and green.

"What the hell is with this colour choice, Grimmjow?" I ask in confusion as I slap neon-orange onto the walls without finesse.

"It's the same colour as your hair." He answers, laughing at my offended expression.

"It is most certainly not!" I say, outraged.

"Is to." then Grimmjow actually picks up a bucket, swings his arm backwards, and throws the contents in my face.

I stand still for a full minute trying to comprehend that I am now covered in paint. I blink owlishly through the thick liquid which seeps into my ears.

Grimmjow, on the other hand, is dangerously close to shitting himself with laughter. He drops to the floor and rolls about laughing. I look down at him with disdain.

I pick up the nearest tray of paint – _Electric Green_ I think the tin said – and turn it upside-down over him.

A full blown paint war ensues and after a good five minutes of wrestling over the last can of paint it is safe to say that every surface in the room is covered in orange and green splats and hand prints and even a face print when Grimmjow slipped on the newspaper on the floor and fell into the wall, face first.

Just as my pulse rate returns to normal and my hysterical laughter has ceased to the occasional bark, Grimmjow says something which stills my blood.

"Wanna take a shower with me?"

The time has come for me to fulfil my debt.

I still haven't returned the favour to Grimmjow from when he sucked me off. _I know, I know_, it's been a month already but... well, it's just been too _weird_! Not his dick, I don't have issue with that. What I have issue with is the fact that Nel, despite my earnest love for her, _never leaves the fucking house_.

She doesn't interrupt us or anything when I come over, and once or twice we've gotten close, but I can hear her in the kitchen. She hum's as she cooks. So what I draw from this is that if we can hear her, then she can hear us. I don't want her to hear a scream, then come running in to see what's wrong only to find me with a dick in my mouth.

That wouldn't be cool at all.

But right now, as I strain my ears frantically, I can't hear Nel at all. Grimmjow's bedroom is furthest from the kitchen. I want to punch the air and do a little dance of joy.

So Grimmjow wants a shower, does he?

In response to his question, I raise an eyebrow and grin seductively. Although, with paint all over me, it's not very effective.

A shower equals being absolutely butt naked, quite different from pulling your pants down and having a fondle. But I'm not stupid. Grimmjow. Naked. I'd kill to see that. I'd even take off all of my own clothes if that's what it would take.

I pause for a moment and ponder when I became a nymphomaniac, but I am pulled from my thoughts and into the en-suite bathroom by Grimmjow, who immediately begins to take his clothes off.

As he pulls his shirt over his head he glances at me.

"You too." he says, laughing at me as I drool over his broad shoulders.

Nice one, Ichigo. Now you've actually got to follow through. I'm not particularly self conscious or anything but I haven't been naked in front of anyone since I hit puberty. With rising nausea, I pull my arms out of their sleeves and I tug my shirt off. I use it to wipe most of the paint off my face and out of my eyes and when I look back at Grimmjow, he is stood before me, naked as the day he was born.

He has his back to me and a hand under the faucet, trying the temperature of the shower. His skin is different from mine, its smoother and paler and he has a little red birthmark above his left butt cheek which stands out against his skin. His legs are long and lean and everything about him is masculine and angular. Droplets of paint roll down his spine, across a deliciously round bum cheek, then down an ample thigh.

I just stand there, half undressed, and stare at him. Just looking at his back reaffirms my faith because only god or angels or some kind of superior being could create something as beautiful as him.

I feel very self conscious now. I like what I see, but will Grimmjow like the sight of me naked? Whilst his back is turned I fumble with my jeans and boxers and strip them off. I nervously turn to look in the large mirror above the basin. The paint has made my hair go flat, with a few random bits which stick up rebelliously. I reach up with my dirty shirt in hand to try and scrub some of the paint away.

As I scrub I notice my expression; my brow is set in a deep scowl and I wish I could just look normal for once. I try to relax my face but the effort just makes me frown again. My nails are short and stubby and they look like they've been through a mincer. I need to stop biting them. There's orange hair everywhere, my armpits my crotch, my legs; why can't I be a brunette or something more mainstream? I have a weird belly button too, and there's that scar I got when I fell down the stairs. Oh, and that freckle that looks like a small hairy raisin. My lips are rather thin as well, and my hair is _still_ sticking up-

Arms circle my waist and pull me against something quite stiff and insistently hard.

Grimmjow is hugging me from behind in the mirror, his eyes bright and all seeing as he drinks in my reflection, shamelessly looking at my crotch. I feel myself go brick red and-

Oh.

The something which is 'quite stiff and insistently hard'?

It's his penis, isn't it?

Whatever it was that I was so insecure about a moment ago is forgotten about forever as Grimmjow kisses my ear and gently rubs his hardness against my ass.

My reflection shows me that I'm quite clearly enjoying his attentions.

His arms release me and I turn to kiss him.

It's delicious and tastes like paint and whatever he ate for lunch. Something with BBQ sauce? His hand fits against my lower back and he pulls me against him. I gasp and I'm surprised at the noise I make, but this touch is something else...

Really, I think dizzily as Grimmjow bites my bottom lip and growls as our hot phallus' come together lightly, when people like other people, they genuinely don't give a shit what they look like without clothes on. Either because they like them so much they don't care or them being naked equals getting laid.

Grimmjow runs a hand up my arm and it latches onto my neck, pulling our lips together harder until the sound of our teeth crashing together echoes around the room with the soft pitter-patter of the shower.

Goose bumps are ripping through my skin as the cool air wraps around my limbs; but my chest and crotch are inconceivably warm as Grimm presses against me.

I have to say the feel of our cocks pushing together gently is quite an exquisite feeling. Grimmjow's hand that sits on my lower back sinks down lower still and he clenches my ass in his hand. This way I have no escape; I can't bend my spine slightly and avoid the _too-good-to-be-true_ pleasure. Our hips come together hot and hard and I gasp out as I feel a sudden rush of pleasure that takes me by surprise.

Whatever happened to the gentler movements a second ago are replaced by some merciless grinding as Grimmjow's hips flex into mine. I try to copy him and roll against him clumsily.

He sighs loudly against my mouth and the other hand on my neck creeps into my hair. His fingers on my scalp rouse more goose bumps and I find myself biting back a groan.

"Shower." he says, breathlessly.

We stumble towards the bath but I don't want to stop kissing yet. I nearly slip on the tiled floor and break my neck, so we break apart and he laughs at my shocked face as I steady my legs on the slippery floor.

"It's not funny." I sulk, stepping under to water and sighing in delight as the hot water warms up my skin. I look down and will myself not to go red because my erection stands out against my hips and points straight at Grimmjow's back, as he fiddles with the dials that control the flow of water. I go red anyway.

"Here." Grimmjow hands me some shampoo. I reach to take it from him but he rubs it into my hair for me. The smell of paint is slowly washed away. I bow my head because we are nearly the same height and it makes it easier for him to reach the back of my head. I look down and I see his penis.

Ok, so I saw it earlier but I tried not to look at it too much because that's rude, isn't it? I was just a bit thrown off. I mean, I don't go penis gazing so I don't know what's acceptable and what's not. But with my head bent low it's kind of unavoidable for me to get an eye full.

He is bigger than me.

There, I said it.

Blue hair peppers his pubic bone and his cock stands out even further than mine. I mean, he is taller than me and his arms and legs are longer so obviously he might have a bigger dick. It's odd, but I don't actually find myself caring. Well I do, but not in a competitive kind of way.

It turns me on.

I actually feel myself harden as I soak in the sight before me. Grimmjow is going out with me therefore I get unlimited access to his penis, right? Well then all I can say right now is – FUCKING RIGHT ON!

Spurred on by this I reach forwards. I owe him. I'm not doing this because of that though. Even if I didn't owe him, I'd still want to suck his dick right now.

I chuckle to myself because mere weeks ago I was so afraid that I might be gay, and here I am now, embracing it to the full.

"What's so funny?" I hear Grimmjow ask. I look up and smile at him. The water washes the shampoo away. "I don't like that grin." He says, looking at me nervously. "You don't stare at a guy's dick then start laughing! What's so funny?"

His panic just makes me laugh afresh.

"Stand there." I push him against the tiled wall under the faucet. When I get on my knees and lean in to lick his belly button, surprised isn't a strong enough word to describe his reaction. He stares down at me with a sort of happy, taken-aback gape. I stare right back at him.

People say all the time that sex or being intimate with people in that way doesn't change you. I've always thought this to be true, so I haven't really worried too much about being inexperienced or anything like that.

But right now, kneeling between the legs of a man, with his hot erection pressing against my cheek, I can safely say that sex _has_ changed me. It changes everyone. You become more confident; you become more open about yourself. But more importantly you become more understanding of what you want.

I want Grimmjow.

That's what it boils down to. It's the same for everyone. At the end of the day sex is about admitting that you like someone enough to embrace every last part of them.

I take the head of it in my mouth.

Of course after that amazing speech inside my head I'm still a _virgin_ talking about sex like a _pro_, so what do I really even know at all? And this is a penis in my mouth right now and I think I'm still entitled to be a little surprised when my boldness catches up with me and I realise I don't know - _what the fuck I am supposed to do_!

I mean, is there a technique? A style? A pace?

But whilst my head is hovering over Grimmjow's crotch with the tip of his dick in my mouth and I ponder what to do next, I fail to notice his groan. Then I'm still pondering and my mouth gets kind of dry so I swallow and Grimmjow groans anew but this time I hear him.

Oh God, it has to be the most erotic sound I've ever heard. It's deep and guttural and I glance up at Grimmjow to see his head is thrown back against the wall and his chest sprayed with water. My dick throbs between my legs.

This might not be so difficult.

I lift my hands up to grasp him at the base of his cock and move them in synch with my head in some brand-new, just-invented technique.

"_Shit_." I hear Grimm gasp above me. A hand comes down to rest on my shoulder and another one works its way into my hair again.

Ok, think, think! What do I like? What porn have I seen? I need ideas here!

I hate to be teased so I slow down and do just that, grinning around his cock.

"Ichigo." Grimmjow is glaring down at me, his voice rasp and croaky. "What the fuck?"

I laugh to myself again and pick up the pace. Before he can scold me further, his head is rolling on his neck and he's swearing under his breath.

Grimmjow's dick tastes like salt. There's a sort of musky taste as well, and something else which can't really be described. I will myself to move faster. I don't want to forget this taste. It's foreign to me but now I know it belongs to Grimmjow, I know I'll probably want to come back for seconds sooner or later.

The pace is sort of hypnotic. I don't really want to stop and judging by Grimmjow's breathy moans, he doesn't want me to, either. I use the sounds he makes to guide me.

"Uhhh." he groans and it's so loud and so hot and desperate that he must be close by now. When the hand in my hair tightens and the grip on my shoulder starts to tremble, I know I am right.

"Ichigo, _shit... _Ichigo."

I look up because I haven't actually seen another human being come before.

His head rests against his chest as he glares down at me. 'Glares' because it's more than an intense stare. His eyes are bright and his hips begin to spasm.

"Fuck..."

His hips become frantic, his eyelashes flutter and a final harsh cry rips from his throat.

"Ahh, _Ichigo_."

I feel his come on my face but my hands don't stop until his is milked dry.

I taste it. It tastes like his skin, but stronger; even more salty.

I can't quite bring myself to swallow it, so I lean back and let the water wash it off my face and chest.

My jaw aches and my wrists begin to cramp.

I look up at him and he grins down at me sleepily. He slides down the wall and pulls me against his chest. A hug, I realise. I rest my cheek against his shoulder and breathe in his scent.

I am suddenly made painfully aware that I have an aching boner to sort out.

"Shit." I hiss as the water from the shower head drizzles onto my thigh. "Shit." I mutter again as I look down at myself and my cock twitches, heavy with blood.

A hand sneaks across my stomach and it grasps me. Grimmjow's teeth bite down on my ear and I find myself desperately shivering and muttering nonsensically. Then I smell it. Grimmjow's scent. It's on me as well. It's everywhere. I drown in it. It must be the shampoo. Then all too soon my thighs are quivering, my head is exploding and I've lost my mind to the grasp of Grimmjow's hand against my cock.

So, we didn't end up having sex, that's for another day I guess, but as my breathing relaxes and my trembling ceases, I realise that sex itself isn't a big deal. I already feel as though Grimmjow is the closest person to me in the world.

"I don't know what you've eaten today, but feel free to have it whenever you want." I glance up at Grimmjow, confused. "That was by far hotter than any fantasy I've ever had." He grins down at me. I just gave him a blowjob in a shower and that's not funny at all, really, but I find myself chuckling all the same.

Grimmjow's arm tightens around me and he leans down to kiss my lips gently. He isn't grinning anymore. Instead, he is looking at me with an odd expression. I make to ask him about it but then we both sit up straight as we hear a cry of distress from the kitchen.

Before either of us can pick ourselves out of the bath to find out what's wrong, the door crashes open. Nel is stood there, her chest heaving. She looks down at us and I forget we are both sat naked in a bathtub and this must look very suspicious.

"Nel, is something wrong?" I ask, feeling the concern rise in me because there's panic in her eyes and her eyebrow is creased in frustration.

"We've run out of tea bags!" She cries, wringing her hands frantically.

What follows is the coldest, most stony silence that ever existed.

**_OFFICIALLY the longest smut I have ever written. Want more? Then review, pretty please! Yes, I will sink to blackmail... MWAAHAHAHA! _**


	15. Chapter 15

**_Well the response was so lovely for the other chapter that I thought I should update straight away. Now see, if you review, you get more chapters :D See how that works? Yes? Wonderful! :DDD _**

**_Nice bit of angst here folks! :D_**

"I can't believe her!" I wail in despair from the kitchen table. "Of all the moments she could have chosen to walk in!"

"Chill out, Ichigo." Grimmjow says distractedly from the counter, as he pours hot water into two pot noodles. "Nel has walked in on me with my dick in my hand thousands of times."

I glare at his back.

"Surprisingly, Grimm, that is not reassuring at all." I scowl and fold my arms across my chest.

Grimmjow places the piping hot dish in front of me and chuckles at my sulkiness, ruffling my hair.

I can't really explain why I feel annoyed that Nel walked in. Would you be a bit cheesed off if someone stormed in on your sexy time in the shower? And to complain about the lack of tea bags, too. Ridiculous.

"Where is Nel, anyway?" I ask, stirring my pot noodle and testing it with my fork.

"Gone to buy tea bags." replies Grimmjow smirking up at me from a mouthful of noodles.

"Right. Obviously." I mutter darkly.

The next day is a Sunday and I can tell as soon as I wake up that today is not going to be a good day. My dad actually manages to hit me with a flying kick and the pounding headache I receive as a result of said kick, really fucks up my lie in.

Then there's breakfast. Yuzu is feeling ill so we let her sleep in. But without Yuzu my family might as well be in a jungle surrounded by poisonous beasts because none of us can cook. We spend two hours fannying around in the kitchen before we admit defeat and just eat some crisps.

Then my dad complains about having knits or bugs or something on him, which makes him feel itchy so he has a prolonged shower and uses up all the hot water. That's cool. It's not like I enjoy feeling clean.

I run into Chad at lunch when I need to get away from my dad who is walking around all shiny and clean and I feel like I crawled out of someone's ass. I have a little moan about my family and he invites me over for lunch and a bath.

I sigh heavily as we walk to his house. Yet again, Chad is my saviour. People need friends like this, I think fondly.

"You coming over tonight? Beer, Nachos, gory film?" asks Chad, as he opens the door to his tiny flat. It's only got 3 rooms, including the bathroom but gatherings at Chad's house are always a lot of fun. Where does here get all his beer from, I wonder?

"Yeah, sure sounds good. God knows I need a pick-me-up." I say, sighing again and hanging my jacket up on the wall.

Chad chuckles a deep rumbling laugh and tells me I'm only 17, what the hell is there to be sad about?

I keep my mouth clamped tightly shut. I am happy, _I am_. But I want to tell people. I want people to know about Grimm.

"You want to bring Grimmjow." It isn't a question. Chad looks down at me from where he is stood, eyeing me beadily. Chad has guessed something is up. Usually, if something is bugging me, Chad will be silent and let me vent, or only say a word or two of comfort. Tough love, I guess.

But because he's such a good friend I feel like I have to honour that and say it outright.

"What do you think is going on between me and Grimmjow?" I ask him quietly.

There is a frightening silence. Chad's hair flops into his face so I can't see his eyes; I don't know what he is thinking.

"I don't really know what's going on; it's none of my business. But I know you're in love with him."

I stand there and gape at him, my heart racing a mile a minute.

"_Love?_ Who said anything about _Love?_" I ask in horror.

"Whatever, Ichigo." Chad says dismissively, waving his hand but smirking at my expression.

Love? I had never thought of it. Never. But that doesn't mean I don't think about how much I like Grimmjow. Because I do, a lot. But love? That's a totally different kettle of fish.

Love means-

Love is-

I don't even know. Can you fall in love at 17? Can you find your one true other at an age where you don't even have a job or know what you want to do in the future? It sounds pretty unrealistic to me.

"Ichigo?"

"Hmm?" Oh, Chad is talking to me. "Sorry, what did you just say?"

"I asked you, if you want to bring Grimmjow tonight?"

"Yeah I do. Thanks Chad." I answer distractedly. "The others... they are being awfully quiet about me and Grimmjow being friends... are they alright with it?" I say nervously. I still haven't told Tatsuki.

Chad studies me for a moment.

"Yeah, I think they are. He's just got a bit of a foggy background so they are being cautious-"

"Oh, Christ, all this bloody drama again? He isn't dangerous. Besides, I can handle myself!" I say, suddenly angry.

"Ichigo," Chad's voice is quiet but firm. "They are only concerned for you; they aren't trying to ruin your life."

My gut drops like a rock and I realise he is right.

"I'm sorry." I say ashamedly, hanging my head and leaning again the cooker. There is a moment's pause.

"Pass me that pan, Ichi." Chad rumbles. I grin at him as I hand it over and he smiles back.

"I haven't been neglecting you, have I?" I ask a little while later when we are sat down eating beans on toast.

"Nah, its fine. You're my brother. Besides, Tatsuki is good company."

I choke and inhale a bean up my nose.

"_Tatsuki?"_ I hiss, through my blocked nasal passage.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

It shows tribute to all our years of friendship that I don't ask Chad if he might, maybe, slightly have a HUGE crush on Tatsuki, even though I'm exploding with curiosity.

Once again though, he answers a question I didn't even have to ask by glancing up at me, as I struggle with the now-stuck-bean, and grinning like a mad man.

I admit, even though I made up with my friends and the made up with me, they still haven't warmed up to Grimmjow like I had hoped. Grimm seems equally put off by them as well. He tells me to eat lunch with them and spend more time with them in school so he can have me at the end of the day. I still go over and play video games with Keigo and Chad quite a lot, though. They are probably my best friends. I even make regular dates with Tatsuki to go see a film or to grab some pizza.

But I want to sit with everyone at lunch, why should Grimm be left out? And when I'm over his house after school and we watch a particularly funny film I can't help but think of Keigo and if it would make him laugh or not. I just... want one when I have the other. Its rude and greedy but I cant help wanting everyone to get along... to have everyone together.

When I go over Grimm's house later that evening I tell him this. I'm not expecting a miracle because, let's face it, Ishida is a dick that no one gets on with one-hundred percent of the time, Keigo can be annoying as hell, and every single one of my friends has a personality which could potentially clash with Grimmjow's most violently.

By the time we decide to head on over to Chad's, my moral is not very high. I want to go home. This will be a train wreck.

As we tug on our shoes and jackets at the door, Nel bursts in and demands she comes with us when we tell her where we're going.

"Err, I guess its ok. Do you wanna change and I'll ring Chad to ask?"

"Thank you, Ichi!" She squeals, hugging me and crushing my ribs. She tears through the house and half an hour later she's ready to go.

As soon as we step through the door Keigo throws himself at Grimmjow and begs to be his friend, and FOR FUCKS SAKE he is going to scare him off-!

But, no.

Grimm takes it in his stride and laughs along, teasing Keigo with Inoue, who he already knows? Oh yeah, she lives a few doors down. But when Grimmjow starts to make conversation with Tatsuki, praising her about a drop kick he saw her do in the women's final of some Karate competition, I realise Grimmjow is actually making an effort to get on with my friends.

I blink furiously, trying not to burst into tears of gratitude.

Once Keigo turns his attentions away from Grimmjow he notices Nel stood by herself in the kitchen as she wrestles with a can opener and a bottle of Budweiser.

I watch him watch her struggle and ever so slowly I walk over to him.

"She looks like she might need a hand." I mutter to him, elbowing him in the spine so he staggers over to her.

He looks a little flabbergasted as she accepts his help with a gracious smile.

Grimmjow, however, is on a fucking roll, taking the whole evening another step forwards and earning my total respect. He manages to make a non-violent conversation with Ishida. He talks to him about Inoue; when did they start dating? Have they been anywhere nice? What did he do to win her over? And Ishida becomes a different person, gushing all over his girlfriend. Why the hell didn't I think of that?

As it turns out, Keigo and Grimmjow actually have a lot in common. They are both scared of ovens; both for different reasons of course, Grimmjow's making slightly more sense. And they both love the Carry On films.

"I have every single film ever made! Carry On Henry is the best! We should have a movie marathon sometime! I love Kenneth Williams!" Keigo cries dramatically, flopping at Grimmjow's feet. I stifle a laugh and roll my eyes. I like the Carry On films too, but there's only so much of that old English humour I can take, I couldn't do a marathon.

I notice Nel sat next to Inoue on the sofa, looking at Keigo with interest, as he flaps around to room.

In my absent minded state I don't watch the world around me so I walk right into Ishida's outstretched arm. He spills his drink all over my shirt. After narrowly avoiding a fight I slip into the bathroom, furious. I rip my shirt off and throw it into Chad's laundry bin. I begin rifling through a cupboard opposite the bathtub. I find a shirt I left here ages ago, it smells clean, Chad probably washed it then tucked it away for me in case of such an occasion. I stand up but before I can slip it over my head Grimmjow slides the door open and enters the bathroom.

"Hey, are you ok? Ishida is a-" He begins.

I cut him off with a sudden kiss. Grimmjow looks surprised at first but then a hand sneaks around the skin of my shoulder, then it slides down my back. Goosebumps erupt across my skin and I shudder.

When we finally pull apart we are both breathing short ragged breaths.

"You wanna tell me what I did to deserve that?" Asks Grimmjow, pink in the face, but grinning triumphantly. "Then I can do it every day for the rest of our lives!"

"Thanks for everything." I say, hugging his waist. There's so much I want to thank him for, I think I'll just use a blanket term for now. I'd say he pretty much won over all my friends so I'd say he's pretty deserving of a kiss.

Hmm. Maybe two kisses. I reach up to do just that, Grimmjow chuckling against my lips; I can't help but smile either.

"_Ichigo?"_

My name? Who said that? I pull away and glance around trying to figure out where it came from, but the door is wide open.

Tatsuki is stood there, mouth hanging agape. Behind her stand Ishida, Inoue and Mizuiro, faces collapsed in shock. Chad and Keigo stand behind them, Keigo in mid leap as if to stop Tatsuki opening the door. Chad looks uncomfortable.

"Shit." I breathe. Tatsuki snaps to attention, backing away slightly. "Tatsuki," I croak, stepping towards her. "I'm sorr-" But she's already at the door, pulling her shoes on and grabbing her bag.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

By the time I have put my shirt and shoes on she's already at the bottom of the steps and making a dash across the car-park. I run faster than I have ever run in my life. I close in on her and I feel the fabric of her coat beneath my fingers. I grab her arm, swinging her round to face me.

"What the hell was that?" She shouts at me furiously, but her voice cracks. "What the _bloody fucking_ hell was that?"

"We're going out." are the only words I can find.

"_Going out_?" She reaffirms in an exasperated voice. "But you're both _guys_! How does that work? You're telling me _you're_ gay?"

I feel the anger ball up in my stomach. I grasp her shoulders and shake her slightly.

"You're telling me _you_ have a problem with that?" I remark fiercely.

She gasps and her eyes widen in shock. "Are you stupid?" She cries. She opens her mouth again, as if something is on the tip of her tongue, but it dies and she goes quiet. "Let go." She mutters, shrugging me off. "I need to... to think." She finally spits out.

I release her shoulders.

"Go and _think_ then." I say, bitterly, turning my back on her.

"Ichigo-" She begins, reaching for my arm.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I'm suddenly shouting at the top of my lungs. She flinches and her eyes fill with tears. My heart cracks a little bit but can't she understand why I'm angry?

Tatsuki swallows, looking pale and haunted. She nods once and walks away.

"Ichigo," It's Grimmjow. He is standing a few feet behind me. I don't look at him but I can feel the warmth that rolls off his body.

"That was a bit harsh, don't you think?" He says quietly.

"No." I reply, stubbornly. "She just said she needs to _think about_ whether she's ok with me being gay. I don't care who it is, _no one_ is going to make me feel like I have made the wrong decision. _No one_ is going to make me feel like I am two inches big."

I scowl at Tatsuki's retreating figure.

"No one."

It's the cold.

I tell myself it's the cold that makes my tremble and shiver so desperately, so uncontrollably.

I feel Grimmjow move closer and his warm fingers brush my hand, taking it firmly in his own.

I hold onto it with all the strength I have left.

**_Oh lord, whatever shall we do now, Grimmjow?_**

**_Sexy time Ichigo?_**

**_Yes please, Grimmjow! Take me against this bin!_**

**_Ok, Ichigo. This might hurt a bit. I have a MASSIVE mangina._**

**_Don't know what that was about, sorry guys. Just felt like writing the word mangina :)_**


	16. Chapter 16

I'm angry at Tatsuki.

I think I will be for a long time.

But, more than the anger, more than the hurt and annoyance, I feel disappointed. Like the one person who I was sure would accept me and be happy for me has let me down. Do you know how insecure this makes me feel? To know that a precious friend is not the person I thought they were? It's unnerving.

I feel tired.

Everything seems to be a struggle. I feel as though I have to fight so hard for every little thing, for every little step I take with Grimmjow. And, although I feel happier than I have in my entire life, I also feel like I'm at my wits end. I just want to sleep.

I spend Monday in my room. I don't talk to anyone, I don't eat either. I just... don't want to.

I stare at my clenched fist, memorising the patterns my veins make beneath my skin. My mobile bleeps under my pillow but I ignore it. It's probably the 60th time it's gone off today. I don't really want to talk to Grimmjow right now. I just want to be alone.

There's a knock at my door.

"I'm not hungry, Yuzu." I call.

But the door opens anyway and it isn't Yuzu. I sigh heavily.

"Dad... please, just leave me alone right now." I don't have the energy to deal with his retarded behaviour. He ignores me though and enters my room, shutting the door behind him.

"Ichigo, do you want to talk about it?" He asks.

I sit up and glower at him, my blood suddenly brought to a boil. "No I don't want to bleeding talk about it. I want to be left alone!" I spit.

"Oi!" He frowns, suddenly pointing a threatening finger at me. "Don't talk to your old man like that, please. I think I deserve a little more respect than you're offering right now, Ichigo."

I swallow. He's right. But I don't care.

I lie down and turn my back on him.

"Ichigo..." He says again more softly. "Ichigo, your sisters are worried about you. I've had about 7 calls off your friends asking if you're ok-"

I sit up like a ramrod.

"Did Tatsuki call?" I ask urgently, forgetting to be rude.

"No."

I lie down again, deflated.

"Dad," I croak. "Tatsuki found out about me and Grimm. She doesn't like it." My nose begins to run as it always does before I burst into tears and I prop myself up again, looking for a tissue.

Dad has a box of them in his outstretched hand.

"Thanks." I sniff, taking one.

"Ichigo," Dad begins, sitting next to me on the bed. "I don't know what to say to make it better, because nothing I can say will change the situation. Tatsuki might not ever come around; then again you could be right as rain by tomorrow."

"Great." I say sarcastically. "Thanks a lot dad."

To my annoyance, he grins at me. "But remember: I love you. Your mother loves you. Yours sisters love you. And by the sounds of things..." My phone bleeps again. "This Grimmjow person loves you as well."

For fucks sake! I want to throw my arms up in exasperation. There's that _Love_ word, again. I huff disbelievingly.

"Ichigo, I'd answer that, if I were you." Then he pulls himself off his bed and as he exits my room he says over his shoulder. "We're eating in an hour; I want you to join us." He flashes one last infuriating grin and then the door clicks shut.

I scowl at my phone before I reach to answer it.

Tuesday is hard. Not because Tatsuki is there, but because she isn't.

"Where is she?" I ask Chad.

"Sorry, Ichigo, I don't know." Chad looks at me sadly.

"Oh, right, thanks."

I leave the room quickly; Chad's sympathetic look makes me feel uncomfortable.

Inoue finds me at break. I'm sat on the roof with Grimmjow. I know I've been down but he is valiantly trying to show me how to juggle bottle lids.

"Ichigo," she questions softly. "Do you still like my mustard buns in gravy with coleslaw?"

I nod, not too sure where this is going.

"Good." She says. Then she hugs me and floats away.

What a lovely person.

Mizuiro and Ishida approach me next. Ishida doesn't say anything as Mizuiro starts blabbing about equality to the people. The whole time I don't take my eyes off Ishida and when the bell goes, signalling the end of break he nods his head slightly in my direction. I guess that's the most I'll ever get out of him. Mizuiro says he'll see me this weekend and I grin at him.

"Thanks." I call after them as they leave for lessons.

This puts me in a better mood, but as we walk to English I glance at my phone.

'New Messages (0)'

I guess Tatsuki and I won't be making up anytime soon, then.

Suddenly I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go to lessons; I don't want to be at school. I don't want Grimmjow to keep looking at me nervously as if I'm going to throw myself out of a window.

"Would you knock it off?" I blurt out suddenly. Grimmjow looks surprised. He opens his mouth to talk but I cut across him. "I'm upset, not suicidal, ok? You can stop crawling all over me now. "

No, that isn't what I wanted to say!

"Sorry." He says quietly. He looks like a kicked dog.

God this is so fucking self-destructive. My eyes sting.

"Ichigo? What's wrong?" Grimmjow asks urgently. We're in the corridor on our own now.

"Oh nothing, everything's fine!" I answer shrilly. "Absolutely peachy! My oldest friend is to afraid to talk to me, I'm sick of lashing out at you because I don't mean it and you don't deserve it and I just want to go _home_!"

I sound utterly retarded, but Grimmjow pulls me into a hug.

"Don't worry, Ichigo. Just don't worry. I'm here."

That is the most comforting thing I've heard all day.

"Hey Ichigo, I've got an idea." Grimmjow suddenly grabs my shoulders, looking me in the eye with an outrageous grin. "Go home, get changed, grab some money and meet in at the train station in an hour."

"Huh?" I say stupidly, forgetting to blow my nose.

"Go on, off you pop. I'll meet you there!" He laughs, then gives me a little shove in the direction of the exit. It's easy enough to get out of school. When I get home I have a cold shower to sooth my red eyes.

And Grimmjow; just what is he planning?

I meet him at the train station an hour later, as promised.

"Why are we going to the city?" I ask curiously, looking down at the destination of my ticket Grimmjow just gave me.

He just grins.

Ok, it's exciting at first, but after about an hour of repressing my curiosity on the train ride, I admit I'd kind of like to know where the hell we're going.

"Have you heard of the Royal Tyrrell Museum of Paleontology?" He asks suddenly, as we step out of the station and onto a bustling street. People run to and fro carrying their weight in designer shopping bags, others rushing back to work after a hasty lunch.

"Yeah." I answer slowly. "Isn't in Canada?"

"Yeah, well they have a travelling collection too. It's actually really big and usually hangs around for a year or so-"

I stop in my tracks.

"Ichigo?"

"Is that where we are going?" I ask in a trembling voice.

Grimmjow grins at me. "It was a birthday present but I can always get you something else. Besides, you looked like you needed cheering up."

What do you do when someone does something like this for you?

I want to throw myself at him, hug him till his spine breaks, kiss him till his lips fall off. But I dont think I have the energy for that right now.

So I reach up and pull him into my arms. I close my eyes and rest my head against his shoulder. I feel his arms circle me in return.

"No one has ever done anything like this for me before." I tell him. "How the hell am I supposed to repay you for this?"

I feel his hot breath against my neck as he chuckles quietly.

"No, Ichigo. This is my payment to you for sticking up with me for so long. How am I supposed to repay you for that?"

I don't quite know what to say and I don't want to say something that makes me sound like a love-struck girl so I think very hard before I speak.

"You could buy me a car?" I mumble, trying to joke.

He laughs and my stomach back flips at the noise. We pull apart and continue on our way. However I take special care to reach for his hand and I hold onto it firmly.

Some people look, some people don't, but we're going to have a brilliant day so what does it matter?

Twenty minutes later I'm bouncing along the street blurting out random facts I've learnt about prehistoric life, the fact that we are going to a _freaking dinosaur museum _is too much to hold in.

"Did you know it's noted for its collection of more than 120,000 fossils?" I say happily, fantasizing about fossils. "Oh, and they also have different galleries celebrating the 3.9 billion year history of life on Earth. Isn't that amazing?"

Christ, I sound like a Nerd.

Grimmjow just laughs at me though, and keeps asking me questions, seeming to be genuinely interested.

I read a lot in my spare time. Like before I go to bed or before I eat dinner, although my reading material is pretty limited to Shakespeare - the freaking genius - and huge volumes on paleontological history. I read stuff on the history of medicine too, but prehistoric history has always been especially interesting to me. This extends to dinosaurs. It might sound childish, it might sound gay, but I just get so caught up in it sometimes. Tatsuki always thought-

Oh.

My mood deflates.

"Ichigo, maybe we should go home? You could always come here another time and maybe bring Tatsuki with you? It'd be a really good chance to talk-" Grimmjow begins, reading my mind again.

"No." I say firmly, looking at Grimmjow and smiling at him as we join the queue to get into the exhibition. "I want to be here with you. Tatsuki will sort herself out." And I mean it when I say it. I would give all the books on prehistoric history in the world to be here right now with Grimmjow. I have the chance to share with him something that I am passionate about that means a lot to me.

The very first thing Grimmjow does when we get inside is buy a Tyrannosaurus Rex mask. He refuses to take it off for the rest of the day. By the time we are ready to leave I am clenching his wrist tightly to stop him from chasing after little kids and a group of elderly tourists. I nearly wet myself with laughter.

What really took my breath away, though, was the huge skeletons that loomed over us. There were loads of them. The sheer size and shape of them were a sight to behold. I think I damaged my neck from craning it so much to get a proper look.

Then there was a gallery where artists had done paintings and sculptures of the dinosaurs with fur and scales and hair. You weren't supposed to touch them but Grimmjow dragged my hand over the furry leg of a Woolly Mammoth. It was a lot softer than it looked.

"Hey, it's me!" Grimm said, chuckling at the huge reconstruction of a T-Rex and pointing to his mask. He then began to stagger around the room on tippy toe, copying the way a T-Rex would have walked, but he just looked like he has a really bad wedgie.

I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

I was worried, at first, that Grimmjow might have just come here to cheer me up but he seems to be having a lot of fun as well.

It begins to get dark all too soon and we decide to catch the train home.

Grimmjow walks me from the station to the convenience store and I convince him I can walk the rest of the way by myself. I kiss him goodbye in the darkness of the street.

By the time I get home I'm totally exhausted. Today has demanded a lot from me and I feel emotionally drained. One minute I was at an all time low, the next I was soaring higher than I ever have before. I smile to myself because what would I actually do if I didn't have Grimmjow?

By the time I reach the landing I'm smiling again. My cheek muscles hurt from grinning so hard. I kick open my bedroom door and chuck my bag onto the floor. I turn to hang my coat back in my wardrobe and the presence of a person on my bed nearly gives me a heart attack.

"_Woah_!" I yell in surprise, jumping back. I gasp. "Tatsuki..." I suddenly realise what her being here must mean.

She's obviously got something she wants to say.

"Ichigo," She begins, sucking in a heavy breath. Apparently being around me is causing her some kind of issue. "You have always been like a baby brother to me. Always. I thought we were the closest. Even if you didn't tell me what was wrong, I'd guess anyways."

Oh, is she going to go all tragic on me now? Like how I'm not the person she thought I was.

"But this... I didn't see it coming at all! You're not my baby brother anymore. I don't know you as well as I thought I did."

Bingo.

"But, I'm supposed to Ichigo! I've been with you since forever and I'm supposed to know!" She bursts into tears; they fall thick and fast. My face collapses in shock. "I feel like I've failed you, like I haven't been a good enough big sister. You went through it all on your own and I didn't even realise." She sobs. "I'm sorry."

_Of course._

Of course Tatsuki wasn't going to abandon me just because of a little thing like being gay. I want to slap my forehead and pull my hair out in frustration. I've done it _again_. I've underestimated another friend.

She was just concerned about me. She probably wanted to get away because she doesn't like it when people see her cry. But as she sits on my bed, she makes no movements to wipe her tears away. Only with me is she like this, only I get to see this side of her.

"No," I tell her, smiling and handing her the box of tissues my dad brought in yesterday. "Don't apologise. You have nothing to be sorry for."

And as I hug her, everything is alright.

**_Dramatic much? Haha! Leave a review and I'll update quicker ;) _**


	17. Chapter 17

**_Sorry its rather short :) _**

**_As a side note – I have mentioned Christianity and I'm pretty sure I haven't offended anyone... I'm a Christian and I wasn't offended! :D _**

**_If, however, you are, tell me exactly what is wrong and I'll change it. _**

**_But if you act like a dick and leave an anonymous review which slags me off I will laugh at you and your 11-year-old behaviour. _**

**_Don't stand next to the fire if you can't handle the heat! –or something like that- Haha, I'm so crap at being bad ass..._**

**__****_ENJOY! :D_**

It's been a few weeks since Tatsuki and the others discovered my tragic homosexual identity. Well... It's not exactly tragic, in fact it's actually fucking amazing, but you know - for drama's sake.

Anyway, the others have also figured out that Grimmjow and I are an item. To be honest, if they hadn't, I'd be concerned for their mental capability.

So as a result of said figuring out, everyone is being considerably more accepting of Grimmjow. It is actually wonderful to see all of my friends get on so well with him. There are a few awkward moments where they aren't sure if Grimmjow and I want to be left alone, or they aren't sure how to react to him being very much in my personal space.

Also, I don't want to kiss him in front of them. It's got nothing to do with being gay or anything like that but I don't know how many people appreciate a couple (of any sex) devouring each other's tongues in plain sight. And judging by Grimmjow's shit-eating smirk, I know if I give him an opening he will take full advantage of it and mentally scar everyone in a 2 mile radius with his display of affection.

Then one day Grimmjow tells me his mum is coming to stay for a weekend.

"Oh." I say in surprise, not sure how to react. Mainly because right now we have just lost the pastry cutter and have to hand mould gingerbread men, so is it really appropriate to tell me right now when my ginger bread man is in serious danger of having a wonky leg and I need to concentrate?

"So, do you want me to clear off for a little while? Or help you clean your room? We still haven't moved those pots of paint-"

"No, no!" Grimmjow says quickly. "I want you to _meet_ her."

"Right," I say, giving up and just pulling the leg off my crippled ginger bread man. He can be a pirate. "And how does your mum feel about you being a gay-boh?"

Grimm chuckles nervously. "Well... I haven't told her."

"Tell her and then bring me in. She might not want a stranger in the room whilst you tell her you crave penis."

He snorts at my answer, but as he looks at his own gingerbread man his face begins to crease with worry.

"Christianity isn't really my thing but since mum's dad died – my Granddad - when I was 7 or 8 , she's been pretty big on going to church." He speaks slowly, weighing out every word to see if they fit. I look at him in surprise.

So she's a Christian? What does that mean? Will she hate us? I'm not too familiar on religious stuff. We go somewhere else when we die, that's all I really believe. Oh and Karma.

"Christianity isn't what you think." Grimmjow says quickly, reading my face. "Some Christians are totally accepting. Some, not so much. Others not...at all..." His sentences get quieter and quieter and judging by his expression he is trying to imagine what the fuck he would do if this was the case with his mum. What if she wanted nothing to do with him and kicked him out? He could live with me. But, then... Mothers don't do that do they? Kick their kids out? When you have a baby and you hold it don't you make a sort of wordless promise to protect it forever?

I would if I had a child.

Their happiness would be more important than my beliefs or anything. In a way... isn't that how it's supposed to be? Isn't that what real love is? It reaches beyond anything and everything and just swallows you up.

"Grimmjow... you're her _son_. She gave _birth_ to you. Don't be stupid. She'll love you no matter what."

The words just tumble off my tongue. Grimmjow laughs gruffly, looking away and wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"You're right." He gives me a smile.

It is the hunger to see that smile everyday for the rest of my life which makes me put all my faith in a woman I haven't even met.

Thursday evening we hastily tidy up the lounge and move the last of Grimmjow's crap into his room. I decide that I want to be here with Grimmjow when his mum arrives. It might look a bit suspicious but I'll introduce myself as a friend. I won't let Grimmjow defend himself all on his own.

But as it really does look a little odd that I am Grimmjow's friend and I'm just hanging around his house all day, Nel decides she wants Inoue to come over as well. To be honest, this makes me feel a little better. That way I can sit with Nel and Inoue if Grimmjow needs a minute with his mum.

Amidst the last minute tidying and confusion we all suddenly realise that Grimmjow's mother actually _lives_ here so we probably shouldn't treat her as a guest. She even has her own bedroom. We all drop what we are doing and play it casual, ordering a Chinese.

"So what's your mother's name, Grimmjow?" asks Inoue over her Chicken Chow Mien.

"Grace." He says, spraying my arm in half chewed beef.

"That's pretty." Inoue exclaims.

"It's so normal." I say, surprised.

Grimmjow laughs, leaning over me for the prawn crackers. "What did you expect? She is normal; born in America. My dad's the weird one."

"Well, with a name like Grimmjow... Where did that come from?" I ask, half teasing, half curious.

"Well, with a name like Grimmjow..." He does a bad impression of me in a mock posh voice.

"Shut up." I elbow him so he drops his chopsticks, but I have a grin on my lips.

"But, where is your name from, Grimmy-chan? It's quite unusual." Nel questions, standing up to get another drink.

I notice Grimmjow hesitate before he opens his mouth.

"I'm German on my father's side." He explains, looking at his plate. "_Grimmiger Junge_ means 'grim boy', as in 'sad little boy'. That's what my name is derived from. My dad was going for a weird angle." He says, laughing darkly.

We finish our food and Grimmjow and I volunteer to wash up. I'm eager to ask him about his dad. I mean what kind of father names their son in that way? A bit dark isn't it?

"Does your dad work abroad as well?" I ask attentively as I hand Grimmjow a plate to dry. I watch his expression for a moment as he struggles to answer.

"No. My dad's long gone. Haven't seen him in years. He fell in love with my mum and stuff; there were honest feelings there, but... He..." Grimmjow leans in. He looks like a little child who is about to whisper a swear word; his eyes scream worry and uncertainty. "He wasn't very well... in his head." He speaks quietly. Ashamedly.

"What was wrong with him?" I ask, reaching for his hand and squeezing it in my own.

"Dunno. Just went a bit loopy when I was born. He'd scream stuff like I wasn't his son and I was an imposter. But I had his hair." Grimm mutters angrily, tugging on a strand in frustration. "I had his eyes." He repeats, rubbing the side of his face. He looks a little confused. "We're so alike in so many ways. Even our sense of humour."

I wonder if Grimmjow thinks he is mad like his father, too, or at least a little different. He hasn't said he feels that way, but for a second he opens his mouth again, then closes it quickly.

I chuckle because Grimmjow is a little mad. But then I wonder...

"Where did you get all the good in you from then?"

He pauses before reaching forwards and taking the unwashed plate out of my hands and setting it down on the counter top.

"Hey we gotta clean that-"

... and he hugs me.

"Grimm?" I whisper, alarmed. Why am I whispering? "What's wrong?"

"You said I was good." he replies, his voice muffled.

"I know I did." I say dryly. "But why is it such a big deal? Don't people say nice things to you?"

"No, they do."

"Right then, well."

"It means more coming from you."

And I don't really know what to say to that so I just shut up and hug him back.

_Yeah! Shut up Ichigo! GOD! Such a freaking worry wart!_

_Amy_**_, I would LOVE a review in French and thank you very much for all of the ones you have left so far. I can't read French in the slightest, but I will have a little fun with google translator :D Haha. Thanks for all your support so far, sweetie :) x x_**

**_And all you other anonymous reviewers to :D_**


	18. Chapter 18

**_Here it is folks, don't fret :D_**

Acting casual... Acting casual...

"Ichigo! Act casual!" Nel whispers fiercely as the doorbell rings and Grimmjow springs to his feet, dashing out of the room to answer it.

"I am!" I hiss, indignantly, crossing my arms and scowling at the table in front of me. Nel wanted to play card games. Casually, of course.

"Well then, stop fidgeting! You look constipated."

My scowl deepens and I open my mouth to tell her exactly where she can stick her pack of stupid cards when Grimmjow enters the kitchen followed by a person who could only be his mother.

"Hey, it's Nel!" Grace drops her bag on the floor and strides across the kitchen to hug an equally excited Nel.

Grimmjow's mother is very different from what I originally expected. For starters, she's even more beautiful.

Her hair is very short, perhaps only a few inches long, but is styled with care. It's a deep royal blue which looks dark purple as she moves under the tacky artificial light of the kitchen. Her skin is as pale as her son's and I notice they both have the same lips shaped in a confident smirk. She must be in her late forties but the only thing which gives her age away are the laugh lines around her eyes, which deepen even more so when she glances at Grimmjow, her beady black eyes dancing with humour.

She is dressed smartly in a white blouse which ruffles at the neck and downwards, across her chest, hiding her lack of cleavage. But her flat chest doesn't hold her back at all because her tightly fitting pencil skirt shows off her ear-high legs and the feminine curves of her waist and thighs.

She steers through the kitchen with an easy grace and confidence and no one can take their eyes off her.

"Look at you, Nel!" She looks to be quite straight laced but as she cups Ne'ls face in her hands, she is brimming with giggles and laughter and all sorts of compliments for a blushing Nel. "You've grown, so much! You've gotta be the most beautiful girl in town now, right?"

Her eyes flicker to the table and she spots me and Inoue.

"Oh? Who do we have here? Who's this lovely lady?" She asks, gaily, taking Inoue's hand and tugging her onto her feet.

"N-nice to meet you, Mrs Jeagerjaques. My name is Inoue Orihime." Inoue says nervously

"Not at all. Call me Grace and I'll call you Orihime, ok Orihime?" She laughs and then she pulls Inoue into a hug as well. "I hope you've been helping Nel look after Grimmbo."

I snort but quickly cover it with a cough.

I hear Grimmjow mutter darkly in embarrassment.

"And you must be Ichigo." Her little beady eyes are suddenly upon me and I pause nervously. "Grimmbo's told me so much about you!" She laughs again (what's so funny?) and leans down to hug me in my chair. I'm taken by surprise. She feels warm and smells like oranges.

Then she pulls away but I can feel her warmth linger on me.

"I'm glad you managed to make some good friends, Grimm." She turns to her son. We all sit down at the table again and I shuffle, beginning a new game of Rummy with Nel and Inoue. The air becomes less tense and we relax into our game. Grimmjow wanders around the kitchen making his mother a cup of Hot Chocolate as she interrogates him about his cleanliness.

"Honestly, I'm so glad Nel came to live with you. God knows what this place was like before she came and banished all your crap to your bedroom."

"Mum, I'm not an _animal_. I have heard of soap before, you know?" Grimmjow is frowning at the kettle as it boils but his face splits into a reluctant grin as his mother pulls a pouting face and pokes him in the side, telling him, "Yeah, but do you know how to _use_ it?"

She groans loudly as she sips her Hot Chocolate.

"I am so sick of coffee. Hot chocolate is _heaven_."

"How's work, mum?"

"Just about as cool as always." She says grinning, then turns to tell us all about a space shuttle that has just returned from Phobos, a moon of mars.

Inoue and Nel continue with the game, but I just lap up every word Grace says. She speaks quickly and animatedly, grinning at me as she gushes over outer space. It must be nice to have something that impassions you that much.

But then her food is ready and she gobbles it up hungrily, asking Grimmjow – is he washing, brushing, wearing clean underwear? He groans and goes pink, rolling his eyes at her questions.

Clearly he adores her.

When she finishes eating and seems to be satisfied that Grimmjow is clean, she gets changed into some leggings and a Blondie T-shirt, then collapses on the sofa in the lounge, in front of the TV.

I catch Grimmjow's eye.

"Grimmbo?" I ask, trying to stifle my laughter with my fist.

"Shut up." He sulks. "She just made it up one day and because I made such a fuss and hated it so much she calls me 'Grimmbo' all the time."

We all laugh at his expression and begin yet another game of cards. Grimmjow joins us, deciding to let his mother rest for a few hours by herself. He explains that despite her love for her job, she rarely has a day off. Not because she can't, but because she loves her job so much. He doesn't seem to mind that he's left alone at all.

"It's because we would probably kill each other if we saw each other every day." He explains to me, when I ask. "We didn't get on very well when I was younger."

An hour or so later things are getting competitive and a few £20 notes have crept onto the table. I hear a shuffle from behind Grimmjow and look up to see Grace enter the room. She looks troubled.

I notice she is clenching a magazine in her hand and as the title jumps out at me, I freeze dropping all of my cards onto the table.

"Ohh, man! You had my Queen of hearts!" says Nel in frustration, tossing her cards onto the table as well and noticing Grace, who just stares at us.

"Huh? Mum, what's up?" Grimmjow asks, spinning around and taking in her expression. Then he notices the magazine as well.

"Where did you get that?" asks Nel in horror.

"Under the rug." Grace answers stiffly.

"Ohh... that's where I put it..." Grimmjow mutters, quietly as if suddenly remembering.

The title reads 'BENT!' in capital letters with a picture of three naked men on the front cover all licking each other in inappropriate places.

Nel and Inoue snort with laughter, trying to suppress their giggles; even I feel a rising chuckle.

Grimmjow's porn stash. Under the rug, huh? Original.

Well the lounge was his old bedroom; maybe he forgot it was there when he moved his stuff?

Grace, however, does not look amused.

"You feel like explaining this?" Her voice makes us all go silent. She doesn't sound disgusted or angry or anything like that, but she has the tone of a mother that would like to know what the fuck is going on.

Grimmjow falters. Freezes. Doesn't move. Stops breathing.

"It-it's a joke, Mrs Jeagerjaques." I blurt out, quickly. Her eyes snap to me, studying my face. "I bought it as a joke ages ago and I hid it-"

"No." Grimmjow says loudly, cutting across me. He looks very pale and he shuffles nervously.

"Grimm-" I begin, but he ignores me. Instead he turns to his mother, looks her straight in the eye and says, "Ichigo is just covering for me. We're going out. I like men."

Well that's a very neat way of summarising everything. There is no way she can't not understand what he has just said. But as I look at her anxiously, it's apparent the problem is _accepting_ said information, not _understanding_ it.

She opens her mouth, looking ready to start screaming or breathe fire.

"Mum," Grimmjow says quietly, before she can speak. "Nothing you can say or do will change my mind. This has been a long time coming; it's not an impulse, not a phase. It's who I am."

She positively glares at Grimmjow. Her eyes are narrowed and she seems to be scanning him with some sort of intense x-ray vision. She doesn't blink, she doesn't move, then-

"Oh well, at least I don't have to worry about you getting some poor teenage girl pregnant."

"Mum!"

"But it's true, Grimmbo, men can't have babies-"

"Mum!" Grimmjow suddenly goes scarlet and starts screaming at his mother to stop talking. Nel, Inoue and I slowly edge out of the room and sit on the sofa in the lounge, hands in our laps, heads bowed solemnly as world War III rages outside.

"-anal sex and lubricant-"

"Mum, _stop_-!"

"-foreskin-"

Of course we only hear the worst parts of the argument.

"-make sure the condom fits properly. If it's too big then-"

"_Mum_!"

"Grimmjow Jeagerjaques! Stop talking to me in that disrespective tone, this instant! Wash up my bowl and reflect upon your actions!"

We hear Grimmjow yell at his mother one last time and then the violent rattling of plates and a splash of water.

Grace enters the room looking bored.

"Hey sweetie, you got the button?" She asks, looking at me with a smile. "Can you put The Simpsons on? Tree House of Horror XIII tonight, I think."

**_Haha... How did I do? Do like her? I like her :) I also like the Simpsons._**


	19. Chapter 19

_Ok, sorry for the delay. Next chapter will be up soon. I've spent all week cleaning up the most monster house party of all time since my family went away and it seemed like a good idea. Invited 30 people 84 turned up. Haha. Thank God for laminate flooring! Thank God for mops and spare tin's of paint in the garage as well! HALLELUJAH! :)_

Right now is one of those rare moments where you pause and ask yourself – Where the fuck did all my common sense go?

Well, as it happens, I know exactly where my common sense has gone. It's taken a little holiday to Magaluf, never to return.

It's the middle of the night, possibly two or three in the morning and Grimmjow and I lie on his bed in a warm cocoon made from blankets and quilts. Grimm is lying on top of me between my legs; our shirts having vanished hours ago and my sweat pants cling to my sticky legs.

But, this isn't a problem. The problem is that it's Friday, we are going to be knackered tomorrow and Grimmjow's mum is only a few meters away in her bedroom. I decided to sleep over as we didn't stop watching TV or laughing at a sulking Grimmjow until late.

I feel like a bit of an idiot getting frisky with Grace's son whilst she is only a short distance from us. But, as I said a moment ago, my common sense has gone to Magaluf, so I guess I'm fucked.

We were listening to music earlier but we became distracted so now the headphones are digging into my back and I shift uncomfortably.

"You alright?" Grimmjow asks breathily. His voice is croaky and I feel his cheek slide against mine, slick with sweat, as he rests his head on my shoulder. I can't see a thing, the room is so dark.

"Yeah. The headphones are poking me in the ass. Hang on." I roll over slightly and I try to ignore the renewed swell of desire as our crotches are pushed together. I grab the wire and yank the headphones without delicacy, throwing them over the side of the bed onto the floor.

Grimmjow chuckles at me and slides down my body to rest his head on my warm stomach.

"Lucky headphones..."

I snort and slap his shoulder playfully. I pull the covers back and Grimmjow helps me kick them onto the floor, now on top of the headphones. We shiver as the cold air cools our sweaty skin.

It's been like this for hours; kiss, rut, eventual blowjob and release –apparently I'm quite good at it now- then we climb out of bed and just sit around and talk or get some food.

Grimmjow's hands slowly slide up my sides and tug on the elastic of my bottoms. I don't object and I lift my hips as he pulls them over my hips and down my legs. I'm still half hard from being kissed senseless earlier.

You know, kissing is quite gross, don't you think? Well the idea of it is, at least; sticking your tongue in someone else's mouth, swinging it around a bit, mixing body fluids and spit.

Nice.

But kissing Grimmjow is just amazing. Sometimes he tastes like coffee which is disgusting but then he bites my bottom lip gently and draws me in. I could spend a month just kissing him and never get bored.

I touch my lips with my hand tenderly, they feel swollen already. I hope they go down by tomorrow. I can't afford to wander around Grimmjow's house with Grace and Nel and even Inoue giving me knowing smirks.

But again, Grimmjow whisks me away with his tongue as he gently sweeps at my belly button, sinking down into my navel.

"Ah." I gasp into the darkness as his lips enclose me, his mouth hot and slippery.

I slink my hands into hair and sigh happily as he beings to move around me. It's so much more intense in the darkness; more mysterious, more arousing.

"Mmm..." I sigh a little louder. He really is too good at this.

"Grimm." I mutter his name quietly, bucking into his moist mouth. One hand goes to my balls and he rubs them gently and I feel my eyes roll back into my head. His other hand comes up quickly, restraining my hips from chocking him with my dick.

But the hand by my balls suddenly dips a little lower.

"Wha-" I croak suddenly, trying to sit up and look at him, but I can only see the outline of his body and two white pin pricks, as some light which creeps through the curtains, reflects off his eyes.

"Grimmjow-"

"Is this alright, yeah?" He asks me. His voice is low and husky, but his body is tense.

There is a long pause as I can't find the words and Grimm sits, as still as stone. But then, very slowly, his hand continues to venture lower and lower until I feel a warm finger press against my ass.

The sudden swell of nervousness and desire is unnerving.

But, I think quickly, this is _Grimmjow_.

"Yeah, don't stop." I rasp.

But his finger vanishes and my body feels oddly cold. I feel his weight shift on the bed as he leans across me and fumbles for a moment with his bedside table.

"Just gettin' some lube." He confirms. I can practically hear his smile and I feel myself release a breathy laugh. This is Grimmjow.

I swallow with some difficulty, confused at my sudden burst of emotion. Thank god for the darkness.

"You sure?" He whispers quietly.

"Mhmm." Is all I can say.

The finger reappears at my ass again, this time slick and wet. I feel his push against my opening. Will this really work? Will his fingers really fit in me? Will it hurt? Will it feel good?

Will it feel right?

I frantically search for something to grab onto, something to hold me down, something to stop me running away.

To my surprise I feel fingers link with my own; they're sticky and Grimmjow obviously went overboard with the lube, getting it on both hands. I make a noise half like a sob, half a laugh, but Grimmjow knows me well enough not to stop and make a fuss over it.

The pressure at my entrance peaks and suddenly I feel a finger sink into me slowly.

"Woah." I breathe out, forgetting my earlier anxiety. I don't feel bursts of pleasure or anything romantic like that but the fact that Grimm now has his finger up my ass turns me on in its own little dirty way.

The finger slips in and out then Grimm suddenly plunges it in to the knuckle and I groan, breathing heavily through my nose trying to relax the muscles in my butt.

"Jesus Christ." I hear him mutter. His voice sounds like it might crack.

Then his finger halts and he slides his dark, shadowy form up my body to kiss me, his finger still inside me. I pucker my lips to meet his, but he kisses my cheek instead. Then my eye lids, then my nose, then my forehead, then my chin and hair and ears. I exhale heavily, trying to brace myself against his shower of kisses. Then he captures my lips and bites and sucks and kisses me so hard my head is pushed back into the pillow and I can't breathe.

We break apart and the air between us is hot and charged and I am most defiantly turned on; I feel Grimmjow's insistent erection against my hip as well.

He shifts his weight and slides back down my body to resume his earlier position between my legs.

After a few brief seconds of wet sloppy noises another finger joins the first.

"Nnn..." I hate to say I'm mewling but... Uh, where the fuck has my masculinity gone? Oh Christ, who cares? This feels amazing... Not in the way I thought it might, but to be honest I wasn't sure what I was expecting.

I've read about anal and stuff and people on websites kept mentioned this amazing spot hidden up your ass that makes you see stars so I guess I thought it was going to be one giant orgasm, but this is better.

I think I'm a little bit dirty because I'm just enjoying the feeling of Grimmjow's fingers invading an entirely secret and uncharted path. Does that make sense? And the noises are warming my blood, too. My own happy sighs and the torturously slow kindling of heat down my spine, but also Grimmjow seems to be in his own little word, enjoying himself beyond comprehension. If we weren't in this situation I would most definitely be laughing at him right now.

All I can hear through the darkness, other than the ridiculously alluring wet slap of his fingers in me, are Grimmjow curses and dark mutterings to himself.

"Jesus fucking Christ, its so god damned tight... and those noises he's making – does he want me to rape him?"

I feel a bubble of laughter swell up inside me and I stifle it with my hand. Grimmjow doesn't appear to be fazed at all; instead, he reaches up for another tasty kiss.

The fingers move again, in, out, around. A third finger joins the others and I groan, perhaps a little too loudly, twisting my head to bury it in the pillow. Grimm's hand stays there for ages, stretching me, opening me up, moving around inside me.

I feel sleepy. My eyelids flicker closed and Grimmjow's ministrations continue. It feels good.

Suddenly I'm spasm-ing. My legs trembles and my cock twitches. Oh shit, I'm rock hard. I didn't even realise just how turned on I was. It's his fingers, I realise, as I spasm again.

"G-" Spasm. "G-Grimm." Spasm. "Ahh!" Spasm.

Oh Christ, has he found that spot? But, judging by what happens next, it is apparent that Grimmjow was only brushing against the blessed bundle of nerves until now, because then he full on stabs it with his fingers and my orgasm is so sudden that I don't even have time to brace myself before I come with a tremendous shiver.

I can't get air into my lungs fast enough. My chest is heaving, and my fingers have no grip left in them.

Suddenly there is the jingle of a ringtone.

"Shit." Grimmjow hisses. The fingers slide out of my body and I am left feeling exposed and a little sore. I feel the sudden loss of his heat and weight on the bed as I hear him stagger across the room. The lights flick on and as soon as I can see my surroundings, it's like the bubble has burst. Grimmjow spots his phone on his desk and flips it open.

"Who the fuck is this?" He snaps, angrily. Give the phone to me, I'll tell them where to go.

"Yammy?" He says, the anger slipping off his face in surprise, but then after I hear Yammy blab something down the phone Grimmjow starts to scowl again.

"That's not an excuse! It's the middle of the night, we're right in the middle of-" But he stops, goes red and rephrases. "I was asleep." He finishes lamely.

"No!" He suddenly yells at the phone, looking embarrassed and horrified. "Goodnight asshole." He spits before hanging up and throwing his phone onto the desk again.

"What did Yammy want?" I ask.

"Nothing," Grimmjow says angrily, looking very uncomfortable with an achingly hard boner poking a tent in the front of his boxers. "He said he leant on his phone and rung me by accident. He used to do it all the time, he knows it pisses me off..."

Grimmjow continues to growl darkly, but I suddenly don't feel so great anymore. In fact the light of the room has made me feel embarrassed by my current state; legs spread, skin pink, hickeys all over my pelvis and lube smeared absolutely everywhere.

I tuck my legs under my chin and pick at the blankets. After a few seconds Grimmjow catches onto my obvious discomfort.

"C'mere." he gestures his hand. I pause for a moment, I don't really want to get up and walk with a slimy ass but Grimmjow grins and leans against the desk languidly, his dick sticking out against the fabric of his boxers.

I lick my lips unconsciously. Honestly, the sex appeal of this man is a weapon of mass destruction.

I stand uneasily, wincing at the wet noise my body makes as I do so.

But Grimmjow strides across the room and saves me the embarrassment, pushing up against my naked body, his heat and arousal turning me on all over again. He kisses me hotly, his tongue diving right into my mouth and I moan as his hand grips my ass.

I suddenly realise how sensitive I am after an orgasm; the likes of which I am still trembling from.

So, wait a second, I think slowly, as Grimmjow rips the sticky blankets off the bed and throws them onto the floor in a corner, we've gotten through the difficult bit now; we could have sex if we wanted.

"You want a shower or something?" Grimm asks, as he pulls out more blankets from his cupboard. I don't respond.

How exactly am I supposed to go about doing this? Do I seduce him? I'm already standing here naked, covered in lube which, now I smell it, has an aroma of strawberries. Isn't this enough? What happened to his boner a minute ago? Weren't we kissing frantically, rearing up for round two?

Maybe he's tired. It is late; this might not be the best time. I should shower and just sleep it off.

But I don't want to. It feels wrong to stop.

"D-do you want to have sex?" I blurt out stupidly.

Grimmjow stops, putting down the blankets he was fussing too much over, to look at me.

"Yeah," He rasps, the horniness from 30 seconds ago resurfacing. He looks hungry. "Err, but-" He seems to realise what he has just said and goes very pink. "W-we don't have to. It's not like I'm gonna force you or anything-"

"Do you honestly think," I cut across, half angry, half frantic to reassure him that I want him to fuck me. "that you could _force_ me too? No one is going to make me do anything I don't want to. Sorry to break this to you Grimm, but that goes the same for you as well. So if I really didn't want to have sex then I wouldn't be here right now arguing about it with you-"

Then my frustration fizzles out in the blink of an eye and I realise from Grimmjow's wicked smirk that tonight is the night I've been dreaming of ever since I first met him.

_Ho ho ho! Aren't I mean? :DD_


	20. Chapter 20

**_Ho ho ho! I got some very angry messages about that cliffy... Bordering abusive! I'm hurt! Here's your fudging sex scene, now smother me with love! :D_**

**_As a side note, this is VERY graphic and since no one knows me, I feel safe to say that this is very personal to me and I put a lot of feeling into it._**

**_I hope you sincerely enjoy it :)_**

Between the ages of about 13 and 17 people conjure up fantasies and scenarios of what they believe sex to be like. The only problem is that is all they are; make-believe ideas which are hardly realistic. We spend years dwelling and thinking about it, giving it far too much credit than it really deserves, then when the time comes to do the deed, we are crushed and disappointed because actually – it wasn't very good.

For example, I always thought I'd do it with a girl.

I don't really need to expand, here do I?

When I was younger I always liked the idea of losing my virginity in a field. No reason or rhyme for this, I just thought it was sort of kinky. As I got older I realised that sex is very different from porn and it was highly doubtful that I would ever shag in a field for various reasons.

Mud, the weather, farmers with guns, stray cattle. That sort of thing.

Then you get to about 16 and all your friends slowly start to pop it and you worry and fret and lose all self-confidence. Or so Tatsuki told me last year; she got so depressed about it because some of her friends were getting laid and she's never even had a boyfriend.

But really, I asked her, are your friends any better off? Big deal, they are having sex, no one our age can even orgasm properly and since we all think we're better than condoms, we don't wear them.

Hello, Chlamydia.

But, right now, Chlamydia is the last thing on my mind and I realise, with much disdain, that I've always been a bit of a pessimist.

Grimmjow is kissing me with a new kind of hunger and our bodies are pressed together so tightly I can't tell where I end and he begins.

"_No one is going to make me do anything I don't want to. Sorry to break this to you Grimm, but that goes the same for you as well. So if I really didn't want to have sex then I wouldn't be here right now arguing about it with you."_

As soon as I had finished speaking there were a few seconds of sexually charged silence then Grimmjow swiftly stepped out of his boxers and lead me over to the bed. I lay down naked and he settled himself on top of me.

Before he kissed me I cringed inwardly. People always say go with the flow. So what do I do? I outright ask him and make myself look like a dick. Now things are going to be awkward...

I feel a leap of terror; what if I'm not a good shag?

But as he leans down to kiss me, a devilish grin spread across his face, I instantly relax. It's odd how his shit eating smirks always calms me down, especially as I think he does it to make me nervous. It's just Grimmjow messing around. It's just Grimmjow. He'll take good care of me.

So as he kisses me, hot and heavily, a hand of his creeping into my hair and tugging gently, I kiss him back. I might be a blushing virgin et cetera, but that doesn't mean I can't dish out a good hearty smooch.

I can hear my heart in my ears, pumping blood to my gasping lungs and straining cock. Grimmjow's body glows with a different kind of heat than usual. It's like the air around us is aware of what we are about to do. My skin tingles with anticipation.

It's just sex. It's just sex...

I feel another swell of nervousness.

It's not just sex, though, is it? It's making love.

I focus on trying to kiss Grimmjow as best I can, ignoring how erotic the words 'To Make Love' sound.

It's that fucking 'L' word again...

I feel a hot hand slink lazily down the side of my ribcage and past my hip.

"Lift your butt up a bit." Grimmjow huffs, unromantically, effectively distracting me from further thought.

"Right." I chuckle, half amused, half annoyed. He licks my ear in apology. I can practically hear his wolfish grin.

I push off the bed with my feet, resting on my elbows and forearms. Our crotches are flushed together and I groan, my head flopping backwards, exposing my neck which Grimmjow takes full advantage of.

Then I hear a wet sloppy pop and I feel his fingers in me for the second time today, but this time he plunges two straight into me. I groan as the dull throb of pain and sudden invasion make my dick pound happily between our bodies. As he pushes further into me, my toes begin to curl into the blankets and I become aware of a problem.

"Grimm," I rasp quickly. "I can't hold this position forever. My legs are gonna give out." Its only as I say it do I realise how badly my arms and legs are trembling. I'm holding my entire body weight off the mattress and the added pressure of an impending orgasm is making me feel weak at the knees.

"R-right, right. Umm..." He pulls out of my gently and glances around the room hastily, looking for something which, I'm assuming, will help us out. I mean what do we do now? We could put a pillow under my back, maybe...

But Grimmjow has other ideas.

He slides off the bed and sits cross-legged on the floor.

"C'mere, Ichigo. Kneel here and rest your arms on the bed." Oh, like Im saying a prayer or something. Feeling like I will never look at praying before bedtime in an innocent light again, I sit on the floor with my legs underneath me, my hands bracing the side of the bed, looking at Grimmjow expectantly.

"Go one then." He says, holding down a laugh. "Stick your butt out."

I spin my head away from him to hide my mortification.

WHAT?

Just what kind of position is this?

Oh, wait, doggy style, I guess.

I admit I'm too afraid to lift my ass. It's embarrassing enough that Grimmjow has just said it, but now I actually have to do it?

Uhhh... I bury my head in the blankets of the bed.

"Sorry." Suddenly Grimmjow's voice is right by my ear and I shiver as his hot breath tickles me. "I'm a virgin with this too. Maybe this way is better."

I feel his hands on either side of my hips and he lifts up my butt, guiding it towards him. He's on his knees now and I feel the sharp intake of breath as his cock presses against my wet ass.

He presses his stomach against my back and his hand reaches for the lube and condom that sit near my elbow on the bed. Then his dick is gone and I hear the wet noise of the condom being pulled on. Grimmjow groans quietly.

The next sensations I register are two hands on either of my butt cheeks that slowly prise me open even more. I'm face down, embarrassed and sticky when I feel the pressure against my butt again. But this time, it's hotter and my heart is thrumming like the wings of a humming bird in my chest; I think it might crack my ribs.

Grimmjow grunts and suddenly there is something very blunt and very solid forcing its way into my body, inch by inch.

_Ow._

Really though, what was I expecting. This is anal, after all, not a fucking walk in the fucking park.

"Fucking hell." I gasp. It hurts, and it won't stop hurting. I bear down on the sheets with my fists willing myself not to clench my ass because I could well rip Grimmjow's dick off.

Then he stops and it aches so much; maybe there's a reason men shouldn't do this.

I feel the life slip away from my dick. This isn't any fun at all.

I feel Grimmjow lean over me again and he flushes against my back.

"Ichigo..." His voice is deep and breathless. It sounds like he's pleading. "Oh, Ichigo." He whispers. One of his hands stays on my ass cheek, holding me open; the other travels up my body, past my hip, my chest, a taunt nipple, up across my shoulder, down my arm until it reaches my hand. His fingers are trembling violently and he fumbles desperately for a moment trying to steady himself enough so he can link our fingers together.

I look at our joined hands and I know I haven't ever seen anything that looks more _right_.

We fit together.

"Move." I command. We've come this far. I'm a big boy; I can take it.

Grimmjow pushes into me; as deep as he can go. I gasp heavily and check my lungs still work. I feel full and stretched and, yes it hurts, but that's just life.

Besides, there's that naughty little part of me that is getting severely turned on.

Grimmjow's hand that was holding me open suddenly claws around my waist and pulls my closer against him.

He sets a pace, pulling out slowly, but not all the way, then sinking back into me with a sharp flex of the hips.

I feel a deep shiver creep upon me.

I watch the goosebumps spread like fire across my skin. My arousal begins to build as his grip around me tightens, his groans rise in volume and his cock impales my ass with a growing urgency.

Did I mention the noise? The rapid _slap_ of his balls hitting my butt? Well, there's that too.

Spasm.

"_Oh."_

I feel my knees quiver; good thing Grimm is holding me up. He's found that blessed bundle of nerves from the feel of things.

"Shit, Ichigo..." Grimmjow clenches me closer, his body shivering and radiating heat.

I look down at my cock to see it standing up ramrod straight, bobbing with my every heartbeat.

Grimmjow pulls back even slower and then lurches forwards, crushing me against the side of the bed. I don't mind though.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..." He gasps and then the pace is forgotten as he comes violently. I think his breath has burnt a hole in the back of my neck and I feel teeth marks there as he bites down to stop himself from shouting.

"Uhh..."

He sighs and goes totally limp, squashing me against the bed frame again. But I just lie there, squished, uncomfortably hard but satisfied at the same time.

It's over. My virginity is gone.

People say sex is over rated. What the _fuck_ was over rated about that?

My mind is reeling, I can't see straight, my heart is still buzzing in my ears and my hands tremble.

"Fucking hell." Grimmjow croaks behind me, trying to keep his voice even but failing terribly.

"Yeah." Is all I can say.

Grimmjow slips out of me with another wet pop and I feel lubricant and body fluids roll down the insides of my legs.

Sex, I have decided, is highly unsanitary and unhygienic. But very worth it.

I want a shower but I can't move properly. I just about managed to crawl into bed. Grimmjow follows me, staggering heavily and clearly still unbalanced. He has a sleepy grin which splits his face in two. We lie there; he wraps his arms around me. I ignore my boner and it goes away. I don't really mind. After all, from today onwards, I am going to be enjoying a healthy sex life. There will be other occasions.

I close my eyes and feel sleep tug at my eyelids. But Grimmjow's hand comes from nowhere and I feel his thumb trace my lips before he kisses me chastely.

He doesn't pressure me to say it; there's no particularly special moment of realisation because, actually, the words Grimmjow wants to hear have been here all along, right on the tip of my tongue.

"I love you."

There, I've said it.

But it's not just saying it. It's realising it. It's _meaning_ it.

Grimmjow's lips curve into something that looks like a smile. I say 'looks like' because it so bright and so wide, but a smile is what it resembles most. He brings a hand up to my face and it just sits on my cheek.

"You know I love you too?" Grimm asks. He won't stop grinning; he's such a cocky bastard.

"I know." I tell him. "You're not very subtle."

Then I can't stop my own grin as he bursts out laughing.

_**Is this better? Wait - No, I dont care. Haha. I'm not doing it again :P**_


	21. Chapter 21

_Thanks to (in no particular order, haha) – __**miszxbrii**__ (haha, 'what the fu fu?'), __**Artemis and Kimba, hehehehehohoProductions0, KrazyKyuubi**__ (you really did cheer me up :)), BonneNuit__**, roxybeloved, Racey, Pens ink, **__**sethadmirer**__ (marry me, yeah? :D), __**piratequeen24, seikoxxx**__ (you're a wonderful person), __**cy-grl, The Petulant Prodigy**__ (GAH, ok I'll write this is and you keep pumping stuff like 'Tear it Up' out, ok? :D), __**Dark-Angels-calling**__ (You are probably the most understanding person I've met in a while and I appreciate it), __**HeyxDiddlexDiddle, Amywilleat-you, treee**__ (BABE), __**Glamzuki, Sunshineeeexoxo, SakaSandora, Sakurako Minase, pantteri, kurosaki, isamu-michi, eatteresa, ladywolfinmt, Aikawa Akihiko, Aniki, Dana Abarai, seximonki **__(your 3 points were very powerful , thank you), __**Carabel, Ichiberry, little-kiwi-boi, DarkNekoHime-Chan, selune**__ (you gave off a really cool vibe ;)), __**Leirative, namashe, Isabelle-Artemis-San, InAllnightmares, Tobi-Uchiha**__ (thank you, you seem to be a really kind person :)), __**Comatose Overdose, LawliJag, Dream7, Enaid Aderyn, crcngncrsh66, xTKx, hydrochloric, lemonlimediddies, Mistress Penelopye, vanity-issues, lover-of-light, ShadowsArch, Leirative, sadisticskittels, Qualyn, randomer, Purplechicken21, Cat Streaked By Rain, blackcherry21, Through Darkness and Light**__ (Ohh man that's so freaking cool! I want to go so badly but I can't even afford to buy hair spray atm... so, yeah, it's still a dream :3), __**Renix05 **__and__** harmless sword.**_

_I just wanted to offer a thank you to everyone who has supported me and helped me better myself and this story. So... Let us begin where we last left off! ;)_

_This chapter is un-beta'd! _

I jolt awake a few hours later.

I barely register that it's still pretty dark outside before something warm and soft and deep swallows up my cock.

"Ahhhh..." I suck in a trembling sigh as I realise I'm getting a blowjob.

I hear Grimmjow chuckle, the noise and vibrations of his voice box doing an absolute number on me.

He pulls away with a wet pop.

"Mornin'." He sounds like usual, he smells like usual, hell, he even gives cracking blow jobs like usual; but as I look down between my legs at him his mouth is curved into a smile and my stomach does a little back flip.

I try to smile back at him but apparently ignoring my boner earlier wasn't the smartest of plans.

"D-don't stop." I gasp out. It seems in more desperate that I thought.

After another few seconds of sucking and lapping up my pre-come, Grimmjow's finger gains a mind of its own and begins to creep downwards towards my ass again.

I moan as he invades me for a second time. Jesus Christ. From now on, every time his hands go near my butt, how am I supposed to stop myself from getting hard? It's like he doesn't even have to do anything except stick a finger in me and I'm away with the fairy's.

Suddenly my head hits the mattress and I gasp in surprise as my pillow is pulled from under my head.

"What-?"

But Grimmjow is chuckling quietly as he stuffs the pillow under my bum without finesse.

I don't quite know why, but I begin to laugh as well. This is just too freaking awesome. Everything just begins to bubble over and as our lips come together for a wet kiss, I try to focus on kissing rather than grinning like a moron.

"You wanna take a ride on my disco stick, Ichigo?" Grimmjow beams at me, before groaning quietly as his dick rubs against my ass; I full on burst out laughing.

"Suuure!" I snort, before chortling against his neck.

Grimmjow takes my half-joking reply as an 'eager' response so he flexes his hips forwards sharply.

What surprises me is that it still hurts; I feel stretched to breaking point. But what surprises me even more is that I am holding onto Grimmjow with a fierce grip and, effectively, pulling him deeper into me.

"Fucking... _Ow_. Be more gentle, that's my god-damned _ass_ your trying to fuck!" I blurt out suddenly, not thinking.

Grimmjow goes rigid.

"Sorry, sorry..." His smirk vanishes and he leans in to kiss my temple. "Here..." He pulls back to a sitting position and places his hands on either of my hips. He pulls out gently and whacks on some more lube.

Woah. This is the first time I've seen his face whilst we've had sex. His eyes are on fire. I know that seems like a pretty lame thing to say but I can actually feel the heat coming off him and its making my thighs tremble as I wait for him to enter me again.

I swallow heavily watching his smother his dick in lubricant.

I notice there are bruises beginning to emerge around his groin. I haven't had time to inspect myself yet; I've been on some sort of adrenaline rush all night, so I guess it will hit me pretty hard later.

I glance up at his face as he strokes himself and I realise he's watching me as he does so.

_Christ_.

His skin pink and blotchy, his hair sweaty and dishevelled; never before has Grimmjow looked so ravaged.

Suddenly feeling bold, I spit on my hand, reach for my own prick, which is now as hard and as heavy as a rock, and begin to tug on it frantically.

"Oi, oi" He rasps, leaning over me suddenly and pulling my hand away. He grasps my cock firmly in his hand and angles his face towards my own before kissing me with aphrodisia.

Ahh man, I'm melting like that wicked witch from The Wizard of Oz. There's smoke and everything.

"Only I'm allowed to do that..."

Then he releases me and his hand slides up my body to thread with my fingers.

He fumbles for a moment as I try to breath properly before sinking into me slowly but firmly.

"So much better." I mutter disjointedly. "There's no need to rush..."

He drives into me, and then out again; in, then out. Oh Jesus. It's slow and heavy and _really, really good_. It doesn't hurt, it doesn't burn; I don't even know anymore... It just feels _amazing_.

"Mmmm." I roll my head against the now-damp mattress and I feel something heavy and spine bending creep upon me.

My impending orgasm, I realise.

"Oh." I groan and squirm and my heart thunders in anticipation. Meanwhile Grimmjow has me in an iron hold and is continuing to fuck me. Sweat collects along his hairline and across his chest. As I chance a glance up at him I try very hard to not have a heart attack. I'm already being penetrated by his dick and all but his eye feel like they are piercing me as well.

I can't look away, I cant even blink, so unexplainable tears begin to manifest.

He quirks his lips at me in an exhausted smile, before gripping my hips even tighter and quickening his pace.

"_Ahh_... Fuck, _fuck_!"

He exhales with every thrust and I realise that I'm flexing my hips instinctively to meet with his own.

"F-fuck..." I gasp. Then Grimmjow starts trembling and groaning, pressing into me with all his strength.

I don't think I can actually take anymore.

Suddenly a harsh, inarticulate cry rips through the air and I watch Grimmjow as he comes. His eyebrows knit together and his mouth opens as he cries out, a bead of sweat dripping from his forehead and down his nose, before dripping to land on my belly.

_Ah._

My orgasm claws at my spine making me arch and shiver. I feel Grimm's semen fill up my ass and his hand creeps to my weeping cock. He is almost violent with me, but it's what I need right this second. He pushes his thumb into the tip and my come springs forth, caking his hand and chest with jizz.

I feel my eyesight flicker – am I gonna pass out?

I just about make out Grimmjow's toothy grin as he stares down at me.

I try to laugh. He won't ever change, will he?

"You alright?" He smirks at me, I probably look like a wreck. I know I sure as hell feel like one. I just won't stop trembling and my hands don't seem to have any grip left in them. I flop still, totally boneless and numb. I feel a sore ache spread from my ass. After a few sharp breaths my entire body begins to ache.

I register Grimmjow's dick pulling out from my body and I suddenly remember we were never one being in the first place. I feel so stretched and so open, still, that I doubt I'll never really feel right until we have sex again.

All of a sudden there is a huge growl.

I burst out laughing.

"Hungry?" I ask through my sniggering, smirking at Grimmjow's embarrassed little smile.

"Yeah... For you!" He suddenly jumps at me, swinging a leg over my hips, then sitting on them. His hands land either side of my head and he lowers his head to kiss me but his weight is sort of painful...

I hiss as my pelvis throbs painfully.

Grimmjow is off me in a heartbeat, asking me where it hurts, what he can do to help.

I love Grimm to bits but he is a little oblivious to how much pain I'm in right now.

"Y-you go make some breakfast. I'll go take a bath." I try to grin reassuring at him. It's not that I regret it or anything, not even in the slightest, but... I can't really explain it. I just feel irritated. My butt is killing me and I don't even want to look at myself for fear I've broken a bone or ripped something vital... and Grimmjow is there bouncing around with all that energy.

He somehow understands without being offended and kisses me deeply once more before throwing a shirt and some clean boxers on and exiting to the kitchen. I swing my legs around off the bed and wince as my ass squelches loudly.

"Fuck."

As I stand I realise what a beating my body has taken. I smooth a hand over my bum and it feels red and raw and... I'm not going to be shitting properly for a while.

I sigh, but smile as I remember... well everything really. The whole night has been amazing.

I walk awkwardly towards the en-suit and flick the shower on. I'll rinse first and then bathe.

As I turn, I catch my reflection in the mirror. I nearly laugh at myself. My skin is either beginning to bruise, rubbed raw, clawed or bitten; and my expression. I grin back at myself.

I looked nice and _fucked_.

Yes I'm in pain as I walk home a few hours later, but a hot bath did help. I can now walk normally after practising in Grimm's hallway. The limp is barely noticeable.

At breakfast Grace leaped into the kitchen and skipped around the table saying she just had the best night's sleep she's had in ages. Grimm winks at me and I feel a sigh of relief; Grace didn't hear a thing.

But when Grimmjow goes to shower as I eat my sausages, she tries to get me to dance with her to the radio. When I politely refuse it looks as if, for a moment, that she is laughing at me.

I try to ignore it.

I'm paranoid, that all.

But then Nel is up and totally normal except for when I pass her the jug of milk and she suddenly flinches and throws cereal everywhere. Fuck, then I have to bend to help pick it up. I swear I hear Grace actually stifle a giggle.

Later I realise that Nel must have seen the hickeys on my forearm (no joke, they are _everywhere_) and freaked out.

So much for being subtle, I guess.

But I didn't fly off the wall and have a hissy fit like I did when Nel found me and Grimm naked together in the bathtub.

It's just... I dunno.

I feel like I understand things better, maybe? I don't think it's sex itself which has done this to me. More the fact that I had it with a person who I love-

I freeze, mid action.

I am currently stood at the checkout of the convenience store on my way home from Grimm's. I fancied something caked in sugar.

But really... _Love?_

That sounds nice and intimidating.

I leave more than enough money on the counter and fly from the shop before the poor old woman behind the till can even give me my change. I power walk through town, the fact that I had my ass nailed twice in one day totally forgotten. I slow down and stop when I realise that nothing is chasing me. What am I running from anyway? If I remember correctly I've already said it.

"_I love you." _

I blink suddenly as I realise I'm stood on the bank from where mum slipped from.

Don't worry it's not that depressing. This spot is right in the middle of town so it'd be pretty difficult for me to avoid it unless we moved away. Since we didn't, I faced my fears years ago and this spot doesn't really hold much resentment from me anymore.

I sit on the grass at the top of the slope.

So it's _Love_, huh?

Well doesn't that sound intimidating?

Don't people fall in love when they are older? Isn't that how it happens?

My dad told my sister Yuzu (after she broke up with her first ever boyfriend when she was 11), that we aren't going to meet our husbands and wives until we are ready to meet them. The love for people we go out with now will never compare to the people we are going to marry and spend the rest of our lives with.

Of course this thought can make you think, 'Well in 17, so what's the point in even trying to get a girlfriend/boyfriend?' Or it can put things in prospective for you and chill you out a bit.

But... what if I've met my soul mate, even when I wasn't ready to? What if I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with Grimmjow?

However, having said that, I still can't see myself growing old with him. It just doesn't seem possible. And what would an older Grimmjow even look like? God knows.

In conclusion, I'm in love with Grimmjow, he might be my soul mate, but it won't last. We won't grow old together because we just won't. We'll kill each other if we have to spend the next 70 years together. I'd murder him if I'd have to live with the mess he makes and Grimmjow would... he would... He'd get sick of me.

I just can't _see_ it. You know, in my 'mind's eye' sort of thing.

I realise Loving someone isn't the traumatising bit, it's the putting your happiness in their hands bit which is scary as hell.

"Are you ok, kid?"

"Huh?" I glace up and a guy, probably in his early twenties, with soft looking brown hair and a genuine look of concern, is studying me through black rimmed glasses.

"Y-yeah. I'm cool." I mutter stupidly.

"Oh ok. I was just checking. You were sat here this afternoon and now it's-" He pulls back his sleeve and examines his watch. "A quarter past seven-"

"Shit, are you kidding me?" I spring to my feet, but the hard ground hasn't done anything for my sore ass so I stagger forwards.

Suddenly a hand whips out and grabs my upper arm with fierce strength. It drags me away from the edge of the slope and holds me upright. I look up into milky brown eyes, slightly taken aback.

"I'm fine." I speak a little too quickly.

This strangers grip on my arm is unnervingly tight.


	22. HELLO

HELLO!

I'm back! :D Sorry I've neglected you all for so long but it's been so hard to get through this funk. Not to mention I have a cold. D:

Basically I need you to re-read Bert and Ernie from the beginning because I've re-written parts of it.

Haha.

Do you hate me?

I'm sorry but it had to be done. I was beginning to struggle writing because I had to keep re-reading over old chapters to help me move the story along and what I was reading was a load of shit. I'm not really a particularly fussy person but - HAHA! - some of the crap I wrote was just so freaking awful! So it had to go. I hope you read it and I hope it makes sense.

If it doesn't... FUCK MY LIFE!

So yeah, let's all hope and pray it does. Hahaha.

Many thanks for being so patient and so wonderful. I love each and every one of yeh! :D


	23. Chapter 22

_**Sorry for the wait! Thank you all for being so patient. This chapter is nice and long so enjoy! :D Excuse the spelling mistakes its all un-beta'd... unless YOU want to help me out? ;) Let me know, folks. You gotta be speedy. Like Speedy Gonzales. AHOY! :D**_

_Suddenly a hand whips out and grabs my upper arm with fierce strength. It drags me away from the edge of the slope and holds me upright. I look up into milky brown eyes, slightly taken aback._

"_I'm fine." I speak a little too quickly. _

_This strangers grip on my arm is unnervingly tight. _

Perhaps he sees something in my expression because he releases me instantly.

"Oh I'm sorry!" He exclaims, letting go of me and taking a step back. He looks a little embarrassed. "But look," He gestures down the slope. "It would have been a long drop if you had fallen." I glance down, suddenly feeling nauseous and grateful.

"Thanks." I mutter.

"Sorry, but are you _sure_ your alright? I mean I walked past here this afternoon and your still here now. It just didn't look like you had moved all day." He leans in slightly as if to inspect me and I realise he is actually quite an attractive man beneath his thick glasses and shaggy brown hair.

But then I realise what he has just said.

"All _day_?" Shit, what the fuck is wrong with me?

"Do you want me to call someone to come pick you up?" The man asks kindly, offering me a sympathetic smile.

I don't move, the clogs in my head are trying to process where the time has gone.

"Errr..." This poor guy, he was obviously only trying to help, and here I am acting like a retard. Just answer this guys question so you can go home already, Ichigo!

"Urm, no, no it's fine. I can walk."

"Ah, of course. If you're sure." He smiles at me again and I grin back. But for some odd reason the hairs on my arms stand on end. This guys smiles a little too much.

"Ok then, well good luck on your way home." He laughs as if he's made a joke and I laugh to because I think I'm supposed to.

"Right. Yeah. Thanks for everything." I finish awkwardly, shoving my hands in my pockets and scuffing the pavement with my shoe.

"See you round, Ichigo." The man smiles at me one last time before turning and walking away.

"Sure. Bye."

I head home and when I step through the front door my sisters berate me for being home so late – and can we please get an Indian now?

Dad's working a late shift tonight so we usually get takeout.

"Ichig-nii, there's a lasagne I made for you to take to Renji and Ruki's after, if you don't mind. Their oven's broken so I expect they're gagging for a hot meal."

"Yeah, yeah." I mutter distractedly, trying to ring the Indian at the same time.

But I find the lasagne in the oven a few hours later and, although I don't really want to take it round to Rukia and Renji's because it's late an they'll yell at me, I decide late lasagne is better than no lasagne.

It only take a few minutes to walk to Rukia and Renji's small, one bedroom flat; by the time I reach their front door the lasagne is still piping hot.

But just as I raise my fist to knock, I notice a crack of light seeping through the doorway, into the dark hallway were I am stood with my lasagne. Their front door is open? That's weird. With Rukia being a super secret agent or whatever, I would have thought she'd be major paranoid about safety in the home and all that rubbish.

I decide I will just walk straight in then, but as I go to push open the door, I hear raised voices.

"Fucking tell me then, how many fucking years have we been fucking trying?"

"Stop _swearing!"_

"Well then, answer me!"

"Renji, please sit down-!"

"NO! I DONT FUCKING WANT TO!"

Renji is _screaming_? What the hell is going on? I push the door open about a centimetre. I spot Renji; his hair is scraped back into a long red plat and his face is pink from anger and yelling so much. He looks like he has tears in his eyes.

He takes a deep shuddering breath and crouches down in front of Rukia, who is sat at the kitchen table. He takes her hand and squeezes it in his own. Her face looks pained and her eyes are swimming as well.

"What's the point of it all, Rukia?" Renji begins, in a much calmer voice than he was using before. "We try so hard to start a family and now you're pregnant, you want me to keep it a secret so you can stick with this case? I don't fucking think so, sweetheart."

"No, don't say it like that!" Her watery eyes widen in shock and a few tears escape. "I want a family with you, honest to god. And do you have any idea how happy I am to carry your baby?" Suddenly a harsh sob burst from her chest. "But I know I only need a few weeks. I'm literally a step away from putting Aizen away for good! I'm not going to be diving in front of guns or anything stupid, I'm just asking for more _time_!"

"More time..." Renji mutters, shaking his head sadly and pulling a trembling Rukia against his chest. "More time... What anyone wouldn't give for some more fucking time."

I am still stood in the hallway with my lukewarm lasagne.

I step back, swaying slightly. That's a lot of info to process.

Wait a second.

Rukia's trying to arrest Aizen. She's a breath away from doing it. Does that mean he's in town? As in, _local._

His 'holiday' abroad was obviously cut short. Or maybe those rumours were bullshit from the beginning.

I feel a swell of fear grip me for the first time. Where is he right now? And what's he doing that would want him arrested again?

I am kind of afraid, as I ought to be really, but there's something else which is just too distracting to ignore right now.

Rukia's having a baby? She's trying to arrest Aizen, _as well_? My god, she's dumb.

But I feel my heart go out for her. The peace of mind that she would create if Aizen was arrested... Well it would probably change this town.

So, should she put Karakura first, or her unborn baby?

Crap, that's a tough one.

Well of course anyone would favour a baby but the guilt... If Aizen came back and did something terrible again and it was my fault, I dont know if I could live with myself. Not to mention Rukia's job is her life. She absolutely loves it.

But a _baby_?

I didn't think Renji and Rukia were even married, let alone wanted kids.

"_Fucking tell me then, how many fucking years have we been fucking trying?"_

However it's clearly something that they want very much.

Shit, that just makes the whole decision even tougher.

Slapping on an arrogant smirk and sauntering into their flat with (cold) lasagne would probably not be of any comfort to them right now. I decide to go home. I'll just tell Yuzu no one answered the door - we can eat the lasagne tomorrow.

I begin the short walk home. It's a fairly cold night but I've always had a super warm core temperature so it doesn't bother me too much.

A baby.

Hmm. They're alright, I suppose.

I always assumed I'd have kids and stuff, but what about now I'm with Grimm. Will we ever want kids? Will we even last long enough to reach that point?

And what do you even do with babies? They eat all the food and then either poop it all out in the form of a toxic mass, or sick it up all over you.

The moon is shaped like a Cheshire cat's grin and I pause to take a moment to look up at the sky and admire the vastness of it.

I imagine Grimmjow holding a newborn baby.

He'd be close to shitting himself with nervousness and awe. He'd try cooing it and gently bouncing it on his knee and he'd kiss its fluffy little head. We'd probably never have sex again because all we would do is worry. One of us might have to be a full time parent. We'd teach our baby how to write a read and spell and I'd tell it all about dinosaurs and that would be our special little bond we'd share. Grimmjow would entertain the baby in the kitchen, showing it how to cook pasta and cake mix and how _not_ to create a black hole in the microwave. I'd tell the baby everything about myself, and how much I love Grimm. I'd take the baby to school and then Grimm would take it to a football game and probably end up in the pub, showing off his kid. He'd be a stereotypical fun loving dad; a little odder than the rest, maybe. I'd teach the baby about science and smart things to fill its smart little head. Grimmjow would read to the baby before bedtime...

I blink.

"Err... You coming in, Ichigo?"

"W-w-what?"

Grimmjow cracks me a smug grin.

"Could'nt stay away, huh? Had to come back for more?"

"Fuck off." I mutter with an embarrassed glare. I hand him the lasagne and begin to take my shoes off.

God knows how I ended up here. Maybe I subconsciously decided to start walking mid day-dream.

I feel my gut drop.

It was just a silly daydream. Everyone has little fantasies like that. They're only there to pass the time; nothing else.

Besides like I said earlier, will we even last long enough to reach that point?

I shake my head silently. I still can't quite see an aged Grimmjow smiling back at an aged version of myself.

Jesus Christ, what a day.

I should probabaly tell Grimm about what I heard earlier, outside Renji and Rukia's apartment. I head into the warm kitchen where Grimmjow is stood at the sink washing up plates. He's wearing some old blue boxers and a baggy grey shirt.

Despite everything that I've been through today, I still think this man should be arrest for possessing illegal amounts of sex appeal.

I nearly laugh at myself. Get a grip, Ichigo.

I walk over to the sink and help to dry the various mugs and plates sitting on the draining wrack.

A few minutes pass and neither of us speaks. I frown. Are we being awkward? Ok,ok... Something to talk about... Oh, I need to tell him about Aizen-

"Ichigo?"

"Y-yeah?" Grimmjow's sudden burst of conversation takes me off guard.

"My mum went out for drinks and is unconscious in her bed. Nel is at Orihime's. We have a free house." He speaks very methodically, but when I turn to look at him, he's grinning like the cat got the cream. I wince because that's probably not a very good idiom to use right now.

Grimm is basically indicating that he would like to have sex.

Does no one care about my backside?

Anyone?

Didnt think so.

My grim thoughts are interrupted by a husky voice in my ear.

"I don't think I can make it to the bedroom."

I wonder if Grimm's had an overdose of Viagra because he's suddenly all over me, pushing me against the kitchen counter and sliding a leg between my thighs.

Do you hear me complaining?

"I've been thinking about you all fucking day..." Grimmjow licks a wet train across my cheek and down towards my throat.

"Mmm..." Ohh, that feels nice. But I really must tell him about Aizen-

Suddenly my jeans are unbuttoned and sliding down my hips. A hand creeps down my boxers and he grasps my hardening cock in his warm hands.

-tell him about-

Another hand inches underneath my shirt, tracing my navel for a moment before sneaking up across my chest. He rubs my left nipple with a callous hand and I groan, my hips flexing instinctively.

-about, umm...-

"Dirty little fuck." Grimmjow mutters and I gasp, partly from taking offense, but mainly because his potty mouth is turning me on like crazy.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his lips to meet my own in a hot kiss. One of my hands slide down his back and I grip his arse firmly, pulling his body so he is flushed against me.

We kiss and lick and bite and eventually my hands end up on his cock pumping him ruthlessly. I'm only trying to outmatch the pace he set on me.

We groan and sigh into each other's mouths and all this hot breath is making my face sweaty.

I shiver and twitch as my orgasm takes hold, trembling violently as I come over Grimmjow's fist. Moments later he is gasping loudly and chanting my name; warm spunk spreads across my hand.

What... What was I going to say before? Oh well, it can wait. I'll tell him later.

Grimmjow flops his head to rest it against my shoulder. I feel his warm breath against my moist skin.

Mmm, goosebumps.

"I think this calls for a bath." I decide after a few minutes. The jizz on my hand is sticky and, oh look, it's all over my fucking clothes as well. Now I have to stay over and wait for them to be washed.

Grimmjow looks up at me happily.

Then he stands back for a moment and just looks at me with this really big stupid grin on his face.

"What?" I ask, raising an eyebrow. "Is there sperm on my face?"

Grimmjow snorts. "No." He leans in and kisses me on the cheek. Such a simple display of affection, yet my face still manages to go an impressive shade of red as I blush impetuously.

"But there is a bit in your hair."

"What?" I push him away and storm across the kitchen into the hallway to inspect my features for jizz.

Of course, there is no come on my face but by the time I manage to apprehend Grimmjow, he is already naked and running a bath.

I let it slide for the time being.

It isn't until I am walking home with an empty dish of lasagne the next afternoon, that I remember I forgot to tell Grimmjow about Aizen's possible return. I pause at my front door. Should I go back and tell him?

No... No, I won't. I won't tell him yet.

We've just come so far together and right now everything is perfect the way it is. If I told Grimmjow he'd worry and fret and he wouldn't be any better off. It'd ruin the moment where we are most happy in our relationship. I couldn't do that to Grimm, especially after today when he looked so thrilled at the prospect of having a lasagne for breakfast.

So no, I won't ruin things for him. I'll tell him eventually. In a few days, maybe?

Right now though, I just want a moment of serenity with Grimmjow.

Is that too much to ask?

_**YES IT IS, YOU PRAT! **_

_**More reviews = faster updates = more sex = more satisfaction for YOU! **_

_**It's for your own good, so just do it! :D Much Love!**_


	24. Interlude

_**Sorry about the delay and thank you all most kindly for your reviews. I'm sorry if I didnt respond, but things have been quite hectic and I actually broke up with my boyfriend so I'm a little bit gutted and not really in the zone for manlove right this second. **_

_**Never the less, enjoy this Interlude and forgive my shit spelling :)**_

_**Grimmjow was once afraid, stupid, he was unthoughtful and a little heartless. Not in a malicious sort of way, he was just a kid and eventually grew out of it. I like to think it was his warped logic and different take on life that helped him out as well.**_

_**These short thoughts are in no particular order.**_

* * *

Even before I started talking and loving and going out with Ichigo, I thought he had a nice bum.

I didint know him on a particularly personal level, but I wasnt stupid enough to let a chance to ogle his rather enticing backside slip through my fingers.

Even when we started going out I couldn't take my eyes (or hands) off him. Maybe I have anal fixation (I like his bottom a lot). It'd sure explain one hell of a lot.

I'd sit by him in maths, but Ichigo would always be turned away from me slightly, trying to lean in closer with that Chad guy who sits on the next table. Maybe I intimidated him, I dunno.

On the day we first spoke, Chad had been moved. So Ichigo was sitting at his desk right next to mine with his head resting on his hands, looking as if he was about to die of boredom.

I chuckled to myself, but turned to look out the window.

I always thought it was a big shame that we were never on speaking terms. I felt an odd sort of ache at the thought of it. We'd been sitting by each other for TWO FUCKING YEARS, for christ's sake! How did this even happen?

Although I guess maths is a very independent subject; at least's that's how its taught at this school, '_think for yourself'_ and all that jazz.

Besides, right up to the moment class begins Ichigo was always with any one of his friends. Then as soon as it would end, they'd swoop down again. Even if I tried too, I knew I wouldn't be able to get a word in edge ways.

But I, at the time, I thought it was all I deserved.

I sighed quietly, unable to stop the self pity from creeping into my heart. I've pushed everyone away; all the people who tried to approach me, offering friendship. I've pretty much told them all to go fuck themselves.

I gaze out of the window like I always do. The sky helps me relax.

I see it.

A little fluffy cloud all on its lonesome. I smile at how alike we are.

But something pulls at the back of my consciousness. The cloud sort of looks familiar...

"Bert?"

We speak at exactly the same time. I drop my hand and turn to look at Ichigo, my eyes wide. He is slouched across his desk, gaping at me. Instantly he straightens up.

Just to make sure I haven't finally done what I've been promising to do since the age of three (go mad), I speak, as if to confirm this weirdness.

"That cloud looks like-"

"Bert." Ichigo cuts in. YES! I'm not the only one who's shit-crazy! But just to check, just to be absolutely sure...

"As in Bert and Ernie?" I prompt.

"From Sesame Street." He finishes.

There is perhaps a half-second pause before the hilarity of the situation sinks in. Eventually he laughs along with me and I stop, immediately take a back at the sound of his laughter.

I look at him and realise that I can now finally put a face to the ass I've been admiring for the past age. Sure his orange hair isn't subtle, but I'm not one to judge (with hair so blue that it doesn't actually exist in nature), and it suits him surprisingly well. It's all short and messy and a few months later I learn that, yes, he does just roll out of bed with that hair.

His eyes remind me of molten amber. Hot, dangerous and yet I just wanna stick my hand in it anyway because I don't have enough sense to walk away.

Then, of course, he got scolded by the teacher and given a detention for being 'a loud punk' as Zaraki-Sensei so eloquently put it.

I felt sort of bad, of course, but not really. Now might be my chance to talk to him by himself.

I corner him after his detention. He doesn't want to talk to me at first, which is sort of understandable, but I force the conversation try to get him to admit seeing Bert in the sky again. It makes me feel good to know we are connected, of sorts.

"It was weird, wasn't it?" I say. I look up at the dark sky and around a little star to our left, is a halo of orange. I look at it thoughtfully. Ichigo's hair always struck me as bright, like the centre of the sun; not this subtle ring of light. But the more I look at the star, the more I find it makes sense.

Or about as much sense as, looking at stars and claiming they remind you of people you have just spoken to, can make.

"Seeing puppets in the sky, I mean." I say turning to face him, slightly embarrassed that I got distracted. But he is looking at me curiously and doesn't appear to have noticed my day-dreaming.

"Yeah, it is." He says, finally. "Very weird behaviour."

I grin at him.

But as I do so I notice something quiet and vulnerable swimming in his irises. Not tears, but something deeper. Whatever it is, I have to turn away.

I try to ignore the sudden heavy pounding of my chest, the sweat collecting along my hairline, the slight quaking of my knees.

Then I fall quite head over heels in love.

I don't realise this until a little while later, of course.

* * *

"You're my boyfriend-"

"_Lover."_

"Huh?"

"Sounds more exotic."

"Oh yeah, like strawberries."

"What?"

"Strawberries are exotic."

"No they're not, moron."

"Are too! ...You're _my_ strawberry."

* * *

I've always been gay. There's a fact of life for you. Coc'ks do it for me. Big time. I've got willy on the brain.

At the age of about 13, when _everything_ was about sex, well... that was a pretty exciting time for me.

Ulquiorra introduced me into a little thing called Porn.

Watching men tie each other up and fuck each other senseless; it was a time of sexual awakening.

Ulquiorra knew right away what would float my boat. It was a sort of unspoken truth in our group; Grimmjow doesn't like titties.

So he sat with me and we watched all the gay porn we could find. It was mind boggling. I knew about masturbation and all that shit because if someone doesn't tell you about it, then you just figure it out for yourself. It is pretty straightforward, after all.

So after watching about four and a half hours of man on man action, I needed to let loose.

Ulquiorra was there for me then.

Neither of us have told anyone and, to be honest, I don't think we ever will.

After we wiped the jizz away and tugged up our trousers, I pulled him into a gruff hug and told him I loved him. He whispered back that he loved me too.

Then we laughed at how gay we sounded and went to go find Nel and tease her about how she now had to wear a bra.

I'm not ashamed I 'tainted' my straight best friend, or whatever. It's not like that.

Ulquiorra made me feel that, although what I did to him was pretty selfish, I wasn't a bad person; I didn't do anything wrong.

He made me feel that the way I was... the way I _am_; it's not weird, it's not odd, it's not disgusting.

I will always love him for that.

* * *

Did you know that Ichigo is scared of crabs? I do. I also intend to take full advantage of that fact.

* * *

"Ichigo." My voice is hoarse from all the crying and shouting and kissing I've done.

"Yes?" His isn't much better.

I elbow him in the mouth, using perhaps more force than was strictly necessary.

I'm angry with him. Absolutely bloody livid. But I love him. I care about him so much. Whoever said love and hate go hand-in-hand was fucking senile. This conflict is tearing me apart.

"There." I say, smugly. Crossing my arms as my male pride is sated. "Now we are totally even."

But as soon as my knuckles begin to sting and Ichigo looses balance, staggering into the door frame, I regret hitting him.

I grab his arm and gently guide him into my flat. He looks up at me, clutching his swollen jaw. I feel my heart melt.

"Let's get you some ice." I tell him; trying to smile, trying to tell him everything is fine, trying to tell him I love him.

His eyes fill with tears.

I sit him at the table and make a fuss of finding some ice because that gives me some time to try and fix my own water-works.

* * *

"Hey, if you like them so much, why don't you be one of those dinosaur fossil people?"

* * *

"This shit's fucking awesome."

"What is it?"

"Fuck off, Grimmjow. It's not for pussy's."

"I'm not a pussy! Just tell me what it is, Luppi. Stop being a dick."

"Oh, well I won't tell you if you talk like that."

"Awwh! C'mon! It's weed, isn't it?"

"You said so, not me."

"Luppi... Where did you get it?"

* * *

Its weird how much people effect you. Friends, family, people you love. And you dont even realise until they aren't there anymore.

Like my dad.

Bloody nutter.

Years and years of alcohol abuse had unhinged him.

But really, he was proper off his rocker; always in a completely blind rage, or eerily quite. In moments like that he'd just sit there on the sofa silently, staring at me as he slurped his beer. I tried to ignore his stares, its what mum told me to do, but he'd just stare and stare until I felt like I had a hole burnt through my skull.

I'd sit on the floor with my back to him, watching Tom & Jerry. I wasn't allowed to sit on the sofa.

"You'll sit on the floor, where you belong." He once growled at me. He had the front of my shirt clenched in his fist and my face was mere inches from his. He smelt like cigarettes and alcohol.

Then he was sick all over me. He was in hospital for a few days after that. Alcohol poisoning.

He even hit me once. It wasn't like a smack on the bum little kids get when they say something rude or do something naughty. It was a proper punch to the gut. I didnt tell mum. I didn't tell anyone.

But the scariest thing that my dad ever did, happened the day before he disappeared.

I was lying in bed, pretending to be asleep; I could hear him ambling around outside my bedroom door. He was speaking to himself and I could already smell the piss on him.

I will never understand what he did next.

He came into my room.

He sat on my bed.

He put his head in his hands.

Then he burst into tears.

My father just sat there and cried; sobbing his rotten heart out.

When I woke up the next morning he was was gone. I haven't seen him since.

He's probably dead.

* * *

"Hey Nel?"

"Yeah?"

"Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?"

She raises an eyebrow at me and gives me a look which says 'Seriously. Are you seriously asking me that?'

This is what a lot of people fail to understand about me. I'm not mentally challenged. _Really_.

I just ask for an answer when I don't know something myself and people get all snobby about it.

"Ulquiorra?"

"Yes, Grimmjow?"

"Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?"

"I don't know, Grimmjow."

ARGG! If Ulquiorra doesn't know the answer to it then I'm doomed!

And so the question plagues me all day. All throughout school, break, lunch, double Maths, until-

"What's crawled up your ass and died?"

Despite my distress, I can't help but quirk my lips. I feel a little bit better already because Ichigo is concerned enough to ask.

But alas... I don't think anyone can save me now.

It's not really my fault, to be honest. It's just the way I am; it's a single flaw in the monument to perfection that is me.

But Ichigo suddenly becomes a bit more concerned and eventually he worms the question out of me.

I stand there, slightly embarrassed.

Here is the person I love and sleep with, the person whose opinion I value the most, and he must think I'm stupid. That I've got some sort of defect. Now he's going to politely ask me to stay the hell away from him and his family because he thinks I'm too odd to be allowed.

"Hmm... That's a bit of a difficult one, if I'm honest." Ichigo leans up against the wall, a hand rubs his chin as he thinks deeply. "Maybe... he found a sharp rock in the jungle...? He could shave with that."

Then, all of a sudden, the world makes sense once again.

* * *

There is blood everywhere. Its on my hands and face and in my mouth and in my eyes. I cant see, I can't speak, I can only hear it.

I know that this noise will haunt me forever. So it should. This is all my fault.

Her screams twist my heart like a piece of cloth.

"Nel!" I cry, desperately fumbling in the darkness for some sort of shape to grab onto.

But there is nothing, and I am too hurt to move. All I can do is lie there and listen.

"Oh God." I whisper. "Make it stop."

* * *

I have always believed in love.

But with a life like mine you might ask - how is this possible? How can you know anything about love, Grimmjow?

My mum taught me love in its truest form.

"GRIMMJOW!" She screams up the stairs. "WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK IS THIS MESS?"

"Shit" I hiss. What _now_?

"GRIMMJOW JEAGERJAQUES! GET THE HELL DOWN HERE!"

I bolt downstairs and nearly run into mum who is purple with rage.

"Grimmjow-" She begins, pointing a finger at me warningly.

"It's rude to point." I blurt out angrily.

_Slap_.

Really, thinking back, I was such a spoilt little shit. I was rude, unthoughtful – all she wanted me to do was tidy the kitchen. She had been at work all day, doing a job she hated just to put food on the table. And there was me - too lazy, too unconcerned - to even _tidy_ said table.

Sure, her reaction might have been a little over- dramatic, but she was a single mum working long hours, who then had to come home to a kid like me who couldn't care less about how she was feeling... well, I certainly never envied her.

Some days it got so bad, I didnt expect her to come home at all.

But she did.

Despite everything, she came back to me. She made my dinner, she washed my clothes; she even folded them and made them smell like lemons.

She taught me about love, this mother of mine.

* * *

"Ohhmygod, Ohhmy god, Ohhmygod..."

I feel like I've just eaten about a gazillion skittles. This is a once in a lifetime buzz.

"You alright Grimm?" Yammy asks, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. "Something good happen?"

I just shake my head and laugh at him.

So naieve, everyone is just _so_ _naieve_...

I pat my trouser pocket; the bag of crystalised white powder sits there comfortably.

* * *

"Your Grimmjow, are you?" Isshin speaks to me directly.

We're about to go over Chad's and Ichigo has just spilt water all down his shirt as an excuse to run upstairs and change so he can grab the rucksack of alcohol he previously forgot.

Which is all very well and good but now I'm stood all on my own, fingering my belt loops nervously as Ichigo's father scrutinised me with x-ray eyes.

"Y-yeah." I answer, cursing myself for stammering.

"Hmm." He grunts, then turns back to his paper work which is spread over the kitchen table.

Ichigo comes thundering down the stairs.

"See you, dad." He calls before grabbing my arm and dragging me out the front door.

"Fare well, my precious son!" Isshin call gaily.

I glance over my shoulder once more before the door closes, to see Ichigo's father glaring at me. He doesnt look angry, really; its just a kind of 'trying to figure what I'm up to' sort of look.

However I'm suddenly distracted by Ichigo slipping on the freashly-rained-on pavement. I reach towards him without even thinking and grab his arm to steady him, before letting go and patting him on the back mockingly.

"Have a nice trip?" I snigger. Ichigo scowels at me, straightens his rucksack haughtily, and stalks off down the road.

Before I make to follow, I swear on my life that I hear someone elses laughter from inside the house.

When I do a double-take the front door is closed and no one is to be seen.

* * *

I'm done, _I'm done_. This shit ends _now_. I don't want to do this anymore.

I remember how furious Nel was when she found the scrunched up bag of powdery substance in my pocket. Her face was screwed up in rage and she was screaming and slapping me relentlessly, tears streaming down her face as she demanded to know how I could be so stupid.

She only hit me harder when I didnt answer.

But how could I answer soemthing like that?

Even I dont know why I did it.

_Why_ am I so fucking retarded? Would someone like to enlighten me?

Maybe theres something wrong with me. Maybe I have _problems_.

Well, if I don't work up the courage to kill myself, I'll probabaly just die of shame anyway.

* * *

Why did I approach Ichigo?

There were so many reasons.

For starters, I _wanted_ to – it really is that simple. I wanted to talk to the guy with bright orange hair and who had a permanent frown; who had lots of wonderful friends and a haunting laugh.

I wanted to talk to that person.

But then, you might ask, why did I approach him with all my excess baggage? Aizen. Nel. Drugs. My dad.

Why on earth would I go up to someone and try to be friends with them when I could potentially put them in danger?

I've always been a bit reckless.

At first my intention was just to be friends with Ichigo, but his eyes which would smoulder like honey and his glorious sense of humour pulled me in.

Really, I'm not bullshitting.

I know that sounds about as gay as it can get, but its just the way it happened. I had never met anyone like him.

And so, if and when Aizen _does_ come back... This time I wont be the one to walk away with my tail between my legs.

I'm not afraid anymore; certainly not with something this precious to protect.

I'd never tell Ichigo this, of course. He knows I love him, but if he was aware of how _much_... well, he'd either be concerned for my mental health or it'd go straight to his head.

When Aizen comes looking for me I'll be ready for him; I'll fight him and I'll win.

Or I'll die trying.

_**And we'll end on that note, me thinks :)**_


	25. Chapter 23

_**Well, these last few weeks have been quite shit, if I may say so myself. It's almost as if, when the weather deteriorates – so does my life! I hate you England! Suck my (non-existent) dick!**_

_**Here's chapter... whatever it is now... Haha. Enjoy!**_

_**A/N: I hope my prejudices against winter don't come across too strongly.**_

The days roll into weeks.

It's now winter.

I hate winter.

There is nothing remotely charming about it; it just gets cold and icy, my nose goes all runny and my ass is always numb (the latter probably not weather-related).

Fucking brilliant.

Grace's stay in town is slightly extended. She decides she wants to stay for the Winter Festival in a couple of days, then she'll go back to work. She promises she'll come to visit again around Christmas. I actually find myself looking forward to it.

Speaking of Winter Festivals, the one Grace is waiting for, is this year taking part at our school. Apparently the teachers are trying to improve the street cred of us teenagers. Yeah, like that'll work.

And so, here I am, sat in a freezing classroom after hours, sticking letters onto coloured paper to make signs and posters which will eventually be stuck up around the school. It's just to trick people into thinking we're creative.

Thankfully I've been given this duty with Nel, Grimm and Keigo. My posse.

I cuss and scowl at the letter Q. How the _fuck_ am I supposed to cut out the middle bit? Why do we even need a letter Q? How many words have a Q in them that are relevant to Winter Festivals?

_None_, that's how many.

Still, this whole boring and pointless ordeal has been made slightly better due to Grimmjow and Keigo, who are now making confetti and rubbing it in each other's faces.

You might be wondering why I'm not angry that they show no interest in helping, but I sort of think of it as looking after kids. They are more constructive when you leave them to it and try to get the work done yourself.

I look at the mangled snowflakes (confetti) Grimmjow cut out earlier and am thankful I managed to keep him away from the lettering.

Still, there's a lot left to do and I'm basically on my own. I'm not bothered really, but where is Nel?

"Have you seen Nel?" I ask the now-wrestling mass of arms and legs that is Keigo and Grimmjow.

They pause mid-fight and ponder my question.

"She went home at lunch; she forgot her food or something." Keigo tells me.

"Oh yeah, she also mentioned that she had PE last so she wasn't gonna bother coming back." Grimmjow speaks, but then he frowns. "I could have sworn she said she'd come back to help us with the posters though..."

"She told me last night she'd skip PE." Keigo says suddenly. I raise an eyebrow at him and he freezes, then looks away and going slightly pink in the face.

So _that's_ where Nel went last night.

"Oh well." I say. "It's so bloody cold, Nel probably didn't wanna come back to school. Especially on a Friday."

We all agree and they go back to wrestling and me back to my posters.

I'm assuming that something has developed between Nel and Keigo? I don't really know, to be honest. I've been so wrapped up in my own little world with Grimmjow lately; I haven't paid anyone else much attention. Maybe they got on _extra well_ back at Chad's party ages ago? I was so distracted by Tatsuki (when she saw me and Grimmjow groping each other) I kind of forgot to ask Keigo if he had a good time.

Ahh, well.

I try not to smile too widely.

Judging from Nels frequent and unexplained absences, as of late, Keigo had a _very_ good time.

An hour of cutting and pasting letters later, I decide enough is enough, so we tidy up to go home. Grimm and Keigo clean up the mess in the classroom and I walk to Renji's empty office, to dump the posters on his desk so he can critique them on Monday.

On my way back through the school to collect Grimm and Keigo, I realise that an empty school is actually quite a creepy place. Long dark corridors, large silent classrooms, even the trees outside look lonely and isolated.

I pause.

Other than the wind which blows against the building outside, my ears suddenly register another noise.

Heavy, hurried footsteps.

I stand very still and try to figure out which direction the noise is coming from – Behind or in front?

The footfalls gets faster and louder and I realise my palms are sweating. I swallow and as I do so I feel the rapid pulse of my heart in my throat.

Jesus Christ I'm _shitting_ myself.

Suddenly Nel is staggering out of the darkness.

"Nel!" I almost shout in relief. "You scared me shitless! Where have you-?"

I stop.

Little tiny pinpricks of fear creep down my neck.

Nel looks terrified and her eyes are glassy with confusion and unshed tears.

"Nel." I say, trying very hard to contain my rising panic. "What's wrong?"

She tries to swallow and runs a hand through her wet, messy hair.

"Your soaked..." I glance outside and then frown. It isn't raining. I shrug off my school jacket and wrap her up in it. As I do so my hand brushes her shoulder and I suddenly realise why Nel is so damp.

Sweat.

"Nel... Have you been running?"

Her eyes flicker to my face and it's as if she's only just realised I'm even here.

"_Nel._" I say a little more sharply. "What _happened_?" I grab her shoulders to give her a little shake but when I touch her, I realise that my grip might actually be the only thing holding her up.

I pull her into a hug. (As a side note, it's really weird hugging girls. Nel is so much softer than Grimm.)

She's shivering, but not with cold, not with fear. I feel the rapid drumming of her heart.

She's shaking with adrenaline.

"Nel, was someone after you?" I ask, hoping I'm wrong.

I feel her tremble more violently before a ragged sob tears from her chest. Suddenly she's tripping over her words in her hurry to tell me everything; stuttering and chattering her teeth, like she's just been pulled out of an ice cold lake.

"I came t-to h-h-elp you guys with the p-posters and stuff. T-then, I don't know. I-I heard a w-weird noise and I f-f-freaked out and ran. Someone chased me all the way t-to the school g-g-gates..."

The rest of her story is garbled as she bursts into tears.

I stand there for a good few minutes, whispering that she is safe now and that we'll all walk her home together. I stroke her back a bit until she calms down and then she drags me with her into the girls toilets so she can reapply her make-up and sort her hair out.

I sit on the counter between two sinks as Nel leans into the mirror, applying foundation under her eyes to hide the redness.

I'm a little confused if I'm honest.

"Why are you doing that?" I ask, not understanding why she is suddenly calm and putting on make-up. "Let's just go get Grimm and Keigo and go home."

"No." She says, firmly. I'm a little taken aback. Five minutes ago Nel was about to pass out, and now she's suddenly all badass.

"Why not?" I demand, a little angry at her stony attitude.

"Because," She says, turning to face me, all evidence of her crying eradicated. "We are _not_ going to tell Grimm or Keigo what has happened."

My jaw drops.

"Why the bloody fuck _not_?" I nearly shout. Is she stupid?

"Its nothing, Ichigo! It was just a weirdo. A nobody."

"Yeah fucking _right_!"

_Aizen...Aizen...Aizen..._ A voice in my head whispers.

"Ichigo..." For a moment I am afraid she's going to pull the puppy dog trick, but she just gazes at me in all seriousness. In a way it's worse because I get the feeling that if I _do_ tell Grimmjow, Nel will not only make the consequences dire for me, but she will never _ever_ forgive me.

"Grimmjow... he's my big brother. I love him to bits. I'd do anything for him. Imagine what he'd think if he heard I was stalked? He'd worry so much... He's told you about Aizen." She smiles sadly. "I was cut up badly, Ichigo. Imagine what he'd think if I was in trouble again? I haven't seen him this happy since forever... You've changed him, Ichigo. Or rather, you've simply made Grimmjow be _Grimmjow_ again. It's like... for the first time in his life he's acting like his real self. I will always love you for that, Ichigo."

I try not to blush; I really feel very flattered.

Her face drops and she looks like she's going to cry again, but she sucks it in.

"But I couldn't bear to bring up all of that shit again. And if... if you do..."

There is a short silence filled with the unspoken horrors of what Nel could do to me. But really... I should have risen above it.

I _know_ I'm being an idiot. I _know_ it's bloody dangerous.

And yet, despite it all, when we go back to the classroom to find Grimmjow and Keigo writing swear words on the board, I keep my mouth shut.

It could have been a one-off weirdo who followed Nel, or it could have been someone much more dangerous who I'm sick of hearing about...

But still, I don't say a word.

I lie to Grimmjow and realise with a grim smile that it's not the only secret I've kept from him.

When I go to bed that night, I reflect on the only reason I held my tongue.

Nel loves Grimmjow so much she's willing to sacrifice her own safety and mentality, just to maintain his happiness for a little bit longer.

Not even a few weeks ago, I did exactly the same thing.

Sex, I muse, is brilliant at distracting people.

Grimmjow is panting heavily behind me and I can't help but groan and bite a pillow as he rolls his hips and clenches my waist in an immovable grip.

Saturday we don't really accomplish much. When I go over to Grimm's he's still in his pyjamas and refuses to get dressed. We lounge about and watch The Last House on The Left which Grimmjow deems almost as gory as Saw.

"Oh my God! Did his head just blow up? In a microwave? Is that even possible?"

Grimm then tried to coerce me into putting objects into the microwave to see which would explode. I (thankfully) distracted him by making an origami hat which he wore proudly for the rest of the day.

I laugh at him and he laughed at me laughing at him and everything is _fine_.

But I suddenly have a pretty disturbing thought.

What if, when I tell Grimmjow (because no matter how much I deny it, I am going to have to spill the beans sooner or later) that some fishy shit has been occurring - he is angry with me for keeping secrets from him?

I mean, I'd be pretty pissed if there was something this big Grimmjow was keeping from _me_. Actually... no, I'd be more than pissed, if I'm honest; I'd be pretty fucking livid.

But then would I understand and forgive Grimm if he begged and begged and said he loved me and that was the only reason he lied?

Probably.

Eventually.

But this isn't about me forgiving Grimm; _he's_ gonna have to find the heart to forgive _me_.

Early Sunday morning we hear a lot of shuffling and banging coming from Grace's bedroom. Grimm goes to investigate, only to rush back into the bedroom seconds later, looking a quite upset.

"Whats wrong?" I ask from the bed, trying to keep my voice even; my brain automatically assuming the worst possible scenario.

"Mum's just got a call from work. They need her back by lunchtime." Grimmjow looks miserable.

_At least she's safe._ I sigh to myself.

Grimmjow mopes about for the next few minutes as I try to help Grace carry her bags to her car. She quickly dashes into Nel's room to say goodbye. I hear sobbing and cooing and begin to feel a little upset myself.

Grace reappears and I find an excuse to go into the lounge as she says goodbye to her son. I peep around the door and smile at the sight of Grimmjow hugging his mother. Then she ruffles his hair and blows a raspberry on his cheeck. This is followed by loud complains and "Mum! I'm not a freakin' baby..." but Grimmjow is loving every minute of it.

Before I even begin to think about my own mum and how much I could do with a hug, Grace swoops down on me, crushing me against her and nearly lifting me off my feet.

"Your brilliant, Ichigo. Absolutely brilliant." She tells me.

Suddenly, quite unexplainably, I feel myself get a little emotional.

_Don't go._ I find myself begging, wordlessly.

At the sight of my watery eyes, Grace strokes my face and tells me she'll be back for Christmas and that she'll bring a shitload of cake and presents.

I try to smile at her but her words don't ease my guilt one bit.

_I'm a liar. I'm not brilliant at all._

She gives her son another hug and then she's making her way out the front door. We watch her drive off from the kitchen window. Grimmjow is mouthing words at her and waving frantically.

"Bye all!" She cries from her car. All too suddenly, she is pulling out of the car park and then disappearing down the road.

I feel sick to my stomach.

_**Dun-Dun-DUUUN! **_

_**I'll try to update a bit sooner, next time. Thanks for being so patient, everyone! I love your reviews! :D**_


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